Tag Archives: planned parenthood

  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten.

I laugh at you idiots! So much!
Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and whew, what a week we had! Your Wonkette got lost (broken because bad server was bad), but then was found (fixed with a shiny new server!), was blind but now it sees! And you all made that possible! If you have not had a chance, please read our heartfelt THANK YOU for all the moneys you gave us to help us in our time of need. Read more on Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Hot Cop Dana Perino gonna arrest Planned Parenthood

Fox Genius Dana Perino Real Upset People Hate Torture More Than They Love Babies

Oh look, here is former George W. Bush spokesditz and current Fox Blonde Dana Perino, doing a dumb on the teevee again. Yes, again. What crawled up her butt and died this time? Did her husband get arrested some more? No, it’s The Media (stupid media, you stupids!), of which she is definitely not a member, even though she is on a show called “The Five,” on Fox News, which supposedly does news and is therefore The Media, so what the flippity fuck is she even blah-blahing about? She is all riled up because no one in The Media is covering these bogus sting videos of Planned Parenthood at all, which you probably haven’t heard about because The Media refuses to report on them (five million different ways), and which, according to dumb dick cohost Fox Guy are EVEN WORSE than those terrible videos of ISIS beheadings. Seriously. Read more on Fox Genius Dana Perino Real Upset People Hate Torture More Than They Love Babies…
  Deja us right in the vu

Republicans To Shut Down Government Again Because Screw You, America!

Future Republican Member of Congress
It has been almost five whole months since the grown-up Republicans in Congress threatened to SHUT IT DOWN faster than you can say “legitimate rape.” So now seems like a pretty good time to do that again, huh? It was so all kinds of fun last time, when we damn near defunded the Department of Homeland Security because — what was the reason again? Something something Obama shart-breath sadface? Yeah, that. Read more on Republicans To Shut Down Government Again Because Screw You, America!…
  Here a Hitler there a Hitler

Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama

Not what she said exactly but whatever!
So many Hitlers in the news this week, so little time! Barack Obama is doing Hitler stuff by making a deal with Iran to try to keep them from getting a bomb, which is very different from Republicans’ request of can we please just bomb that Muzzie country what scares us so much, and probably set off World War Three in doing so? Either you’re down with that plan or you’re totally Hitler. And now Sarah Silverman, a Twitter-verified Jewish, is one-upping Obama’s Hitler-ness by saying that Planned Parenthood is okay and doesn’t actually sell baby parts, even though it’s obvious that it sells so many baby parts. Coming soon to a mall near you! The Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Store! Right between Claire’s and Wet Seal!  (They do not sell baby parts, and if you believe that you are a fucking dumbshit.) Read more on Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama…
  Another fine moment in GOP outreach

Everyone Loves Planned Parenthood, So Republicans Are Trying To Kill It

Freedom!
Hello. Do you — or someone you love, or even just like, or maybe sat next to on a bus one time — have a vagina? Did you know there is a place where you, or that other person, can go to make sure the vag is in tip-top shape, with no weird rashes or lumps or unwanted babies in it, even if you do not have health insurance or any dollars American? Read more on Everyone Loves Planned Parenthood, So Republicans Are Trying To Kill It…
  But What About Marching Babies To The Oven Door?

Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks

No real reason for including Raptor Jesus here. We just like Raptor Jesus better than Ben Carson.
Ben Carson took his turn to swing the Idiot Stick at that fake story about Planned Parenthood running a Fetus-Parts Thrift Shop. Not only did he repeat the usual nonsense about how terrible it is that Planned Parenthood is forcing women to have a legal surgical procedure they can’t possibly want — what woman could ever want an abortion? — he also added an Extra Bonus Lie: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Planned Parenthood, and for all we know, the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus are all in on a massive conspiracy to “eliminate black people,” just as Margaret Sanger planned from the start. Read more on Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks…
  Trigger warning for ewwwwww

Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump’s Penis

Secret admirer, secret admirer!
Is that gross enough? Are you imagining Donald Trump’s penis now and wondering if his little head is coiffured the same as his big head? Because Fox News wingnut and suspected pee lover Todd Starnes sure seems to be! Read more on Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump’s Penis…
  In Which Obama Manages To Be Both Chamberlain AND Hitler

Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change

Thank god these Nazi analogies will go away when the next president is inaugurated.
Are we all tired of Obama-is-Hitler analogies? Well of course we are! But Mike Huckabee isn’t, because he found a really novel variation on the theme: Instead of Obama being just like a Nazi by forcing Americans to have healthcare or taking their guns away or –one of our favorites — letting them get student loans, Huckabee actually found some real Jews for Obama to do a Holocaust to! In an interview with Dead Breitbart’s Really, A Sirius Channel Is Too A Real Radio Station, Huckabee explained that the recent nuclear deal with Iran is exactly the same as the Endlösung: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change…
  Can anyone join in?

Senate Republicans Spent Their Sunday Being Dicks To Ted Cruz

Nope
Everyone hates Ted Cruz, right? Right. And his Republican colleagues in the Senate are no exception: Cruz, a Texas senator who is running for the Republican presidential nomination, drew the ire of his colleagues for claiming the top Republican in the Senate lied to him. He accused Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.) of going back on a promise he claims McConnell made to him about the contentious Export-Import Bank. It turns out there there is some rule for senators about how they are not supposed to be dicks to each other on the Senate floor: Rule 19, which, as Sen. Susan Collins explained, “is very clear that no senator is to impugn the integrity of another senator.” Apparently, calling the Senate majority leader a liar impugns his integrity, or whatever, and also, Republicans like McConnell much more than they like Cruz. So they all took their turns speechifying about what an immature rule-breaking dick Cruz is. Here’s Sen. Lamar Alexander, kicking Cruz in the nuts: Read more on Senate Republicans Spent Their Sunday Being Dicks To Ted Cruz…
  makes perfect sense

Senate GOP Screwing Lady Veterans Out Of Having Babies, Because Planned Parenthood

No babies for vets until they save all the babies!
Oooooh, Senate Republicans are SO mad! Turns out there is a thing called Planned Parenthood, it does healthcare to ladies, including abortion healthcare, and absolutely nothing — NOTHING! — is more important than putting a stop to that right now. Not even our veterans, who are all heroes, every single one of them, but most especially Sen. John McCain, even if he is a RINO. And definitely not our lady veterans, who want to have babies. Sorry ladies, you’ll just have to wait until the GOP saves all the babies first. Read more on Senate GOP Screwing Lady Veterans Out Of Having Babies, Because Planned Parenthood…
  so you say there's a race of men in the trees

Arizona Governor Demands Emergency Ban On Nonexistent Baby-Parts Flea Markets

Seems like Courtney Love should be mentioned here for some reason
Ever vigilant in its quest to at least try to keep up with Texas and Florida in the endless “Dumbest Laws Ever” competition, Arizona is planning to ban the sale of fetal tissue, which is already illegal, but now will become super-duper-extra-illegal thanks to that dumb bullshit “undercover video” of a Planned Parenthood lady selling aborted babby parts, except for how it shows no such thing. Still, Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey was super upset about all the abortions-for-hire that are taking place in the fevered imaginations of his anti-choice constituency, so he’s going to make sure that Arizona puts a stop to this horror that isn’t actually occurring. No word yet on whether Ducey also plans to ban women from picking men up in bars, slipping something into their drinks, then leaving them to wake up in a hotel bathtub full of ice, with both their kidneys stolen!!! Read more on Arizona Governor Demands Emergency Ban On Nonexistent Baby-Parts Flea Markets…
  Also bad at doctoring

Rand Paul Canceling Government Again, Because Planned Parenthood (And Because He’s A Dick)

He went to some kind of medical school?
Hiya, Rand Paul, how are you being terrible today? Doing a “filibuster“? Yelling at all the girl journalists, for not journalisming at you like you like? Telling jokes about your college Aqua Buddha hijinks when you “kidnapped” a lady, HAHAHAHA? (Probably not that, actually.) Read more on Rand Paul Canceling Government Again, Because Planned Parenthood (And Because He’s A Dick)…
  The Big Diseasy

New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed

Why not bring back the classics?
How’s this for a surprise? Louisiana, where abstinence-only sex ed is mandatory and schools are actually forbidden by law from teaching about contraception and STDs, has the cities with the highest and second-highest STD infection rates in this great nation of ours. Cosmopolitan New Orleans is actually #2 in that competition, with the top prize going to Baton Rouge, which is of course French for “Pustulent Crimson Infected Stick.” But Think Progress brings us an inspiring profile of a man who’s trying to change that: State Rep. Wesley Bishop, who has the daffy idea that maybe if New Orleans schools adopted comprehensive sex education, the city might actually scream a bit less frequently when it pees. Read more on New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed…
  You know who else made videos?

House GOP Knew About Planned Parenthood’s Fetus Parts Yard Sale Last Month, Didn’t Care

Not until you make them
By now, we all know about the gotcha video exposing Planned Parenthood for harvesting unborned baby parts — and their souls!!! — to sell on the black market, for money and for kicks. We also know the video is a family-sized crockpot of slow-roasted bullshit. (Yes, that is a thing we know. As we and everyone else have explained.) Read more on House GOP Knew About Planned Parenthood’s Fetus Parts Yard Sale Last Month, Didn’t Care…
  Suuuuuuuure

Why Is Planned Parenthood Selling Your Babby For Scrap? (Oh Right, It’s Not)

Here is some bullshit. You may have heard about or even watched the horrific and shocking five-alarm Drudge siren alert video released Tuesday, proving, according to its title, that “Planned Parenthood Uses Partial-Birth Abortions to Sell Baby Parts.” The video was released by the Center for Medical Progress. Never heard of it? That’s because it didn’t really exist before Tuesday. Read more on Why Is Planned Parenthood Selling Your Babby For Scrap? (Oh Right, It’s Not)…