Tag Archives: poetry

  Reading Is Fundament-al

High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry

Bias Confession: I think Howl is a wee bit overrated
The children of South Windsor, Connecticut, are at long last safe from the pernicious influence of David Olio, who has been forced to resign as an English teacher at South Windsor High School after showing a video of Allen Ginsberg reading his poem “Please, Master” to his Advanced Placement English class in February. The poem, which is definitely not rated PG, apparently upset some students enough that they complained to their parents, so the school suspended and then moved to fire Olio, who had taught at the high school since 1996. Read more on High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry…
  point and laugh

Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust

World's most beautiful poet.
Wonkette is very excited to let everyone know that Bradlee Dean, our hilarious bestie who is also a religious rights activist, has written a very important poem at the WorldNetDaily, about how gay marriage is going to cause the Holocaust. Like we need to be reminded! Now, Bradlee Dean does not like being quoted, but fuck him, here is his poem, which is his own version of the famous Martin Niemöller “First they came for the socialists” quote. Is it good? Ha ha, no, Bradlee Dean is bad at many things, and poetry is one of them: Read more on Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust…
  phenomenal woman

Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman, Excellent Human Being, 1928-2014

Maya Angelou died Tuesday at her home in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, following a long illness. She leaves behind a list of accomplishments that threatened to overwhelm headlines: poet, essayist, actress, memoirist, historian, educator, civil rights advocate, Poet Laureate, excellent human being, take your pick. The first of her many memoirs, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, is a true modern classic, the story of her youth in the Jim Crow South, of her being silenced by sexual violence, and of her rediscovery of language. Read more on Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman, Excellent Human Being, 1928-2014…
  genius is pain

Not Knowing What Else To Do, Amanda Palmer Writes Terrible Poem About Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Feeling helpless in the wake of the horrible events of last week, in which a terrorist attack killed three and injured hundreds, loathed songstress of Ted Talk fame Amanda Palmer wrote a supremely awful poem about the younger of the two brothers believed responsible for the bombing. Gawker’s Max Read warns that the resulting atrocity, “A Poem for Dzhokhar,” is “the worst poem ever composed in the English language,” which simply means that Read obviously did not sit through the creative writing class that Yr Doktor Zoom endured in his second year at Northern Arizona University. It is still terrible enough to qualify as hazardous waste, however, so please strap on your safety goggles before you click through. Read more on Not Knowing What Else To Do, Amanda Palmer Writes Terrible Poem About Dzhokhar Tsarnaev…
  never ever getting back together

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Read more on Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry…
  wonkette world o' books

Do Novels Cause Old Person Terrorism?

A bunch of decrepit rednecks fantasizing about mass murder is a common enough occurrence in North Georgia (your Wonkette bookman knows this from lifelong experience). What’s different about the alleged plot by this AARP IRA is that they had the misfortune to run into an FBI informant who actually challenged them to put their brain-damaged program into action. Thus, a “bucket list” of gubmint/corporate/media folk to kill, plus an imaginary Knight Rider car that spits ricin all over I-85. It’s good to know that novels can still inspire people to change the world Read more on Do Novels Cause Old Person Terrorism?…
  wonkette world o' books

Donald Rumsfeld Sad About Torture, Opponents of Torture

Are you a small business owner looking (now that our economy is in Recovery) to hire an actual destroyer of human beings for your growing Torture of Humans business? In today’s competitive atrocity market, run-of-the-mill teenage terrorists with their scrotum-fuses and YouTube videos probably won’t get the job done (though they are notoriously cheap workers). You’ll likely need a death-monster with exceptional organizational skills, a man who knows desks and flow charts as well as he knows piles of nekkid prisoners. Might your reviewer suggest Donald Rumsfeld, with his résumé/memoir Known and Unknown? He might. Read more on Donald Rumsfeld Sad About Torture, Opponents of Torture…
  jingle bells rotting afghan corpses smells

‘The Night Before 9/11′: a Holiday Poem

We realize that today is 9/11 Eve, and you are planning on spending your evening with friends and family in merriment. Sadly, this has become such a commercialized holiday, and it’s important to remember the little things that make 9/11 so special. The true meaning of 9/11 is that it handed George W. Bush a second term as president, and that’s easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of the season. Tonight, when you put your children to bed and they wait in fevered anticipation for that giant fat white-haired man, Dick Cheney, to come down the chimney and give them weapons, read them this simple poem. Read more on ‘The Night Before 9/11′: a Holiday Poem…
  barry can you hear me?

A Poetic Celebration Of Muslamism

Usually, Barry Can You Hear Me? entails a frame-by-frame analysis of official White House videographer Arun Chaudhary’s West Wing Week, which is like Triumph of the Will except not evil and also with less choreographed marching and visual symmetry. But this week, Arun went on a tour of the Gulf Coast to talk to Southern poors and middle-classists, who are of course uninteresting and of little use to Hardcore Barack Obama fangirls like me (and you!) Read more on A Poetic Celebration Of Muslamism…
  a shining city on a internet

A Children’s Treasury of Team Sarah Poetry and Trig Pics

We have infiltrated TeamSarah.org, the Internet’s top repository of Sarah Palin crap, and boy oh boy is it majestic. There are 35,000 blog posts to be written about what is in this thing. But we have to start somewhere. So how about presenting you with some of the site’s very best Sarah Palin poetry, which seems to be a common hobby for these people, along with some photos of Trig they’ve piled up? Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Team Sarah Poetry and Trig Pics…
  wonkette world o' books

The Erotic Poems of Jimmy Carter, Unwanted President

Once upon a time in America, there lived a peanut farmer and known Georgian named James Earl Carter. He became world-famous because he was the first American to parlay his goober habit into several other glamorous careers. And we do mean several; this man has changed identities more times than, uh … who’s popular these days? The David Bowie and the Beatles combined? David Bowie plus the Beatles and that Madonna, plus a chameleon and Lady Gaga, let’s say. Because that’s how multi-faceted this “Jimmy” Carter is — he even writes sexytime poetry! Read more on The Erotic Poems of Jimmy Carter, Unwanted President…
  cognitive consonance

Roland Burris Devastates Senate With A B A B Rhyme Scheme

Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a “health care-themed” iteration of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on the Senate floor. “We’ll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we’ll get voted in!” Chilling. Roland Burris will take two copies in his ark to the River Styx. [YouTube] Read more on Roland Burris Devastates Senate With A B A B Rhyme Scheme…
  Shantih shantih shantih

Al Gore’s Only Regret Relating To His Environmental Poem Is That ‘The Waste Land’ Title Was Taken

Al Gore wrote a very earnest poem, which is the #1 thing you can do to not get made fun of, in any context. Apparently for whatever reason the publisher of his new book would not let him write in prose about the effects of our planet destroying itself and thought that this, the poem, was a better call. The cliches are SUPPOSED to melt into each other. It’s a formal allusion! Like in big kid poetry. Read more on Al Gore’s Only Regret Relating To His Environmental Poem Is That ‘The Waste Land’ Title Was Taken…
  oh noes!

Poetry Slam At The White House!

In the ninth circle of Hell, just between the usurers and the winged demon Satan flapping his wings in that frozen pond, lies a self-important little coffee house full of nerds who vote on each other’s poetry, which is universally awful. The Obamas will bring a slice of this Hell to their own home tonight, when they host the first-ever White House Poetry Slam. Why does Barack Obama hate America so much? Read more on Poetry Slam At The White House!…
  our culture in decline

Elitist Obama Inaugural Will Feature Poetry

Here is a true story about poets: they are all a bunch of whining pussies, except for Jane Kenyon, Robert Frost, and the two guys who played the precogs in Minority Report. When JFK asked Robert Frost to read a poem at his swearing-in, Robert Frost wrote a poem specifically for the purpose and then when he couldn’t read it, on account of being a million years old and all of the terrible howling winds, he just cold recited another poem of his, from memory. Then the strapping 86-year-old walked 500 miles uphill in the snow to get home, because he was Robert Fucking Frost. Read more on Elitist Obama Inaugural Will Feature Poetry…
 

BARRY OBAMA’S RACIST POETRY: “Under water grottos, caverns/ Filled with apes/ That eat figs./ Stepping on the figs/ That the apes/ Eat, they crunch./ The apes howl, bare/ Their fangs, dance,/ Tumble in the/ Rushing water,/ Musty, wet pelts/ Glistening in the blue.” [SF Gate] Read more on …
 

Bagels, Donuts and Schmears

* “I’ve never paid for sex (only because I didn’t know where to find it when I was 15), but in the marketplace, I assume $300 gets you the Ferrari, or at least the Corvette. But the questions remain: What does a $300-an-hour prostitute look like? What do you get for the money? Is there a charge by the minute?” [City Desk] * “I’m gonna ride that clock like a pony.” [Eavesdrop DC] * “Somebody please get Christopher Hitchens a hip flask. The poor man was taking slugs from one of those little mini bottles of what looked like vodka. It was pretty clear that he desperately wanted to take a bigger belt from the bottle but had to pace himself because of its small size.” [Scribbles and Scoundrels] * A poem for Dunkin Donuts Megan. [Craigslist] Read more on Bagels, Donuts and Schmears…
 

Under the Yellow Lemonade Flag

* “And our men try to subdue it / they jump on its back / like overripe plums falling from trees / to tame the horse of the planet.” [City Desk] * Why don’t you just walk all the way to the Alternative Transportation Fair, hippie? [CommuterPageBlog] * Queen Elizabeth: once our oppressor, now our friend. [Yahoo News] * Ian MacKaye hears dead people. [Idolater] * “To whoever has our trash cans: I hope you enjoy them. I hope, very soon, you accidentally place something very dear to you in one of them. I hope you then realize that you’ve done this about an hour after the bins are picked up.” [From Harvard Street] * Hey guys, New Intern #1 did this post! [gregwasserstrom.com] Read more on Under the Yellow Lemonade Flag…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Season of Giving Not Receiving Rights

* Don’t forget, starting January 1 no more indentured servants in New Hampshire. [Washington Wire] * Traditional children’s Christmas poem reimagined, with skinny kid instead of little round belly. [Hotline on Call] * Bill O’Reilly has fond memories of all the things Liberace had. [Media Matters] * Guys who think legalized abortion stops criminals before they happen really like Tom DeLay’s blog. [Freakonomics] * If Christopher Dodd actually believes hiring Kerry’s ’04 campaign manager will win him the nomination, he’s not winning the nomination. [The Swamp] * Death of Turkmeni dictator could allow for new American military base near the Iranian border, so that’s convenient. [Think Progress, The Economist] * Jimmy Carter not racist, just baby racist, diet racist, racist light — like a racist drink with too many ice cubes. [The Volokh Conspiracy] * The skeleton in Bill Richardson’s closet wears a blue dress. [Wizbang Politcs] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Season of Giving Not Receiving Rights…
 

Metro Section: Secrets, Crayons and Rape

* Ever influential DC Area Film Critics Association gives Best Film honor to United 93. Come on guys. Christmas is coming. [DCist] * Holiday Market begins today 7th and F streets, NW. Buy some crap for your relatives, but don’t come crawling back to us when they hate it. [Gallery Place Living] * Sad news: the Cerulean Warbler (Red Sage) rejected from the Endangered Species Act (Penn Quarter). [DC Audubon Society] * “Effective 12/01/2006, it is against the law to pass a metro bus stopped at the bus-stop near a corner and to make a right turn. You must wait behind the bus until it moves, if you need to make a right turn.” [bloomingdale] * This guy calls himself a rapist, writes a little poetry: “During sex, all the power belongs to the male because he controls the speed, tempo, force, and rhythm…” [Roosh V] * You are a creative bunch today — this gal destroys Duchamp & friends with a box of crayons and a thesaurus. [In the Gutter] Read more on Metro Section: Secrets, Crayons and Rape…
 

To Do: Further

Lisa Marie Presley performs an exorcism at the Birchmere. She is assisted by Ryan Cabrera. $45 at 7:30PM. [Birchmere] Poetry Bus Tour at the Big Hunt. This bus of poets is stopping at 50 cities in 50 days. Some locals are invited to join them for each night’s reading. Tonight’s includes Matthew Zapruder, Rod Smith and Cole Swensen, among others. $5 suggested at 7PM. [Poetry Bus Tour] Read more on To Do: Further…
 

To Do: Catch a 9:30

Friday 25th Annual SEC Capital Kickoff at City Tavern Club. $30 at 9PM. Because it’s the future, no tickets sold at the door. [Mollyguard] Shortstack, Brandon Butler, Revival, These United States, Vandaveer, John Bustine $10 at 9PM. [Rock and Roll Hotel] Read more on To Do: Catch a 9:30…