Tag Archives: pictures

  is our correspondents learning?

A Children’s Treasury Of Douches At CPAC, Day One

The Gaylord National Resort is more than just a hotel with a name that makes pubescent boys snicker. It’s also a glassed-in mini-city with living trees and actual birds and tiny houses that hold patriotic gear stores and, for the second year, it is the Land of CPAC. Come along and let us visit this wondrous fantasy world! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Douches At CPAC, Day One…
  eat the rich

Class War Has A Fresh New Face: Chelsea Clinton And Her $10.5 Million NYC Pad

We have spent some time during this journey through our worldly vale of tears defending the gargantuan mansions of both Albert Gore and Husband of the Millennium John Edwards. You know, stuff like, “Hey, John Edwards made those kajillions helping people get justice and also eat shit Tucker Carlson just on principle” and “Al Gore can do whatever the fuck he wants for the rest of his blessed life, because we owe him one for voting for Nader.” But Chelsea Clinton, although a lovely young woman, has yet to impress us with anything she has brought to this world. She is arguably less good at her “job” than JC Penneys Boys Department Catalogue Model Luke Russert, if also less visibly pleased with herself about her complete lack of charisma and talent. Therefore, we are not inclined to apologize for her coming purchase of a $10.5 million, 5,000-square-foot NYC pad overlooking Madison Square Park. Five and a half bathrooms, for a childless couple in their 30s, is fucking unseemly, Chelsea and whoever your husband is. Readers, let us get our knives and forks at the ready, for the ritual Eating of the Rich, after the jump! Read more on Class War Has A Fresh New Face: Chelsea Clinton And Her $10.5 Million NYC Pad…
  location location location

Marco Rubio Can’t Wait To Get Out Of Middle Class Hell-Hole

Marco Rubio talked last night, we are told (we couldn’t hear him over the yowling noises coming from his Sad Hairs), about some stuff. Like the middle class, and how he is middle class, and how he loves living among the middle class and you won’t find him leaving his beloved middle class neighborhood to hang out with the Limousine Ayerses in Hyde Park (probably). So let’s look at the $675,000 real estate listing for the middle class home Rubio is trying to sell, so he can decamp with his family to tony DC! Read more on Marco Rubio Can’t Wait To Get Out Of Middle Class Hell-Hole…
  and you go downtown

A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal

Look at this awesome guy! You would think they would have thrown him out of the polling place at Los Angeles’s Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row, for electioneering. And yet they did not! What is our world even coming to? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal…
  kids today

Uh-oh: Your Obama Vote Won’t Count If You Post It On Instagram Or Whatever

Hello, millennial children of the digital age! You probably think you’re pretty “cool” if you take a picture of yourself voting for Obama and then post it on your favorite social media networking time-wasting porn sites, so your friends can see that you’re a liberal chump like them. In this sense voting is like every other activity in your shallow, overshared life. But unlike the artfully filtered pictures of your homemade meals that you put on Instagram and all those nude selfies you stuck on MySpace in 2006 and then forgot about, those photos of your ballots are actually illegal in most states, and thus count in reverse, for Mitt Romney! Read more on Uh-oh: Your Obama Vote Won’t Count If You Post It On Instagram Or Whatever…
  stand in the place where you live

Here Is Joe Biden Standing In Line Like A Boss

See that old gray haired man with his back to us, the one who looks really old (and probably handsome, we are just guessing)? That is Joe Biden. We can tell it is Joe Biden because standing next to him is his hot piece of a wife, Dr. Jill. Do you see what they are doing? They are standing in line to exercise their constitutional right to the franchise! No clearing everybody out of line and telling them to come back when the VIPs are done voting for them! (COUGH ROMNEY COUGH.) Read more on Here Is Joe Biden Standing In Line Like A Boss…
  you can never be too bitch or too thin

It’s Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just ‘Writing’ A Fitness ‘Book’

It seems like just yesterday we were worried about Sarah Palin! The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles this week was not the GILF you’ve hatefucked in your brainpan so many times throughout the years, but instead gave us a huge anti-boner of sad. (That this led to accusations in the comments that we were “body-shaming” is too bad, since it was by far the nicest thing we’d ever written about Palin, and also since this is not Jezebel. What’s next, accusations of cisgendered heteronormative hegemony?) But it is okay, you guys! People magazine did the hard work of asking Palin, what the fuck is up with your bone-sack? And Palin replied! Read more on It’s Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just ‘Writing’ A Fitness ‘Book’…
  the call is coming from inside your butt

Exclusive! Here is Your Picture Of Kevin Yoder All Nude-Like In The Sea Of Galilee, Wait No It Isn’t

Kevin Yoder, fourth from right, naked as Yahweh made him. UPDATED Multiple people are writing in to tell Your Editrix she is the worst reporter in the world — no argument — and that our EXCLUSIVE Kevin Yoder pic is in fact of Rep. Tom Graves of Georgia. If this is true, and there will simply never be any way to tell beyond looking at the dates when Graves and Yoder and Paulsen went to Israel, then that makes the rest of this post entirely bullshit, which also means that Paulsen’s people did not lie to us, and we will not be reporting from his butt. Read more on Exclusive! Here is Your Picture Of Kevin Yoder All Nude-Like In The Sea Of Galilee, Wait No It Isn’t…
  suffer the little children

Barack Obama Adds Playing ‘Chase’ To Busy Schedule Of Basketball And Golf

Man, this guy. It is like he is just a small child, in over his head, whom America’s Greatest (Deadbeat) Dad, Joe Walsh, would like to pick up (“RESPECTFULLY”) and pat on the head and call “son,” because of how he is a child, and if there’s one thing Joe Walsh knows how to do, it is raise children, and if there is another thing Joe Walsh knows how to do, it is how to know that he, Joe Walsh, is totally smarter and more capable and competent in every way than this dumb old president of US America. What else does this self-proclaimed “president” do when he’s not being chased around the Oval Office by terrifying goblins? Read more on Barack Obama Adds Playing ‘Chase’ To Busy Schedule Of Basketball And Golf…
  flowers in our hair

A Children’s Treasury Of Rear-Entry Pictures From The Wonkette Drinky Thing In San Francisco

On the real, we had no idea — after all you San Francisco Wonkeroos whined so very soulfully about the Holocaust — worse than the Gestapo or even the IRS — of having to take a bus to our latest meetup — that the San Francisco Wonk would be such a handsome and superfun genus. Seriously, all y’all were gorgeous and superfun and nothing against LA or Detroit, but now those towns can suck it. A new bar has been set. Above is someone’s butt. As usual, we will not identify commenters (and so many lurkers) who show up in the pix, but they may do so for themselves. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Rear-Entry Pictures From The Wonkette Drinky Thing In San Francisco…
  hey hey ho ho and etc.

A Children’s Treasury Of Hot Chicago NATO Protester Communists, And Jesse Jackson

Radio commies and totes adorbs marrieds Allison Kilkenny and Jamie Kilstein of Citizen Radio are in Chicago stone cold marchin’ on the mansion of Ol’ Mayor Nine-Fingers hisself, and also taunting pigs. They are also taking pictures of NATO protesters, for your ‘batin. Like this guy! HELLO THIS GUY! More protester hotness after the jump! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Hot Chicago NATO Protester Communists, And Jesse Jackson…
  an arm and a leg

Apparently Sometimes There Are ‘Officially Sanctioned Purposes’ For Posing With Corpses

The LA Times has published a selection of photos of troops from the 82nd Airborne Division posing with limbs from Afghan bombers. But what is this weird part of the story? “It is a violation of Army standards to pose with corpses for photographs outside of officially sanctioned purposes,” said George Wright, an Army spokesman. “Such actions fall short of what we expect of our uniformed service members in deployed areas.” So what would be an “officially sanctioned” purpose? Osama pix or GTFO? Read more on Apparently Sometimes There Are ‘Officially Sanctioned Purposes’ For Posing With Corpses…
  the horror you've witnessed

Screw the Cherry Blossoms, Here’s the Pillow Fight

There were a LOT of things happening on our National Mall this weekend, most of which involved masses of people erratically circling trees or hot dog stands or monuments, pausing briefly to bump into you, and then moving on to annoy someone else. As frustrating as it was trying to beat even a moderately direct path through this nonsense, it was kind of worth it to see a bunch of weird hipsters whip out their pillows and start pummeling each other. Read more on Screw the Cherry Blossoms, Here’s the Pillow Fight…
  the horror you've witnessed

And Furries Shall Walk the Streets

In a startling case of life imitating Blingee, several characters marched straight out of Wonkette’s most recent photo contest and onto the streets of Georgetown last night. The fully furred Chewbacca and, uh, we actually aren’t sure what that other one is, explained to your intern that they were dressed up for a birthday party. Read more on And Furries Shall Walk the Streets…
  wonkette party crash

Reason.tv Shows Its Love for Free Markets and Marijuana

Reason.tv threw itself a party this weekend to watch “Bailouts, Big Spending, & Bull,” a 20/20 documentary based on Drew Carey’s video collaborations with Reason.tv — and your Wonkette was invited. It was filled with illegal drugs and piles of cash flung about with abandon, and the party was pretty fun too! Party CRASH! pictures from two of your Wonkabout slaves, after the jump. Read more on Reason.tv Shows Its Love for Free Markets and Marijuana…
  local celebrities

Harold Ickes Is Still Alive, Speaking

The last anyone heard from Harold Ickes, he was bravely casting aside logic to claim that Hillary Clinton should still win the primaries, for White America.  But unlike other washed-up politicos who spend their retirement in rural red states or simply Jail, Ickes is still toodling around Washington. We went to see him! Read more on Harold Ickes Is Still Alive, Speaking…
  spaceship lifestyles

Things Will Be Better in Future Times

Valentine’s Day can be a somber affair for some, but the kind folks responsible for Future Times at Dahlak on Saturday made it their job to equitably distribute the love to all who attended. Exciting pictorial fun, after the jump. Read more on Things Will Be Better in Future Times…
  gift ideas

Happy American Recovery and Reinvestment Act Day!

Were you unable to afford a gift for your special someone in honor of that other holiday today, Valentine’s Day? With all the new stimulus money suddenly bouncing around, the lack of funds is no longer a viable cover for forgetfulness. Luckily, DC’s street vendors are more than happy to help. You can pick up your last-minute roses, pink bears, and, um, Obama pins outside any metro stop, all day! Read more on Happy American Recovery and Reinvestment Act Day!…
  never forget

No Problem Here

The war on terror is over, and America won! Here is proof, in the form of a rusty emergency box directly outside the Longworth House Office Building on Capitol Hill. If any homeland security threats remained, this box would surely be unblemished, maybe even operational! Read more on No Problem Here…
  propaganda

New Evil Children’s Book Found On Internet, Rushed To Front Of Mockery Line

Only a couple of years after publication of the definitive closet-gay child’s escapist fantasy, Why Mommy Is a Democrat, some dingus has finally self-published the appropriate wartime response, Why Daddy Is A Republican. Because Daddy is John McCain? Oh, wrong children’s propaganda book. Read more on New Evil Children’s Book Found On Internet, Rushed To Front Of Mockery Line…