By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ha ha, another week gone, another week in which our economy and the posh lifestyle it has afforded us continues to circle the drain, leading us inevitably towards despair! This has of course led to much finger-pointing, recrimination, etc. Should Tim Geithner be in charge of the Treasury? Should the entire class of jackholes who ran the financial services industry for the last decade be purged? And if so, who should we replace them with? Oh, sure, you liberals will be all like “Trained government bureaucrats!” But is that really “outside the box” enough for our current predicament? What if instead we turned to the animal kingdom? They could do all the work, while we relaxed and lived like kings! MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hey, how’s what’s-his-name doing, you know, the Muslim fellow? President Whosit? I guess there’s some sort of stimulus thingie he’s dealing with right now, and some tax-related dealies with the people he’s trying to hire? Whatever, what we really want to know is: is he sexing our nation’s capital up with all the sexy sexy sex? According to the media and its political cartoonists, the answer is a very sexy yes! MORE »

How will we survive the lean economy if there’s no more bacon? [Time] MORE »

This is John McCain at his shanty in Arizona, which he represents in the Senate. [Getty Photo]

APRIL FOOL’S, GOT YOU: It’s actually an AP photo. Haw haw haw!

Or is it? NOTICE: You must watch to the very end. The very end. And this is all you get because Ashley’s Girls Gone Wild embarrassment will be forever sealed (until it’s leaked on the Internet this weekend) because it turns out she was only 17, the end. [Thanks Pareene!]

A group of Virginians are claiming that Virginian settlers held the first Thanksgiving in 1619, a full year before the better-know Puritans broke their bread of thanks. Also, there was no turkey served, but there was probably ham. So, a children’s author in Virginia Beach, Lisa Suhay, is trying to get President Bush to pardon a pig in addition to the regular Thanksgiving turkey. The White House is saying no dice (because bacon tastes good and pork chops taste good), but Bush did head down to the less No. part of Va. yesterday to acknowledge that they are saying that their Thanksgiving was first and then came back here for his obligatory photo op with two turkeys. No, he’s not posing with any of the Presidential candidates. [Washington Post]

Government scientists have come to the rock-solid conclusion that it’s totally safe to eat cloned meat and dairy products from cloned animals. This basically means that you can stumble upon the Perfect Steak and then get the ID number of the animal, probably through some DNA detector built into next year’s Blackberry models, and continue to eat that steak forever. MORE »

Some random guy in Pennsylvania decided to get rid of every single incumbent in the Pennsylvania House and Senate and actually managed to evict a total of 47 legislators through primary losses and retirements forced by voter outrage.

How did Russ Diamond pull this off? He spent less than $200 to start a web-based political action committee called PA CleanSweep and recruited 97 oddballs to run on a simple anti-incumbent platform, all because the Pennsylvania politicians had given themselves a huge pay raise atop an already huge pile of benefits.

Learn how four divorces, public drunkenness and your girlfriend’s abortion equal Political Success, after the jump.

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We usually ignore news about a “former state senator,” but when it involves a severed pig’s head and there’s a picture of said severed pig’s head …. The nobody in question is Alene Ammond, and it seems the head of a roasted pig was dumped on her lawn and she lost her mind, because it was facing the house. Talk, crazy lady, talk to the teevee person who doesn’t know how to write:

“It this just a joke? A sick joke?,” Ammond said. “And I don’t understand. Whatever it is, why me? Because the police apparently went around to see if there was vandalism, and there was nothing. It was just us — just this house.”

This happened in New Jersey, obviously. The police and the reporter are confused: “Police said they had never had a case like this before, and they were not aware of a symbolic meaning for a severed hog’s head, if one exists.” MORE »

Joining fellow ’70s nostalgia acts Neil Young, John Dean, the John Birch Society and the Berkeley City Council, former Nixon propagandist Pat Buchanan and inflatable-pig showman Roger Waters are calling for the impeachment of George W. Bush. MORE »