* Mike Huckabee’s overextended metaphor is charmingly revealing to people who don’t use the oven to heat their apartments. [Newsweek]
* If politically correct means “not being an asshole,” then there is one funny thing about Bill Maher’s show. [Pandagon]
* McCain online campaign event too boring to waste the two clicks. [techPresident]
* Newt Gingrich really likes Chuck Schumer’s book. [Freakonomics]
* Walter Reed doctors still using pirate-era technology. [C&L]
* Sister’s boyfriend’s buddy’s cousin heard from a soldier at Ft. Stewart that they’re deploying to Iran any second now. [TAPPED]

Resident cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon stops by each and every Friday to guide us through the magical world of Today’s Cartoons. They tackle the issues of the day, then we clothesline them. Circle of life or some shit.

This week, Hezbollah saves New Orleans and Pluto, Disney’s intellectual property is stolen, and pirates brutally murder children. It’s all after the jump.

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Lots of us will be going to the movies this weekend, but sometimes it’s hard to pick the one that won’t turn little Billy into a hairdresser, or one which won’t fill little Sally’s head with radical thought of satanism, Islam and belly shirts. Could one use, you wonder, the new Pirates of the Caribbean sequel to learn imortant lessons about Jesus and God’s love? Heck, is the Pope a Nazi? Of course you can! MORE »

Last month, on Wonkette:

LAURA BLUMENFELD YOU ARE OUR NEW FAVORITE WRITER. [...] Will you please make your next piece an epic high-seas romance with international intrigue, swashbuckling, and daring-do, starring Joe Biden and a giant lizard?

Today, in Laura Blumenfeld’s “Off Camera” Column:

“I imagine I’m a pirate,” [Norman Mineta] said. “Of the Caribbean.”

Exciting conclusion, after the jump!

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* As a resident in the state of Pennsylvania, I want to take this opportunity on behalf of all Pennsylvanians to say…. HELP! PLEASE! CALL THE UN! CALL IN THE NATIONAL GUARD! ORGANIZE SOME SORT OF COMMISSION! PLEASE HELP US! It’s bad enough that we have to deal with Santorum’s crazy ass, but Chris Matthews? If that were to happen I would have to give up all hope and move to Jersey *shiver*
* The whole Katherine Harris things is starting to make me feel dirty.
* Someone should seriously start something called “WonkettePAC,” whereby we raise money then go around supporting only the most bat-shit-crazy pols. Seriously, it would do a lot for democracy by making it a hell of a lot more entertaining. Just imagine… a country with more Ada Smiths, Cynthia McKinneys, and… dare I wish… Rep. Adele Fergusens???
* AAAAHHH! That iFrist graphic IS NOT A SPOOF, REPEAT, NOT A SPOOF! IT’S ACTUALLY FROM FRIST’S WEBSITE! Which also ACTUALLY USES THE WORD “IFRIST!” Sweet Jesus, I hope Steve Jobs sues.
* The funny thing is (and I know this because I’m the dude in the blue shirt/grey slacks pretending to send text message in order to get closer to the action) through the whole takedown, the ninja just kept repeating “My hair is not an issue. And it shouldn’t be an issue.” over and over again.
* [The entire Brian Doyle post comments clusterfuck is worth your perusal, but we particularly liked:]*taps nose twice to alert FBI. Does a double ear-lobe pull and nods in the general direction of illotus and his explorer “history” file.
* i guess the atf votes pirate?

When a child is acting up, demanding attention, often the best strategy to correct their behavior is to ignore them — deprive them of the attention they crave, to demonstrate that it’s best won with good behavior. We have tried that, o’er these last few weeks, with playwright/satirist/critic/author/blogger David Mamet. But today, well, we’re giving in. We never said we were good with kids. And, really, can you blame us?

It is difficult to express in text the sound we made when we saw this cartoon. But it was something very close to “AAAAARRGH,” actually. Your keen ear for casual speech hasn’t failed you this time, Dave! Though that doesn’t really make up for the fact that this is the stupidest thing we’ve seen all week, and we watched The Situation Room on Tuesday. MORE »

Writing in Legal Affairs, Douglas R. Burgess looks to the history of European piracy as a possible precedent for containing latter-day Islamist terrorists. Burgess admits that the analogy “seems like a stretch” at first, but points out that England’s Queen Elizbeth initially abetted the country’s later pirate tormentors by recrtuiting them as adjunct forces to the Royal Navy–much as “the United States is credited with manufacturing its own enemy by training, funding, and outfitting terrorist groups in the Middle East, Afghanistan, and Central America during the cold war.” It’s unclear how pirates came by the whole blowing-themselves-up-to-achieve-eternal-reward-in-Paradise M.O., but we at Wonkette HQ are admittedly derelict in our studies of Elizabethan naval law. Actually, Burgess’s argument is a thoughtful and suggestive one, noting that international jurists managed to strip pirates of most political sponsors by declaring them “scorners of the law of nations [who] hence . . . find no protection in that law.” He also notes that any such consensus is “very far away” in the present war on terror. MORE »