Tag Archives: planned parenthood

  It's popcorn time in Texas

Texas Pro-Life Republicans Just Hahahaha No Seriously For Real This Story Just Read It

Texas State Rep. Jonathan Stickland
Who’s in the mood to watch Texas Republicans slap-fight with each other? Oh, everyone? OK then, let’s do that! The Texas legislature is considering yet another bill to shut down Planned Parenthood because that’s pretty much all the Texas legislature does, when it’s not trying to shut down The Gay and the Supreme Court. Read more on Texas Pro-Life Republicans Just Hahahaha No Seriously For Real This Story Just Read It…
  Stop ISISing the babbies

S.D. State Rep.: Stop Coming To America And Performing Legal Abortions, ISIS!

Activate super suction!
South Dakota state Rep. Isaac Latterell introduced a bill on Tuesday to make it illegal to behead babies in the course of an abortion, and he did it while comparing those same abortion providers to ISIS because they love beheadings just so much. Buckle in, folks. It doesn’t get any prettier. Read more on S.D. State Rep.: Stop Coming To America And Performing Legal Abortions, ISIS!…
  Choose Your Own A-Gender

Family Research Council Will Fix Constitutional Flaw That Allows Trans Americans Too Much Freedom

Yep, conspiracy to commit murder is right in there!
Could it be that the Religious Right — or at least some parts of it — has finally recognized that trying to reverse decades of civil rights progress by gay people is a lost cause? This might explain why it feels like they’re starting to freak out a lot more often about the threat to the Homeland posed by trans* people using whatever restroom they want. Or, also an optimistic view, they’re freaking out more because the culture as a whole is becoming incrementally friendlier to trans* folks? Read more on Family Research Council Will Fix Constitutional Flaw That Allows Trans Americans Too Much Freedom…
  Here have some news n stuff

Surprise! Real Sex Ed Really Works. No, Really.

That's one way to teach it
We all know that abstinence-only education and purity balls, where you pledge to save yourself for Daddy and Jesus, do not actually prevent kids from doing sex to each other. (We do all know that, right?) But there’s a new study that suggests real sex ed actually does the very thing that fake sex ed pretends to do: keeps kids from doing sex. Read more on Surprise! Real Sex Ed Really Works. No, Really….
  nice time!

All The Lady-Americans Are Saving Money On Slut Pills, Thanks Obama!

Best news of the day
Hooray, woot, yessssssss, #winning, and other celebratory expressions of joy. Here’s some good news, which we all need right about now, don’t we? According to a new study by the Guttmacher Institute (you can read the full study here, if you’re that kind of full-study-reading nerd), President Obama’s war on God and the First Amendment, also known as the no co-pay contraception provision of the Affordable Care Act, is working. Like, really working. Read more on All The Lady-Americans Are Saving Money On Slut Pills, Thanks Obama!…
  Katie Pavlich Attempts Journalism Again

Wingnut Outraged: Planned Parenthood Trying To Take Away Your Birth Control, Probably

Don't ask me, I'm just a girl...OH DAMMIT, THERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE MISOGYNY.
It has been some time since we produced an edition of our semi-regular feature That’s Our Katie!, wherein we chronicle the idiocy of Townhall bobblehead Katie Pavlich. Mostly we have avoided writing this feature because doing so requires us to read Katie Pavlich’s work, and our therapist has had us working on our self-respect lately. But screw it, we successfully balanced our checkbook yesterday and we’re feeling good! Read more on Wingnut Outraged: Planned Parenthood Trying To Take Away Your Birth Control, Probably…
  plam bam thank you ma'am

Anti-Choice Nitwits Just Going To Picket Everything Now Because Why Not?

We were already perfectly aware that people in the anti-choice movement have a rather casual relationship with the truth. Actually, that’s overstating the relationship a bit. Anti-choicers and truth do not even live in the same zip code. They might not even live in the same state. So, we shouldn’t be surprised to learn that the not-at-all-good people at Pro-Life Action Ministries (PLAM!) are mounting one of their patented full poutrage anti-abortion hissy fits, completely with “sidewalk counseling” at a Planned Parenthood location that does not actually perform abortions. Read more on Anti-Choice Nitwits Just Going To Picket Everything Now Because Why Not?…
  weird fetus fetish

Cheery ‘Operation Save America’ Folks Stage Fun-Times Open-Casket ‘Wake’ For Aborted Fetus

You can pet the fetus, Jimmy. Go ahead, pet the fetus.
Oh, those fun-loving merry tricksters from “Operation Save America!” Last Sunday, the little scamps invaded a Unitarian church to interrupt the service and yell the Gospel at the congregation. And they continued to let the Grim Times roll in New Orleans Tuesday, staging a public “wake” for what they claimed was an actual aborted fetus in an open coffin. Because there is absolutely nothing too weird for these people, except of course letting women make their own decisions about pregnancy. Read more on Cheery ‘Operation Save America’ Folks Stage Fun-Times Open-Casket ‘Wake’ For Aborted Fetus…
  supreme court rules sneeze guard must be removed

Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood

The Daily Caller advises us today that a Portland, Oregon, ice cream parlor offended the sensibilities of all good pearl-clutching citizens Thursday by holding a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood, and it even “created a new flavor of the frozen treat to mark the occasion.” Oh no! Now even ice cream has lost its innocence! The parlor, What’s the Scoop, donated 10% of all sales during a three-hour window to Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon, Planned Parenthood’s political arm, and featured the “exclusive, limited-edition ROSE CITY REVOLUTION flavor,” according to PPAO’s Facebook page. Rose City is one of Portland, Oregon’s nicknames. That seems pretty mild, really. No Fetus Crunch? No Devil’s Food & Chocolate D&C? Not even a George Tiller Chiller? Seems pretty wimpy to us. But no matter. Whatever the flavor, it’s the amniotic fluid on top that gives it that special kick. Read more on Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood…
  she's a baaler

Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably

This is encouraging! For all of us who wondered how we’ll ever get along come 2017, when a new president means we’ll be starved of “Obama is a muslin” stories, Washington Times columnist Robert Knight is auditioning a new possibility: Maybe Hillary Clinton worships Baal, a generic name for any one of several local deities that the Old Testament had no use for. (Thanks, Wikipedia!) You know, because ‘bortion. Or birth control that people are sure is ‘bortion even if it isn’t. Read more on Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably…
  Abortion Things

The Time An Abortion Protester ‘Counseled’ Me

Yesterday’s SCOTUS decision striking down a protester buffer ring around Massachusetts health clinics made me remember the time I got “counseled” by a man protesting Planned Parenthood. He yelled “MURDERER!” at me and waved a Bible. I was 25, scared, and fresh off a nasty surprise in the form of a broken condom. I blurted out, “Not yet!” Read more on The Time An Abortion Protester ‘Counseled’ Me…
  baby come on give me one more chance

RNC Targets Women & Minorities, And Not Just For Voter Suppression! (Video)

You all remember how the Republicans made a big show after Nobummer’s re-election of learning that maybe putting all their eggs in the ‘angry white man’ basket might not work in modern America? That lasted about 2.8 seconds, until Republicans started, you know, being Republican. But since the report that outlined that sincere push was released a year ago today, the RNC has put out a teevee advertisement proving that they can, indeed, find minorities and women to say they are Republican. Click on the video! Seriously, give it a watch! One guy even speaks Mexican, so we assume Rep. Steve King is checking his calves for illegal cantaloupes right this minute!  Read more on RNC Targets Women & Minorities, And Not Just For Voter Suppression! (Video)…
  old wine in new bottle

Your Wonkette Field Guide To America’s New Sweetheart, Cathy McMorris Rodgers

So how about that State of the Union response, huh? No, not Mike Lee, though we’re sure that was adorable. Nope, not Rand Paul. We couldn’t even find his speech. The lady one. No, not the Spanglish-speaking one. The OTHER lady. The one that spoke American but gave the same speech. Cathy John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt McMorris Rodgers. That one. Wasn’t she a treat? Did you like it as she simpered and unfortunate-necklined her way into your heart, where the real State of the Union lives? Us too! We are sold on her vision for America, even though the speech didn’t really explain what that was. “Anything but the black guy” may be a rallying cry, but does not actually count as a plan to run a country, much to the GOP’s chagrin. So, what is America’s new Super Sweetheart SuperMom like? Besides being remarkably fecund while in office, having 3 babbies in 6 years, all during her Congressional terms, she is otherwise pretty much your garden variety little snipe of a Republican, but with lady parts, which makes her extra well-suited for reaching out to ladies, because their uteri can all quiver in harmony or bow down before a really busy uterus like Cathy’s or something like that. Read more on Your Wonkette Field Guide To America’s New Sweetheart, Cathy McMorris Rodgers…
  a vagina-d monologue

Despite Risk Of Raging Libido, GOP Picks a LADY To Deliver State Of The Union Response

Oh ladies. If the GOP isn’t insulting your intellectual capacity, demanding you be submissive, or trying to keep your libido in check (because you are all raging fuckmonsters), then they are desperately wooing you for your votes. Their latest attempt to distract from their 1930-era policies is to scrounge around and find a GEN-YOU-INE lady to deliver the Republican response to the State of the Union. Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA) will deliver the response immediately following the President’s address on Tuesday night. Who is this lady what speaks for the GOP? Let’s wonksplore. Read more on Despite Risk Of Raging Libido, GOP Picks a LADY To Deliver State Of The Union Response…
  Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Scalia Wrote Supreme Court’s Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick

The story so far: Under a hail of imaginary bricks and pee jars and real sexy Wendy Davises, Texas’s state legislature passed a law that says all current abortion providers must have admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of their clinics. Supporters of the bill said it was to help ladies be healthier, not to stop them from getting abortions WINK WINK they are WINKing because of course it was to stop them from getting abortions, dummy! Then we got excited when a District Court found the nobortions part of the law unconstitutional, but that Nice Time was short-lived because the Fifth Circuit court issued a stay of judgment against the District Court, what a dick move! Incidentally, saying “dick move” three times in front of a mirror is how you call Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, who just wrote the Supreme Court’s refusal (PDF) to vacate the thing that overturned the thing that stopped the thing that stopped the abortions. It’s minor Scalia, but parts of it are interesting, like when Nino tells us about Logic: Read more on Scalia Wrote Supreme Court’s Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick…
  war on women? what war on women?

5th Circuit Reinstates Awful Texas Abortion Regulations, Coat Hanger Futures Skyrocketing

Well, that half-hearted celebration sure was premature. The 5th Circuit Court of Appeals has rescinded Monday’s federal ruling that had found part of Texas’s terrible abortion law unconstitutional, restoring restrictions that will have the effect of closing most of the state’s clinics. “This unanimous decision is a vindication of the careful deliberation by the Texas Legislature to craft a law to protect the health and safety of Texas women,” Attorney General Greg Abbott said in a statement. It is unknown at press time whether Abbott’s pants were literally on fire at the time. Read more on 5th Circuit Reinstates Awful Texas Abortion Regulations, Coat Hanger Futures Skyrocketing…
  burning with christ's love

Missouri Man Confesses To Arsons At Mosque, Planned Parenthood Office, Is Definitely Not A Terrorist Because ‘White’

Hey, remember that loony guy last year who protested all the gheys by setting fire to a box of Cheerios at gay-friendly General Mills, with hilarious lawn-burning results? OK, that guy is not really part of this story at all, but the very same day we ran that story, another friend of Jebus burned a mosque to the ground in Joplin, Missouri, and we reported the two events together, because hey, setting stuff on fire for the Prince of Peace, right? So now, a bit over a year later, the mosque-burner, one Jedediah Stout, 29, has confessed to police after being arrested for two recent attempts to set fire to Joplin’s Planned Parenthood clinic. He also admitted to an earlier 2012 attempt to burn the same mosque. If nothing else, Mr. Stout is a study in perseverance and the work ethic, the little arsonist who could — at least once out of four tries. We’re waiting patiently for Stout to be charged with terrorism as well. HA-HA, who are we kidding? Read more on Missouri Man Confesses To Arsons At Mosque, Planned Parenthood Office, Is Definitely Not A Terrorist Because ‘White’…
  your tax dollars at work

Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies

In case you were wondering what depths that monster Obama would sink to in order to promote his Hitlerian death panel scheme AKA Obamacare, wonder no more. Planned Parenthood, a beneficiary of federal tax dollars and the largest abortion provider in America, is now hooking up with actresses Scarlett Johansson, Aisha Tyler and Gabrielle Union to push people to use Obamacare. Read more on Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies…
  lives of the scholars

Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’

Longtime Wonkette frenemy and gift to satire Bradlee Dean took to the interwebs Saturday to share some insights on the “Sons of Liberty Radio” podcast, warning that Barack Hussein Obama is no friend of the dusky-hued races, nevermind what the lamestream media has brainwashed people to think: And do tell your black friends and your Hispanic friends, that the Obama Administration, through Planned Parenthood, is looking to eradicate the Hispanic and the Negro race. Hey friends, just saying, just ask Margaret Sanger, do a little homework friends. He probably also thinks that Obama seeks to eliminate the Chinaman, the Hindoo, and the Hottentot, while leaving America helpless in the face of the imminent Mahometan threat. Read more on Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’…
  reproductive rites

Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina

Noted debutante Bristol Palin, who became an unwilling postergirl for chastity and purity and second virginities and whatnot (second virginities are when you only give up the butt), has done posted a “thought” on the MyFace and her dumb religion blog, and honestly, she is probably plumb tuckered out from having it ghostwritten for her. What is echoing around Bristol Palin’s perfectly zen uterus (that is where she keeps her brains) today? Read more on Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina…
  planned perot-hood

Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars

The state of Texas sent a strong message to women last year when it completely dismantled Medicaid funding for women’s healthcare so that Planned Parenthood wouldn’t get any state money — the cuts didn’t defund any abortions, because those were already not funded by state money. But the reasoning seemed to have been that pap smears are like a gateway drug to abortion, so to save babies, women’s health services at Planned Parenthood had to be murrrrrdered. Read more on Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars…