Michael McAuliffe is a 45-year-old candidate for Palm Beach State Attorney with a marvelous plan to “reinvigorate” the staff at the State Attorney’s Office by covering their workspaces in a quarter-inch-thick felt made of human pubes, or something. Thanks to Wonkette operative JimmyJohn2 for the tip. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

My god, they just keep asking for more: “The Republican Party is seeking your input as we develop the policies and principles upon which we should stand for the next four years. On this website, you can share your thoughts, participate in polls, and communicate directly with the policymakers who will be shaping the party’s agenda.” As Wonkette commenters like to say, “more ass-fucking.” [Republican Platform Committee]