Todd Palin has quit his dog race, the Iron Dog dog race, BUT ONLY BECAUSE his partner is a failure and injured himself by racing dogs around in the snow. This will come as a great disappointment to son Trig, depicted here in a desecrating, sacrilege photoshop by mother Sarah Palin. [ADN via Rumproast]

The Virgin Palin, Our Lady of Eternal Anger, gave birth to the New Jesus at some point last year — or not, who knows, and now Andrew Sullivan just cares about Iran (which is a good thing!) so we’ll never find out the truth — and ever since it has been both a Cardinal/Venial Sin and Sharia Law that no mortal shall “desecrate” an image of the Sacred One … no one but Sarah Palin herself, because Allah both allows and encourages the use of the Holy Infant as a cheap political prop as long as such cruel hackery is performed by the Virgin Palin herself. MORE »

Jill Greenberg is that photographer who takes pictures of monkeys and crying babies all the time, which was why she seemed like a natural fit for John McCain’s Atlantic cover. But it turns out she is a big fat libtard, so she tricked John McCain into various unflattering positions during his photo shoot — including making him sit under the head of a pooping monkey. Ha ha we kid, she accomplished that feat with Photoshop, which was still not up to the task of making John McCain look like a human in his “flattering” cover photo. Anyway click here (note: banner ads above some images are for NSFW type sites) for more outtakes that are making the people who hired her for this shoot all kinds of mad. Photo via Imagebam. [New York Post]

The only man in America more vain about his hair than John Edwards is of course John McCain, who once famously snarled at his wife that it was better to have thinning hair than to parade around like a painted Whore of Babylon. Now we have possible photographic evidence that the Republican Party may be assisting crazy ol’ John McCain in his insane delusion that he still has hair. MORE »

We’ve received hundreds of photos and Photoshops in the last few days about either Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin’s spawn, or comical people in the Twin Cities for the convention. Since your male associate editor rarely wakes before noon, he misses many of these, but he’ll try to post some of the better ones here. The above graphic, for example, is probably the best of the 20-30 different Juno knock-offs (or “knock-ups,” HAHAHA WHEE) currently killing time in our inbox. MORE »

Thanks to Wonkette fine arts operative “Kevin” for sending us this sneak peek of the official new McCain-Palin poster. It is an image for the New America. Don’t hope for Change — Photoshop it.

Hey did you hear about the latest Iranian provocation staged by the GOP so Cheney and Special Nuclear Commander John McCain can nuke half the planet on November 3? Well don’t worry, because at least one of the allegedly tested missiles was crappily photoshopped by the Iranian Revolutionary WoW Photoshoppers Guild. The bogus picture was on just about every newspaper front page the other day, so now all the old people who still get the paper are jabbering about four missiles instead of three, the end. (Thanks to Wonkette operative Ura G. for the Dummies cover.)

In an Iranian Image, a Missile Too Many [NYT The Lede]

We cannot give all campaign ads precious real estate on Wonkette. No, it’s not because there is too much other news to cover — in fact there is absolutely no news, at all, ever. It’s just because we have no idea these ads are coming out. Ha! Anyway we’ve taken the last four minutes to scan over John McCain’s YouTube page for any recent comical web ads. The digging effort has been, by most standards, a modest success. The video above is brand new from today and gets you pretty excited about jobs — no small task, indeed. Two others, after the jump. MORE »

Here is yesterday’s freebie Washington Post Express, available for the taking at any flame-engulfed Metro station near you. Do you believe that Phil Mickelson could simultaneously stand in front of and behind Tiger Woods? Well, now you see how the whole Bilderberg 9/11 Bohemian Grove thing works. Thanks to Wonkette operative “Scott” for the tip. [Photoshop Disasters, Washington Post Express (PDF)]

The wizards at Popular Photography bring you a horrifying glimpse into America’s liver-spotted, wrinkled, big-eared future. View this scary scary artificially aged photo of John McCain in its full-sized glory after the jump. MORE »

Now that their “dollar” is no longer worth less than a real dollar (but they still have to pay more for our hardcover books, suckers!), the Canadians are getting uppity. The October cover of their cute “political magazine” Maclean’s portrays our President as a distinguished gay British army general Saddam Hussein. Shocking! And kinda funny! Look, they gave him a mustache! Spy probably did this already but do Canadians know what Spy is? It seems like they might not have enough bloggers. Also our northern neighbors are praying for poor Britney Spears.

How George Bush Became the New Saddam [Maclean's]

Oh, sure, we’ve had loads of fun at Larry Craig’s expense, haven’t we? But is there any indignity greater than becoming fodder for the too-much-time-on-my-hands set by being chosen as the subject of an internet Photoshop contest? The Lady Bunnyesque treatment shown here is my special favorite, but there’s sure to be a vicious caricature to suit your particular needs. {Freaking News]

What is true: The White House illegally routes the administration’s criminal e-mail through a private Internet web server in a clumsy yet still illegal attempt to keep the Crime Organization’s communications out of the public eye. MORE »