December 10, 2013
Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds [...]
Right on the heels of suspending the “Bling Bishop,” New Pope has another misbehaving European prelate on his hands: Archbishop Jozef Michalik, the head of the Polish Episcopate, who kind of made everybody in Poland groan and slap their foreheads (we hope?) for suggesting that children abused by priests share some of the blame for [...]
America is Number One in everything. We are the bestest country on the goddam planet because we have huge dicks and trucknutz and guns everywhere and democracy and robot drones that kill whoever the fuck we want and Osama Bin Laden is Dead and GM is Alive and Lee Greenwood and bald eagles and Honey [...]
Here is a Romney press secretary telling the shouty press corps assembled at the Polish Tomb of the Unknown to “shove it” and “kiss [his] ass” and “show some respect.” THEY ARE AT A HOLY SITE! (Actually, reporters, dude’s kind of got a point about that one.) They’re so cute, though! GOVERNOR ROMNEY! WHAT ABOUT [...]
Whatta we got in the local clip ‘n’ save today? “Mitt Romney’s campaign is considering a major foreign policy offensive at the end of the month that would take him to five countries over three continents…” HMMMMM. You have to wait until you *win* the presidential election to launch world war, dingus. And then it’s [...]
There we were, trying to find stupid Donald Trump or someone on the teevee — because this is our life, people. This is our life. And all of a sudden, there was Barack Hussein NOBAMA!!! hanging a medal around the neck of OG farmworker hero Dolores Huerta. It was no stupid Donald Trump, but we [...]
Father to Morning Joe cohost Mika Zbrezinzszkzy and Poland’s former intelligence chief Zbigniew Siemiatkowski has been charged with violating international law and “unlawfully depriving prisoners of their liberty” by helping the CIA to set up a “black site” Qaeda (and, of course, “Qaeda-accused” and “Qaeda-adjacent”) prison in Poland. This is excellent news for Dick Cheney!
Eddy Moretti and VBS Teevee traveled to Poland to interview former Polish president and Nobel Peace Prize winner Lech Walesa. They talked about dead Popes, and also how Glenn Beck is a total jerk. Our very own Liz Glover co-produces this teevee series, so you know it’s quality stuff! Watch:
Because they were so desperate for a Hero, America’s lonely old teabaggers put all their hopes and dreams on a handsome, naked, liberal man in the Socialist Republic of Massachusetts. At least he was white! But after sending him all of their Social Security checks and Green Stamps and whatever, Scott Brown proudly took Ted [...]
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev is giving Barack Obama the old “I have poisoned your champagne” look while ultra-crooked Czech president Vaclav Klaus is just counting money in his mind, piles and piles of Euros, shoveled into his Swiss vault by Slovak gypsy slaves. Anyway, now we have some kind of new nuclear treaty with Sarah [...]
Wonkette’s secret Eastern European money-laundering operative “Adam” sends this photo and writes: “Hey, I was in Poland last week traveling and I came across this ad. For real, is that the Doc Paul? Is he creating a freedom revolution FOR POLISH EYEGLASSES!!????” The answer is no. That is clearly Magneto, maybe.