Tag Archives: planned parenthood

  burning with christ's love

Missouri Man Confesses To Arsons At Mosque, Planned Parenthood Office, Is Definitely Not A Terrorist Because ‘White’

Hey, remember that loony guy last year who protested all the gheys by setting fire to a box of Cheerios at gay-friendly General Mills, with hilarious lawn-burning results? OK, that guy is not really part of this story at all, but the very same day we ran that story, another friend of Jebus burned a mosque to the ground in Joplin, Missouri, and we reported the two events together, because hey, setting stuff on fire for the Prince of Peace, right? So now, a bit over a year later, the mosque-burner, one Jedediah Stout, 29, has confessed to police after being arrested for two recent attempts to set fire to Joplin’s Planned Parenthood clinic. He also admitted to an earlier 2012 attempt to burn the same mosque. If nothing else, Mr. Stout is a study in perseverance and the work ethic, the little arsonist who could — at least once out of four tries. We’re waiting patiently for Stout to be charged with terrorism as well. HA-HA, who are we kidding? Read more on Missouri Man Confesses To Arsons At Mosque, Planned Parenthood Office, Is Definitely Not A Terrorist Because ‘White’…
  your tax dollars at work

Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies

In case you were wondering what depths that monster Obama would sink to in order to promote his Hitlerian death panel scheme AKA Obamacare, wonder no more. Planned Parenthood, a beneficiary of federal tax dollars and the largest abortion provider in America, is now hooking up with actresses Scarlett Johansson, Aisha Tyler and Gabrielle Union to push people to use Obamacare. Read more on Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies…
  lives of the scholars

Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’

Longtime Wonkette frenemy and gift to satire Bradlee Dean took to the interwebs Saturday to share some insights on the “Sons of Liberty Radio” podcast, warning that Barack Hussein Obama is no friend of the dusky-hued races, nevermind what the lamestream media has brainwashed people to think: And do tell your black friends and your Hispanic friends, that the Obama Administration, through Planned Parenthood, is looking to eradicate the Hispanic and the Negro race. Hey friends, just saying, just ask Margaret Sanger, do a little homework friends. He probably also thinks that Obama seeks to eliminate the Chinaman, the Hindoo, and the Hottentot, while leaving America helpless in the face of the imminent Mahometan threat. Read more on Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’…
  reproductive rites

Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina

Noted debutante Bristol Palin, who became an unwilling postergirl for chastity and purity and second virginities and whatnot (second virginities are when you only give up the butt), has done posted a “thought” on the MyFace and her dumb religion blog, and honestly, she is probably plumb tuckered out from having it ghostwritten for her. What is echoing around Bristol Palin’s perfectly zen uterus (that is where she keeps her brains) today? Read more on Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina…
  planned perot-hood

Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars

The state of Texas sent a strong message to women last year when it completely dismantled Medicaid funding for women’s healthcare so that Planned Parenthood wouldn’t get any state money — the cuts didn’t defund any abortions, because those were already not funded by state money. But the reasoning seemed to have been that pap smears are like a gateway drug to abortion, so to save babies, women’s health services at Planned Parenthood had to be murrrrrdered. Read more on Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars…
  it's all about the benjamins...and the ashleys and the brittanys and...

Buzzfeed Pimps Out Anti-Abortion Lies Because It Is Terrible

Some days, when the existential fear of meaninglessness that shadows all human life has pressed its jackbooted heel upon our tender necks and loss weighs upon our hearts, we like to cruise Buzzfeed for soul-affirming lists of 17 Cats That Know How to Party or 41 Awesome Muppet Show Sketches You Haven’t Watched Since 1982 or whatever. But sometimes Buzzfeed makes us sad, like when its Community section tries to Win All the Internets with bullshit lies from “clever” conservatives. Why do you hurt us so, Buzzfeed? Case in point is today’s “argle bargle liberals want to kill all the babies” tripe titled “8 Outrageous Things Planned Parenthood Was Caught Doing.” Sure! If by “caught doing” you mean “things PP employees said that anti-abortion advocates LiveAction.org willfully misinterpreted or tried to trick them into saying and then wouldn’t admit to doing so even after the FBI investigated and told LiveAction to slurp shit and die.” Read more on Buzzfeed Pimps Out Anti-Abortion Lies Because It Is Terrible…
  abortion + sex abuse claims + ??? = profit!

Anti-Abortion Plan Funded By Fracking Billionaire About As Ethical As You’d Expect

So here’s some conclusive evidence that hydraulic fracturing is bad for women’s health: A guy who became a billionaire in the industry is bankrolling an effort to persuade lawyers to sue abortion providers for malpractice and put them out of business. Kate Sheppard at Mother Jones reports that a Texas group called “Life Dynamics” is direct mailing tens of thousands of DVDs to attorneys: Read more on Anti-Abortion Plan Funded By Fracking Billionaire About As Ethical As You’d Expect…
  so's your face

The Instapundit Would Like All You Ladies To Know Just How Very Much Democrats Hate You

Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds, last seen in these pages mansplaining to Gabby Giffords that she should sit down and shut up and not worry her pretty little ventilated head about all those guns someone might use to shoot someone else in the brain, would like all the wimmenz to know that it is the Democrats what are making not love but war on you all the time: If you look past words to actual deeds, most of the action in the war on women seems to be coming from the Democratic front lately. Sure, if by lately you mean “last week.” The week before that (and before that, and before that) it was coming from Republicans in Texas and North Carolina and Wisconsin and Indiana and North Dakota. And on a daily basis in our Twitter feed it comes much more from conservatives complaining about horrors such as how they think they are being forced to pay for slut pills so women can have sexytimes without getting knocked up, and also for a whole host of other very unsexy health issues that conservatives never want to acknowledge doctors will often prescribe slut pills for. And it is not liberals that are constantly trying to run Planned Parenthood out of business by flat-out lying about the organization’s activities in order to remove a source of help for family planning and women’s health issues from our nation’s (usually much poorer) communities. Read more on The Instapundit Would Like All You Ladies To Know Just How Very Much Democrats Hate You…
  you know nothing of my work

Deleted Comments Of The Week: A Slushpile Sampler

It’s been a little while since our comments queue overflowed with good old fashioned vitriol, and as we’ve noted previously, we simply don’t seem to get the kind of unhinged semiliterate rants that made us all feel like worthly Wokette skum. Maybe that’s a reflection of the waning influence of the tea party? Happily, there’s a nonstop supply of derp out there, and some of it inevitably finds its way to Your Wonkette, where we recycle it for your snarking pleasure. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: A Slushpile Sampler…
  legislative badass with tired feet

Texas Senator Lady Yammers On About Abortion For 13 Hours, Probably On The Rag (Updated)

Updated Update: After everything seemed to be over, a pleasant surprise: The filibuster worked, and Senate Bill 5 was not passed. See new post here. Tonight, Dear Wonkers,  this filibusterin’ Texas Senate lady, state Sen. Wendy Davis, will prove whether ladies’ bladders are as wee as their brains. Sen. Davis is our newest nominee for Legislative Badass of the Year, and we are rooting for her and her silly lost cause of preserving women’s control over their own bodies. If only she can keep control over her little lady bladder, at least. We would call it Nice Time, but it’s more like Cliffhanger Time. Is there a livestream? Yes, there is a livestream. Read more on Texas Senator Lady Yammers On About Abortion For 13 Hours, Probably On The Rag (Updated)…
  pull up that ladder behind you

GOP Seeks Women Soldiers for War on Women

Hey ladies. Have you been patronized today? Have national Republicans belittled your tiny mind and puny ambition yet this week? Well, they might have, but would you have even noticed between all the housework and childcare and womanly duties? Probably not, so take yourself a little break from watching The View or prettifying yourself for your man, and let this mommyblog help you out. From Roll Call: House Republicans are putting the first touches on what they hope will be a formal program to recruit more female candidates for the 2014 midterm elections. Maybe you want to trade in that vacuum cleaner for a seat in the House of Representatives!  Read more on GOP Seeks Women Soldiers for War on Women…
  Fetus Interruptus

Nice Time! Supreme Court Says Indiana Slut Clinics Still Allowed To Bankrupt America

How are liberals winning the battle against the Fetal Menace today? Probably a lot of ways, but especially this: The State of Indiana will not be allowed to withhold Medicaid funding from Planned Parenthood! Says who, you ask? The Supreme Court, that’s who! (Actually they didn’t “say” anything, they just coldly and disdainfully “declined” to hear the case like total hardasses because, unique among the three branches of government, the courts don’t have any special incentive to waste everyone’s time putting on circuses to mollify the proles. ) So does this mean your taxes can FINALLY be used to enable the sinful lifestyles of all the wilding sluts you’d be banging or getting banged by if you weren’t bound to your seat by your hopeless addiction to the risible, bias-confirming antics of your Wonket? Read more on Nice Time! Supreme Court Says Indiana Slut Clinics Still Allowed To Bankrupt America…
  This helps ... NOT!

Oklahoma Senate Holds Sneaky Hush-Hush Vote To Defund Planned Parenthood While No One’s Looking

You would think the legislators of Oklahoma would have their hands full with that whole our-state-got-totaled-by-a-tornado (or maybe it was the government’s secret “weather weapons”) situation. But no, turns out they are staying focused on the single biggest threat EVAH: health care for ladyparts. In the wake of one of the most destructive tornadoes in history, Oklahoma state senators passed a bill on Wednesday that would effectively defund Planned Parenthood. Senate Bill 900, which re-allocates family planning funds to public providers and hospitals instead of private providers like Planned Parenthood, passed by a vote of 33 to 8. The state Senate was able to pass the bill somewhat under the radar because it was not posted on Wednesday’s legislative agenda. Isn’t that nice? While Oklahomans are sorting through the rubble that used to be their homes, and the rest of America is crying about dead children and sharing videos of that one lady who found her missing dog, and the state’s U.S. senators are competing against each other for Biggest Dickhole, those sneaky rascals in the state Senate figured they’d slip a quick little “Fuck you, womens” bill through, all quiet-like. Because lord knows that what Oklahomans who’ve lost their houses and maybe even their children really need right now is to also lose their affordable health care too. Priorities! But here is a nice silver lining sort of thing. Read more on Oklahoma Senate Holds Sneaky Hush-Hush Vote To Defund Planned Parenthood While No One’s Looking…
  Virginia Is for Losers

Virginia Loses Its Damn Mind, Steals Control of Crazy Train

Don’t look now, kids, but Virginia has turned the corner and gone nuts.  Seriously, it has gone It-Puts-The-Lotion-On-Its-Skin crazy. In just the past week, it has come to light that GOP nominees to state office and elected officials want to: force women who have miscarriages to report it to law enforcement officers; compared Planned Parenthood to the KKK; called out NObama for being a mooslim; shut down transparency; and sold the Governor’s Mansion for some cheap Virginia wine.  In an impressive feat, statewide nominees and officials have managed to wage a war on women, blacks, Muslims, transparency, and ethics! That’s enough wars to give Dick Cheney a year-long hard-on! Let’s review the play-by-play, shall we? Read more on Virginia Loses Its Damn Mind, Steals Control of Crazy Train…
  Junior Anti-Sex League

Insane ‘Life League’ Deeply Butthurt: NY Times Rejected Dumb Ad Saying Planned Parenthood Gives Porn To Kids

(Video may be NSFW if your place of employment considers tiny cartoon genitalia pornographic) You may have thought that we had something called “Freedom of the Press” here in America, but it turns out that there is no freedom for people who simply want to buy an ad in the New York Times to explain that Planned Parenthood uses pornography to “indoctrinate children and teens into a sick culture of sex.” And here is a link on the internet to prove just how oppressed the “American Life League” is by the Stalinist New York Times! The League of angry dingbats therefore recently issued a statement “questioning why major news outlets like the New York Times and Washington Post have declined their recent request to run ads highlighting the methods Planned Parenthood uses to target young kids,” implying that the ads were rejected for their “graphic content” rather than for being “bugfuck insane.” Way to go, major media outlets! By rejecting these paranoid ads, you have simply proven the League’s point that Planned Parenthood’s pornographic sex ed materials are too obscene for a family newspaper. For God’s sake, Planned Parenthood even tells teenagers that masturbation is not embarrassing, in direct contravention of common sense, the Bible, and the Constitution of the United States. Read more on Insane ‘Life League’ Deeply Butthurt: NY Times Rejected Dumb Ad Saying Planned Parenthood Gives Porn To Kids…
  Won't someone please think of the unborn children

President Obama To Eat Live Fetuses on TV Or Something Like That

Clutch your pearls and bring out the smelling salts, because this is sure to make fetus fetishists get all faint and outraged and stabby (or clinic bomby — for life, of course): Planned Parenthood Federation of America announced today that President Barack Obama will deliver the keynote address at the organization’s annual gala dinner in Washington DC on Thursday, April 25. The “Time For Care” dinner, attended by Planned Parenthood’s supporters and national and local leaders from across the country, will honor champions of women’s health. Read more on President Obama To Eat Live Fetuses on TV Or Something Like That…
  chicken-farking abortion edition

Idiot Republican Excited to End Non-Existent Federal Funding of Abortion

Oh hey look! It’s Idiot Republican Saying Stupid Shit o’clock again. This time, it’s Rep. Marsha Blackburn’s turn again, as usual. Give someone else a turn once a while, Marsha! She’s just so greedy: “I think that what you’re going to see with the [Kermit] Gosnell case is people will focus on, yes, the regulations, but also ending federal funding of abortion and that will come back into play,” Blackburn said during an appearance on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” Read more on Idiot Republican Excited to End Non-Existent Federal Funding of Abortion…
  More Teen Moms Please

Arkansas Senate Votes To Cut Sex Ed Funding So It Can Be No. 1 At Teen Pregnancy

Say this for Arkansas Republicans: They sure are ambitious! When they’re not busy banning abortion over and over and over again, they are hard at work thinking up clever new ways to have more teen moms, please. Yes, Arkansas already has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation — it’s no New Mexico, of course, but it’s pretty close. Still, those eager beavers aren’t going to give up until they are No. 1: The Arkansas state Senate passed a measure on Tuesday to defund Planned Parenthood and all other entities that provide abortions or patient referrals for abortions. The bill also cuts the funding for a Planned Parenthood-administered comprehensive sex education program in the state’s public high schools. Read more on Arkansas Senate Votes To Cut Sex Ed Funding So It Can Be No. 1 At Teen Pregnancy…
  hot teen sluts

Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!

Well here is another fine howdeyedo! Bill Diss, a computer and math teacher in Portland, Oregon, has been suspended just because (according to the district) he is unprofessional and intimidating and harassing and told his students they would end up on “82nd Avenue” (WHERE THE WHORES ARE) if they joined the “Let’s Not Get Pregnant After-School Club for Kidz” put on by the Department of Health and Human Services in conjunction with a bunch of baby-murdering pimpers named “Planned” “Parenthood.” But wait! There’s more! Read more on Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!…
  butt sechs?

Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts

Texas state Senator Donna Campbell isn’t trying to shut down abortion completely, we assume, since that would be unconstitutional. (She is totally trying to shut down abortion completely.) She would just, as a doctor and a woman, prefer it if the great state of Texas require that abortion clinics meet the regulatory standards for surgical centers, which would just happen to shut down all the state’s abortion clinics but five. But she has a super-good reason for this: because men bleed from their butts, and if a man is bleeding from his butt, then in the ER “We have a surgeon on call. But we don’t have a surgeon on call for someone who is hemorrhaging from the uterus.” Dr. Sen. Campbell, y’all! Read more on Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts…
  hahaha 'planned bullyhood'

Fired Wingnut Komen Lady Karen Handel Challenges Planned Parenthood To Bitch-Slap Contest

Oh, early 2012, we already miss you. At least in February 2012, we were well rid of Karen Handel, the then-vice president of Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Remember Karen? She’s the delightfully (?!) wingnutty anti-choice zealot that came up with the unbelievably genius plan to strip Planned Parenthood of monies for breast cancer screening, which is kind of an odd thing for an organization dedicated to preventing breast cancer! But you never know! You could go in for a mammogram but come out with an abortion. HAPPENS ALL THE TIME PEOPLE. Now? She is talkin’ some big talk about whoopin’ Planned Parenthood director Cecile Richards’ ass, because “ladylike.” Read more on Fired Wingnut Komen Lady Karen Handel Challenges Planned Parenthood To Bitch-Slap Contest…
  in jesus's name we slay

Oregon Man Protesting To Save God’s Precious Rape-Babies Stabs Other Man Seven Times

Well this does not seem so loving and joyful and Christ-like, but hey, what do we know. An Oregon man who is not Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin, or Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, and who’s been protesting for months outside a Planned Parenthood that doesn’t even offer abortion services got into a small bit of a brouhaha when a young lady kicked his stupid sign, and then he pushed her to the ground, and then she came back with her dad, and her dad punched the dude in the face a bunch of times, and then the first dude stabbed the dad a lot. Read more on Oregon Man Protesting To Save God’s Precious Rape-Babies Stabs Other Man Seven Times…