Maya Angelou died Tuesday at her home in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, following a long illness. She leaves behind a list of accomplishments that threatened to overwhelm headlines: poet, essayist, actress, memoirist, historian, educator, civil rights advocate, Poet Laureate, excellent human being, take your pick. The first of her many memoirs, I Know Why the Caged […]

Feeling helpless in the wake of the horrible events of last week, in which a terrorist attack killed three and injured hundreds, loathed songstress of Ted Talk fame Amanda Palmer wrote a supremely awful poem about the younger of the two brothers believed responsible for the bombing. Gawker’s Max Read warns that the resulting atrocity, […]

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Cold rain in DC, […]

A bunch of decrepit rednecks fantasizing about mass murder is a common enough occurrence in North Georgia (your Wonkette bookman knows this from lifelong experience). What’s different about the alleged plot by this AARP IRA is that they had the misfortune to run into an FBI informant who actually challenged them to put their brain-damaged […]

Are you a small business owner looking (now that our economy is in Recovery) to hire an actual destroyer of human beings for your growing Torture of Humans business? In today’s competitive atrocity market, run-of-the-mill teenage terrorists with their scrotum-fuses and YouTube videos probably won’t get the job done (though they are notoriously cheap workers). […]

We realize that today is 9/11 Eve, and you are planning on spending your evening with friends and family in merriment. Sadly, this has become such a commercialized holiday, and it’s important to remember the little things that make 9/11 so special. The true meaning of 9/11 is that it handed George W. Bush a […]

Usually, Barry Can You Hear Me? entails a frame-by-frame analysis of official White House videographer Arun Chaudhary’s West Wing Week, which is like Triumph of the Will except not evil and also with less choreographed marching and visual symmetry. But this week, Arun went on a tour of the Gulf Coast to talk to Southern […]

We have infiltrated TeamSarah.org, the Internet’s top repository of Sarah Palin crap, and boy oh boy is it majestic. There are 35,000 blog posts to be written about what is in this thing. But we have to start somewhere. So how about presenting you with some of the site’s very best Sarah Palin poetry, which […]

Once upon a time in America, there lived a peanut farmer and known Georgian named James Earl Carter. He became world-famous because he was the first American to parlay his goober habit into several other glamorous careers. And we do mean several; this man has changed identities more times than, uh … who’s popular these […]

Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a “health care-themed” iteration of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on the Senate floor. “We’ll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we’ll get voted in!” Chilling. Roland Burris will take two copies in his ark to the River Styx. [YouTube]

Al Gore wrote a very earnest poem, which is the #1 thing you can do to not get made fun of, in any context. Apparently for whatever reason the publisher of his new book would not let him write in prose about the effects of our planet destroying itself and thought that this, the poem, […]

In the ninth circle of Hell, just between the usurers and the winged demon Satan flapping his wings in that frozen pond, lies a self-important little coffee house full of nerds who vote on each other’s poetry, which is universally awful. The Obamas will bring a slice of this Hell to their own home tonight, […]

Here is a true story about poets: they are all a bunch of whining pussies, except for Jane Kenyon, Robert Frost, and the two guys who played the precogs in Minority Report. When JFK asked Robert Frost to read a poem at his swearing-in, Robert Frost wrote a poem specifically for the purpose and then […]

DEMOCRATS  4:15 pm May 28, 2008

by Ken Layne

BARRY OBAMA’S RACIST POETRY: “Under water grottos, caverns/ Filled with apes/ That eat figs./ Stepping on the figs/ That the apes/ Eat, they crunch./ The apes howl, bare/ Their fangs, dance,/ Tumble in the/ Rushing water,/ Musty, wet pelts/ Glistening in the blue.” [SF Gate]