Tag Archives: planned parenthood

  Also pro-lifey

Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts

It'll just screw you harder
Now that the “pro-life” Republicans of Texas have saved women from access to abortion, for their own safety, by shutting down almost all of the state’s clinics, they’re ready to solve the next problem: too much access to cancer screenings. Read more on Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts…
  Uh ... thanks?

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

They sure love us
Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban certain types of birth control that they think murder babies (because they are idiots who don’t understand what contraception is), and protect employers’ “right” to tell you what kind of medicine you can use on your ladyparts comes the latest clever attempt to make life harder for the ladies, but, you know, “for the ladies.” Read more on Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome…
  Sincerely Helled Beliefs

Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too

Enough Norman Rockwell, and you're damned forever
We are once again pleasantly gobsmacked by the simple brilliance of our favorite First Amendment trolls, the dead-serious activist/satirists at the Satanic Temple. If Christianists are going to insist that sincerely held religious beliefs give them an opt-out for any law, then by the Hoary Beard of Baphomet, the same should hold for Satanists, which is why the Missouri branch of the Satanic Temple is preparing to sue for the right of a Satanist lady to skip Missouri’s dumb 72-hour waiting period for an abortion. Read more on Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too…
  Unfair!

Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans

Our thoughts exactly
BREAKING EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT TWITCHY! The liberal-biased interwebs are putting conservatives in Twitter jail, maybe (or maybe not) but probably (but probably not), just for being conservatives, OH NOES! Michelle Malkin, conservative keyboard-banging hero and founder of the the site with NINE PAID STAFFERS (or, ugh, maybe even more by now) who collect random tweets, mostly by Pat Sajak, and call it “the news wire of the 21st century,” is on to you, Twitter! Read more on Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans…
  Pray the AIDS away

Texas Republicans Will Cure AIDS Through Magic Jesus Sexytime School

Texas Republicans have a new never-been-tried-before plan to address the state’s rate of HIV infections (third highest in the country, congratulations!) and teen pregnancies: even more abstinence-only education. Texas Republicans voted to divert funds from an HIV screening program into abstinence education Tuesday night, during an often tense and uncomfortable debate that got too personal for some lawmakers. […] Read more on Texas Republicans Will Cure AIDS Through Magic Jesus Sexytime School…
  It's popcorn time in Texas

Texas Pro-Life Republicans Just Hahahaha No Seriously For Real This Story Just Read It

Texas State Rep. Jonathan Stickland
Who’s in the mood to watch Texas Republicans slap-fight with each other? Oh, everyone? OK then, let’s do that! The Texas legislature is considering yet another bill to shut down Planned Parenthood because that’s pretty much all the Texas legislature does, when it’s not trying to shut down The Gay and the Supreme Court. Read more on Texas Pro-Life Republicans Just Hahahaha No Seriously For Real This Story Just Read It…
  Stop ISISing the babbies

S.D. State Rep.: Stop Coming To America And Performing Legal Abortions, ISIS!

Activate super suction!
South Dakota state Rep. Isaac Latterell introduced a bill on Tuesday to make it illegal to behead babies in the course of an abortion, and he did it while comparing those same abortion providers to ISIS because they love beheadings just so much. Buckle in, folks. It doesn’t get any prettier. Read more on S.D. State Rep.: Stop Coming To America And Performing Legal Abortions, ISIS!…
  Choose Your Own A-Gender

Family Research Council Will Fix Constitutional Flaw That Allows Trans Americans Too Much Freedom

Yep, conspiracy to commit murder is right in there!
Could it be that the Religious Right — or at least some parts of it — has finally recognized that trying to reverse decades of civil rights progress by gay people is a lost cause? This might explain why it feels like they’re starting to freak out a lot more often about the threat to the Homeland posed by trans* people using whatever restroom they want. Or, also an optimistic view, they’re freaking out more because the culture as a whole is becoming incrementally friendlier to trans* folks? Read more on Family Research Council Will Fix Constitutional Flaw That Allows Trans Americans Too Much Freedom…
  Here have some news n stuff

Surprise! Real Sex Ed Really Works. No, Really.

That's one way to teach it
We all know that abstinence-only education and purity balls, where you pledge to save yourself for Daddy and Jesus, do not actually prevent kids from doing sex to each other. (We do all know that, right?) But there’s a new study that suggests real sex ed actually does the very thing that fake sex ed pretends to do: keeps kids from doing sex. Read more on Surprise! Real Sex Ed Really Works. No, Really….
  nice time!

All The Lady-Americans Are Saving Money On Slut Pills, Thanks Obama!

Best news of the day
Hooray, woot, yessssssss, #winning, and other celebratory expressions of joy. Here’s some good news, which we all need right about now, don’t we? According to a new study by the Guttmacher Institute (you can read the full study here, if you’re that kind of full-study-reading nerd), President Obama’s war on God and the First Amendment, also known as the no co-pay contraception provision of the Affordable Care Act, is working. Like, really working. Read more on All The Lady-Americans Are Saving Money On Slut Pills, Thanks Obama!…
  Katie Pavlich Attempts Journalism Again

Wingnut Outraged: Planned Parenthood Trying To Take Away Your Birth Control, Probably

Let's talk about slavery, Heather.
It has been some time since we produced an edition of our semi-regular feature That’s Our Katie!, wherein we chronicle the idiocy of Townhall bobblehead Katie Pavlich. Mostly we have avoided writing this feature because doing so requires us to read Katie Pavlich’s work, and our therapist has had us working on our self-respect lately. But screw it, we successfully balanced our checkbook yesterday and we’re feeling good! Read more on Wingnut Outraged: Planned Parenthood Trying To Take Away Your Birth Control, Probably…
  plam bam thank you ma'am

Anti-Choice Nitwits Just Going To Picket Everything Now Because Why Not?

We were already perfectly aware that people in the anti-choice movement have a rather casual relationship with the truth. Actually, that’s overstating the relationship a bit. Anti-choicers and truth do not even live in the same zip code. They might not even live in the same state. So, we shouldn’t be surprised to learn that the not-at-all-good people at Pro-Life Action Ministries (PLAM!) are mounting one of their patented full poutrage anti-abortion hissy fits, completely with “sidewalk counseling” at a Planned Parenthood location that does not actually perform abortions. Read more on Anti-Choice Nitwits Just Going To Picket Everything Now Because Why Not?…
  weird fetus fetish

Cheery ‘Operation Save America’ Folks Stage Fun-Times Open-Casket ‘Wake’ For Aborted Fetus

You can pet the fetus, Jimmy. Go ahead, pet the fetus.
Oh, those fun-loving merry tricksters from “Operation Save America!” Last Sunday, the little scamps invaded a Unitarian church to interrupt the service and yell the Gospel at the congregation. And they continued to let the Grim Times roll in New Orleans Tuesday, staging a public “wake” for what they claimed was an actual aborted fetus in an open coffin. Because there is absolutely nothing too weird for these people, except of course letting women make their own decisions about pregnancy. Read more on Cheery ‘Operation Save America’ Folks Stage Fun-Times Open-Casket ‘Wake’ For Aborted Fetus…
  supreme court rules sneeze guard must be removed

Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood

The Daily Caller advises us today that a Portland, Oregon, ice cream parlor offended the sensibilities of all good pearl-clutching citizens Thursday by holding a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood, and it even “created a new flavor of the frozen treat to mark the occasion.” Oh no! Now even ice cream has lost its innocence! The parlor, What’s the Scoop, donated 10% of all sales during a three-hour window to Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon, Planned Parenthood’s political arm, and featured the “exclusive, limited-edition ROSE CITY REVOLUTION flavor,” according to PPAO’s Facebook page. Rose City is one of Portland, Oregon’s nicknames. That seems pretty mild, really. No Fetus Crunch? No Devil’s Food & Chocolate D&C? Not even a George Tiller Chiller? Seems pretty wimpy to us. But no matter. Whatever the flavor, it’s the amniotic fluid on top that gives it that special kick. Read more on Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood…
  she's a baaler

Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably

This is encouraging! For all of us who wondered how we’ll ever get along come 2017, when a new president means we’ll be starved of “Obama is a muslin” stories, Washington Times columnist Robert Knight is auditioning a new possibility: Maybe Hillary Clinton worships Baal, a generic name for any one of several local deities that the Old Testament had no use for. (Thanks, Wikipedia!) You know, because ‘bortion. Or birth control that people are sure is ‘bortion even if it isn’t. Read more on Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably…