Tag Archives: planned parenthood

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page

Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle
Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle What a week! Our Deleted Comments queue fairly groans with vast loads of deleted idiocy, and yet, we find ourselves facing quite the conundrum: While we had enormous numbers of deleted comments, not many of them were really all that worth mocking — they were more tiresome than absurd. And yet, we will muddle through, somehow. At least our story on Ben Shapiro’s gay-panic meltdown in response to the horrific shootings in Virginia managed to elicit an eminently quotable comment from “WILLIAM H GATHERCOLE & NORAH G.” They appear to write comments as two people, and really want us to witness the power of their ALL-CAPS USERNAME. The joint Gathercole entity took issue with our highly unprofessional tone and parlance in the piece: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page…
  wonksplainer

Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall

Congress
Don’t be a hero. Congress is coming back to DC, and you need this. Raise your hand if you are about to get fucked over by Congress. (Hint: All of you should have a hand raised.) Now use the other hand to pour yourself a stiff drink, because you’re gonna need it. Read more on Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall…
  That we know of

The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week

Just Jeb!
Just Jeb! Oh, that Jeb Bush! He is literally THE WORST at running for president of America. It’s like his entire life, he’s been living in the shadow of his dad and his brother, and he’s just really tired of how every single time he walks in the front door of the Kennebunkport manse, his mother Barbara drops her polite demeanor, stands up on the dining room table and starts flapping her arms yelling “LOSER! LOSER! SHOULDA BEEN AN ABORTION!” And Jeb’s all like “NOT AGAIN MOM!” but she can’t hear him because she’s cracked herself up so hard she’s looking for an inhaler. Read more on The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week…
  Get Your Bingo Cards Out

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity. Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We’ve been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you’ll be astonished at the range of reasons it happened. Or you might be astonished, if you’re new to our great nation and its insane politics. Welcome to America! Here, you’ll want this flak jacket. So why did this terrible thing happen? Here’s a handy roundup! Read more on Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo…
  Not that anyone's surprised

Planned Parenthood Sting Videos Are Full Of Bullcrap. No, Even MORE Bullcrap.

Everyone is getting tired of this Are we still talking about Planned Parenthood stealing baby parts from your lady cave, in the dead of night, to sell on Amazon? (Order with Prime and have it by tomorrow!) Yes, we are, groan and growl and MANY EXPLETIVES! Read more on Planned Parenthood Sting Videos Are Full Of Bullcrap. No, Even MORE Bullcrap….
  Mad About A Thing

Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare

Oh really? So this happened: Don’t believe it? See for yourselves: Perhaps Jeb Bush, who proudly slashed Florida’s funding of women’s healthcare when he was the state’s governor and redirected it to crisis pregnancy centers, which do not provide healthcare services, would like to clarify precisely what he means by “women’s health issues.” Read more on Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare…
  duh

You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

God's financial analyst.
God’s financial analyst. Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It’s plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus knows what it’ll be doing, which is why Grandpa Pat takes comfort in What A Friend He Has In Jesus. Now, you might have gotten on the internet and Googled, “Why the hell is the stock market being bad?” And you might have found articles like this here thingamajig explainer in Slate, which says China’s stock market and currency are tanking and taking the rest of the world with them. And if you’re a common godless liberal, you believe it, like A Idiot. Read more on You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion…
  psa

Anna Duggar Should Stop By Her Local Planned Parenthood, And So Should You

STDs are not a laughing matter, you guys. So, the penis of “family values” whore-creeper Josh Duggar has been mysteriously falling into unknown vagina parts lately, and we know they don’t do sex education very good in fundamentalist Christian circles, but there are crotch crickets in those hills, and they can GET YOU. In fact, some crotch crickets might have been living in one of the vaginas Josh Duggar visited on his Ashley Madison American Vagina Tour, and they might have gotten on his peen. They can do that without him even knowing it! They could be like “We are just renting space on this peen, we don’t want to live here, but we WOULD like to live in his wife’s pants!” So lo and behold, the Duggar boy may have taken something gnarly home to his wife, who does NOT DESERVE THAT. Read more on Anna Duggar Should Stop By Her Local Planned Parenthood, And So Should You…
  Definitive proof

‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So

DOH!
DOH! Hey remember that time a million years ago (but really in the middle of July) when lying twat-gurgler anti-choice extremists from Operation Rescue and Live Action, going under the name “Center For Medical Progress,” released a SHOCK VIDEO that showed Planned Parenthood folks getting all excited about the bargain they got on fetus parts at the Fetus Parts Farmers Market that morning? And remember how quickly it became a SCIENCE FACT that this was what was happening, due to Fox News and all its associated dumbfucks on the right (especially the ones in Congress) said it was a FACT, not only because they are dishonest, but because they are also very stupid? Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So…
  GOP sad face

More Bad News About Planned Parenthood. For Republicans, That Is

Though not for long at this rate You know how Republicans have been furiously jerking their little mottled boner stumps to their snuff flick fantasies of murdering Planned Parenthood? And we have been screaming what a dumb idea that is because everyone loves Planned Parenthood — waaaaaaaay more than they love all the presidential candidates and the whole Republican Party, in fact — and also, millions of women and boy-women rely on Planned Parenthood for their healthcare, and taking away people’s healthcare, or even just threatening to take away people’s healthcare, is a real dick move. It is also a real dumb move too: Read more on More Bad News About Planned Parenthood. For Republicans, That Is…
  Womb Raider

Dr. Ben Carson’s An Abortion Archaeologist, What Do You Think About That?

Just imagine it's a pith helmet or whatever
Just imagine it’s a pith helmet or whatever So you know how Ben Carson was a co-author of a paper involving fetal tissue research, even though he thinks fetal tissue research is really gross and squicky, and Planned Parenthood should stop selling Buicks that are made out of babies? Dr. Carson would like to clear up a few things about that. Even though his name is on the paper, he did not personally do any research on fetal tissue himself. And he’s got a very compelling explanation for why he is free of the taint of “fetal tissue research” in the study: As a surgeon, he’s only the guy whose study used fetal tissue, is all. [See update below.] Read more on Dr. Ben Carson’s An Abortion Archaeologist, What Do You Think About That?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom Our piece last week on the nice North Carolina dad who was an ardent Open Carry enthusiast (and whose Facebook page was full of pro-gun, anti-Obama, and anti-Muslim messages) who shot his two preschool-aged sons to death drew the usual bunch of Second Amendment defenders who gunsplained to us that the problem isn’t guns — it’s never guns — but it also received complaints from folks with a refreshingly new perspective, if by “refreshingly new” you mean “familiar clichés that we haven’t seen in at least a week or two.” You see, kids, as would-be commenter “Valerie Emmons” informs us, we are actually huge hypocrites for even being the least bit upset about a drunk man who shot his 3- and 4-year-old sons multiple times after assaulting his wife, because we also support a women’s right to choose a legal surgical procedure: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!…
  see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya

I Came, I Saw, I Got The F*ck Out: Your (Final) Florida Roundup

Dumber than a speeding bullet
Dearest Wonks, There’s a confession Yr Florida Correspondent needs to get off his chest: Yr Florida Correspondent does not actually live in Florida, and has not for some months now. Instead, the day job has drawn me to North Carolina, which is its own brand of crazy, but is not Florida. And then, as of last week, the day job gave me a promotion, which means I’m now way too busy all the time, which means — sniff! — this will have to be the last Roundup, at least the last one I write. (Go ahead and mourn in the comments, which we do not allow.) Read more on I Came, I Saw, I Got The F*ck Out: Your (Final) Florida Roundup…
  Money money money

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Why Did Jesus Send Us To Collections, Mommy?

PAY UP. Welcome back, sinners. It’s time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin! We would like to take this time to remind our readers that unless you’ve paid your monthly $7.99 readers’ fee, in addition to keeping up on your annual $150 membership fee to our 2 Smart 4 Scammers Club, and thrown in a couple extra bucks towards Donna Rose’s college fund while you’re at it, you are forbidden to read this week’s edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin. We tried to erect a paywall like some sort of real newspaper, but we can’t afford to build that paywall unless you pay us the money to keep you away from our content! Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Why Did Jesus Send Us To Collections, Mommy?…
  gross

Rick Santorum Knows Fetuses Are Cuddle Buddies, Not ‘Medical Research’

I did not do research on that fetus!
I did not do research on that fetus! Ooh, Rick Santorum said a ZING! at one of the idiots he’s running against, Ben Carson, because that’s how he’s going to get the Republican nomination, by yipping at the other loser candidates like an underfoot Pomeranian. He’s ankle-biting Carson, because back in Carson’s doctor days, he did all sorts of fetus parts research. If Santorum were a doctor (LOL), would HE do fetus parts research? Golly gee, no way, CNN’s Chris Cuomo, how could you even suggest such a thing?! Read more on Rick Santorum Knows Fetuses Are Cuddle Buddies, Not ‘Medical Research’…