Tag: poetry

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In Wonket’s Commenting Prizes, Everyone’s A Winner, Except The Losers

Happy Friday, Kids! We actually have a veritable plethora of commenting prizes this week, thanks to our having the brilliant idea of holding contest-like things. So before we get to our regular ol' Comment of the Week, we must...
Bias Confession: I think Howl is a wee bit overrated

High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry

The children of South Windsor, Connecticut, are at long last safe from the pernicious influence of David Olio, who has been forced to resign as an English teacher at South Windsor High School after showing a video of Allen...
World's most beautiful poet.

Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust

Wonkette is very excited to let everyone know that Bradlee Dean, our hilarious bestie who is also a religious rights activist, has written a very important poem at the WorldNetDaily, about how gay marriage is going to cause the...

Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman, Excellent Human Being, 1928-2014

Maya Angelou died Tuesday at her home in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, following a long illness. She leaves behind a list of accomplishments that threatened to overwhelm headlines: poet, essayist, actress, memoirist, historian, educator, civil rights advocate, Poet Laureate, excellent...

Not Knowing What Else To Do, Amanda Palmer Writes Terrible Poem About Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Feeling helpless in the wake of the horrible events of last week, in which a terrorist attack killed three and injured hundreds, loathed songstress of Ted Talk fame Amanda Palmer wrote a supremely awful poem about the younger of...

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it's 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that...

Do Novels Cause Old Person Terrorism?

A bunch of decrepit rednecks fantasizing about mass murder is a common enough occurrence in North Georgia (your Wonkette bookman knows this from lifelong experience). What’s different about the alleged plot by this AARP IRA is that they had...

Donald Rumsfeld Sad About Torture, Opponents of Torture

Are you a small business owner looking (now that our economy is in Recovery) to hire an actual destroyer of human beings for your growing Torture of Humans business? In today’s competitive atrocity market, run-of-the-mill teenage terrorists with their...

‘The Night Before 9/11’: a Holiday Poem

We realize that today is 9/11 Eve, and you are planning on spending your evening with friends and family in merriment. Sadly, this has become such a commercialized holiday, and it's important to remember the little things that make...

A Poetic Celebration Of Muslamism

Usually, Barry Can You Hear Me? entails a frame-by-frame analysis of official White House videographer Arun Chaudhary's West Wing Week, which is like Triumph of the Will except not evil and also with less choreographed marching and visual symmetry....

A Children’s Treasury of Team Sarah Poetry and Trig Pics

We have infiltrated TeamSarah.org, the Internet's top repository of Sarah Palin crap, and boy oh boy is it majestic. There are 35,000 blog posts to be written about what is in this thing. But we have to start somewhere....

The Erotic Poems of Jimmy Carter, Unwanted President

Once upon a time in America, there lived a peanut farmer and known Georgian named James Earl Carter. He became world-famous because he was the first American to parlay his goober habit into several other glamorous careers. And we...

Roland Burris Devastates Senate With A B A B Rhyme Scheme

Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a "health care-themed" iteration of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" on the Senate floor. "We'll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we'll get voted in!" Chilling....

Al Gore’s Only Regret Relating To His Environmental Poem Is That ‘The Waste Land’ Title Was Taken

Al Gore wrote a very earnest poem, which is the #1 thing you can do to not get made fun of, in any context. Apparently for whatever reason the publisher of his new book would not let him write...

Poetry Slam At The White House!

In the ninth circle of Hell, just between the usurers and the winged demon Satan flapping his wings in that frozen pond, lies a self-important little coffee house full of nerds who vote on each other's poetry, which is...

Elitist Obama Inaugural Will Feature Poetry

Here is a true story about poets: they are all a bunch of whining pussies, except for Jane Kenyon, Robert Frost, and the two guys who played the precogs in Minority Report. When JFK asked Robert Frost to...