Now that Hillary is “out,” we will devote our full attention towards getting Mitt Romney on the Republican ticket and saving humor forever! And it looks like progress is being made on that front, according to Time’s Mark Halperin, who knows these terrible things. MORE »

Because John McCain cherishes service above self, he almost took a vow to live out but one term as president before manfully expiring in 2012. You see, last year when he was losing horribly, he was so deeply unpopular within his own party that the only way Republicans could stomach supporting him was if they had some assurance they’d be rid of him as quickly as possible. But then old WALNUTS! had to go and not make his Selfless Vow, because he is a venal politician like all the others, interested in living and things. MORE »