When Trayvon Martin was killed, it looked really bad for George Zimmerman until it was discovered that he was fighting the savage effects of a marijuana-fueled person of color. Little did Zimmerman know that the young man he was chasing was seeking weedemption for all of his terrorist pot smoking members who belong to a […]

So, this is going badly: “Fire breaks out again at Fukushima’s No. 4 reactor.” That’s a new fire. And U.S. surgeon general Regina Benjamin is in the San Francisco Bay Area, telling the teevee news cameras that it’s maybe a good idea to get those Potassium Iodide tablets … which are sold out everywhere. “Oh […]

Self-proclaimed “street guy” who also is “chairman of a country club political party” Michael Steele is expected to say all sorts of preposterous things during the first RNC spoken word debate this evening. And Michael is already mowing down the competition: Bunk-ass hater Gentry Collins, a former RNC political director best known for writing a […]

Well, this is nifty! Consumer Reports performs a valuable service for you, the consumer, by putting giant phalluses through the rigors of a public cardiac stress test in Washington’s own Union Station. No wait, them there is pills, demonstrating how a scientist in the future might compare the effectiveness of different drugs. Note the eye […]

Thursday, early evening. She turns the key to her Dungeon of Medicines, an isolated pod floating atop the highest vistas of Park Avenue. It is constructed of the finest Metals and can only be reached by rickshaw. Even after all these years, the scent of myrrh lingers. A glass of scotch is poured and she […]

Whew, that was close. Goofy old national joke John “Walnuts!” McCain had threatened to skip tonight’s debate unless he, uh, solved the Financial Crisis. Luckily for us, the 500-year-old clown can’t “keep his word” for more than a few minutes, so of course he’ll be at the debate tonight, unless he changes his mind again, […]

Thank you to reliable Wonkette Philly operative “D-mac” for sending us this image from the front page of philly.com earlier today. Ha, the “National Label Company,” WHAT? Whatever it is, they make drugs, orange drugs, and Cindy just starts feeling that itch all over her body.

Presidential trophy wife Cindy McCain, who already has 20 or 30 million bucks, is going to get another million — from the sale of an American corporation! Cindy’s fortune comes from her inherited beer distribution business, of which Anheuser-Busch is a major client. Now that Anheuser-Busch is being sold to hippie Belgian giant InBev NV, […]

JOHN MCCAIN  10:06 pm April 17, 2008

by Jim Newell