Tag Archives: photoshop

  missing inaction

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Vanishes, Supposedly Still Running For Senate

You might think that someone running against an incumbent senator would be a bit more visible, but Texas Rep. Steve Stockman, who’s running against John Cornyn, seems to have disappeared from Washington and hasn’t voted in the House since January 9. He’s missed everything since then, including a chance to vote no on the budget. Stockman has made a single campaign appearance in Texas, and also went to Egypt with some other House members; otherwise, he’s been out of sight, which is maybe a bit odd with the primary coming up on March 4. Has anyone checked the Appalachian Trail? Read more on Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Vanishes, Supposedly Still Running For Senate…
  sound and fury signifying nothing

What Is Everyone Yelling About Today? Photoshopping Lena Dunham For Vogue Of Course!

Yesterday, Jezebel offered a $10,000 bounty to anyone who would slip them the unretouched photos from Lena Dunham’s Vogue cover shoot. We immediately had to endure a spate of pieces about it ranging from the OMG Photoshop Fail variety to the obligatory feministy thinkpiece about how it was totally a lady-positive act to demand the unretouched pix make it into the wild. Read more on What Is Everyone Yelling About Today? Photoshopping Lena Dunham For Vogue Of Course!…
  the treachery of stock images

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise: George Zimmerman Stoled His Inspirational Flag ‘Painting’ From A Stock Image

Nope, it’s not Jasper Johns Day on Wonkette — that there, courtesy of an anonymous Wonkette reader, is a montage of 1) George Zimmerman’s “hand painted artwork” that is currently hovering at a high bid of $99,966.00 on the Ebay, 2) a popular “waving flag” image from the interwebs, and 3) a fancy-schmancy overlay of item 1 on item 2, which is the kind of thing that can be done by a smart reader who actually knows Photoshop. (You can tell Yr Dok Zoom didn’t do this, because it is not MS-Paint, it looks good, and there’s no pony.) So while it looks like New York Magazine broke this story before Yr Wonkette did, we would just like to point out that their lame story only has a link to the stock image, not a nifty overlay by an actual person who knows their way around the graphics, so there. Read more on Surprise, Surprise, Surprise: George Zimmerman Stoled His Inspirational Flag ‘Painting’ From A Stock Image…
  brothers in dumb

Wingnut Radio Host Bryan Fischer Still Nattering On About The Pixels, The Pixels

The American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer believes in resurrection, so on Thursday’s edition of the Bryan Fischer Balderdash Radio Hour he brought back a conspiracy theory from two years ago: the claim that Barack Obama was photoshopped into a photo of the White House Situation Room on the night he singlehandedly didn’t murder Osama Bin Laden. In a grand convergence of derp, Fischer was repeating a claim originally made in 2011 by Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet. But that’s OK — once a loony idea escapes into the wild, it lives forever. Read more on Wingnut Radio Host Bryan Fischer Still Nattering On About The Pixels, The Pixels…
  there are no wieners in this game

Here Are Your Strange Anthony Weiner Photoshop Contest Things, Congratulations, You All Lost

Hey, Wonkers, we know we said we’d be giving somebody second place in our Anthony Weiner Photoshop Extravaganza (first place went to shirtlesselfiedarth™ already, for the image we used to announce the contest), but at the very moment we were judging the entries, the Sekrit Chatcave was overwhelmed by an essay containing such epic grad-student jargon and whininess that it just put all your little dick jokes into perspective and made us realize that none of your efforts, not even SayItWithWookies’ Dali-themed Blingee above (we especially like the ’61 Chevy lowrider), could possibly add anything to The Discourse ever again — not that you are supposed to add to the discourse, because that is appropriative, and also theft. And so, the winner of our photoshop contest and all other photoshop contests forever, even at other blogs, is Jessie-Lane Metz, for her outstanding contribution to surrealism titled “Ally-phobia: On the Trayvon Martin Ruling, White Feminism, and the Worst of Best Intentions.” Yes, we recognize that technically, it is not a “photoshop” and it is not “about” Anthony Weiner, but it is far more hilarious and bizarre than any of your actual entries. Also, TRIGGER WARNING. Read more on Here Are Your Strange Anthony Weiner Photoshop Contest Things, Congratulations, You All Lost…
  he's a man who lived a life of danger

Slate Widget Claims Anthony Weiner Killed Andrew Breitbart

So we thought we’d pretty much exhausted the available fun from Slate’s amusing little “make up a Carlos Danger name for yourself” toy, which is good for literally minutes of hilarity. And then in the Sekrit Chatcave, Editrix Rolando Menace called our attention to a tip from Wonkette Operative Miguel Ángel Catastrophe, and said “Hey, Doktor Emilio Scourge, go check that out!” And check it out we did! Aaaand… it’s either a really happy accident, or somebody really wanted to remind the world that Andrew Breitbart is still dead. Read more on Slate Widget Claims Anthony Weiner Killed Andrew Breitbart…
  weni-leaks

Here Is Your Inevitable Anthony Weiner Photomagraphic Sexting Contest, America!

Well, thank you very much, disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner, and thank YOU very much, Internet. We were just getting ready to sit down and do a thoughtful, nuanced, brilliantly satirical post about that New York Times story on Goldman Sachs manipulating the aluminum market, complete with elaborate Catch-22 references because the whole rotten scheme reeks of Milo Minderbinder getting rich buying eggs for seven cents and selling them for four cents… and then you go and throw Anthony Weiner’s Sexting, Part Two (Electric Boogaloo) in our faces again and all we can think of is “Eww, get that out of our faces,” and “Haw-Haw, Goldman Sacks!” REAL MATURE, AMERICA. Read more on Here Is Your Inevitable Anthony Weiner Photomagraphic Sexting Contest, America!…
  looks like a shop to me I can tell from the pixels

Jump To Your Feet For the Winners of Our Blasphemous ‘On Our Knees For America’ Photo-Chopping Contest!

What an interactive Friday it’s been for you worthly Wokette skum! We had a real live book-writing guy drop by, and some of you actually seemed to have read a little farther than the seven chapters we made it. You also added a whole bunch of suggested (and suggestive) two-word article titles to K-Lo’s Muppet Crying Game. And when we noted that the Family Research Council’s delightful pray-for-America website seemed to have a stealth agenda, you got up off your knees and fell to the task of remixing it, for Big Larffs. And here is our winner, a fantasia on a theme by Michelangelo and several other mutants, from the incomparable Dean Booth. This is precisely the sort of thing we’d like to think the graphics team at call2fall had in mind all along. More winnahs and runners up and also-rans after the jump! We would warn that there is NSFW content ahead, but if you haven’t figured that out yet, you may actually work at the Family Research Council. Read more on Jump To Your Feet For the Winners of Our Blasphemous ‘On Our Knees For America’ Photo-Chopping Contest!…
  ambiguously gay graphics

Family Research Council’s ‘On Our Knees For America’ Campaign Almost Seems To Invite Trolling…Like Maybe A Photoshop Contest!

So what we have here is a copy of the graphics from the Family Research Council’s “Call2Fall” campaign, which is set for this Sunday, June 30. The event’s FAQ explains that it’s “nothing fancy,” merely a pledge for Christians to take time on June 30 to “call your people to get on their knees and faces before the Lord in repentant prayer for God to reshape our lives and renew our land.” Is the hip, modern “call2fall” slogan biblical? Well of COURSE it is, you silly; in fact, it “comes straight from the pages of Scripture:” If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14). See? The word “call” is in there! God sure comes up with some catchy branding! We would also like to think that He led the FRC to hire a graphics team that couldn’t resist giving trolls ideas. If that logo doesn’t just scream “Wonkette Photoshop Contest,” we don’t know what does! (It probably also screams “NSFW,” too, depending on your workplace’s opinion of ambiguously posed cartoon people). Read more on Family Research Council’s ‘On Our Knees For America’ Campaign Almost Seems To Invite Trolling…Like Maybe A Photoshop Contest!…
  Jesus Built My Hotrod Of Correction

Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)

After we received a delightful phoney-baloney legal threat from Expert Showman Bradlee Dean’s assistant lickspittle, just because we supposably “defamed” Dean by directly quoting him, we asked you, the Wonkettariat, to show us your fauxto chops and serve us up some manipulated images, for Comedy! We also asked you to prepare us some lawyerly replies to the underling’s Nastygram. And did you ever come through! Our winning entry, above, is by “Muhammed_PBUH,” who will receive a brand-new Wonkette “Rod of Correction” Edition M1A Abrams Main Battle Tank, perfect for home or office use. More exciting Pix ‘n’ Letters after the jump! Read more on Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)…
  bloated sacks of shit

Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!

Hey, remember today? When we got that hilares letter informing us that we better, like, say sorry or something, and DEFINITELY take down all that libel-y stuff about one Mr. Herr Doktor Bradlee Dean? Well, some of you asked for a Photoshop contest, but we will do you one better! Since so many Wonkerados are attorneys (in addition to like two thirds of our writing staff), we thought we would let you have some Sexy Lawyer Funtime too! Read more on Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!…
  son of man

Hooray You Are All Wonkette Contest Winners

Who are the smartest, prettiest, nicest, least sexual-harrassy, best commenters in the whole wide Internet? Wonkers, that is who! And it is lucky that we did not announce our winners in the Official George W. Bush White House Portrait MSPaint Contest before today, because your Editrix woke up late after an all night Sudoku binge and has been unable to find anything funny to type about in the entire universe. Oh, Elizabeth Warren won the Senate primary in Massachusetts! That is wonderful, but it would only be “funny” if we loved making Pocahontas jokes. (Hahaha, a lady thinks she is part-Indian, what a maroon!) Also, oh some Mormons marched in Salt Lake City’s gay pride parade! That is so nice, yay them! (Not funny.) Sooooo here are your wieners, is what we are saying. Read more on Hooray You Are All Wonkette Contest Winners…
  flotus files

America Reacts to New McDonald’s Happy Meals on Photoshop

It appears that this country might actually continue to exist for a little while, so our FLOTUS Michelle Obama will probably come out of hiding now, to politely suggest that everyone wipe their tears, put down the anusburgers and jump on a treadmill. Of course, America never likes these sort of suggestions from the First Lady, and she knows it. Last week, she sort of acknowledged McDonald’s for deciding to reduce the calories of its Happy Meals, and some people lost their cool. Fox News must either order a lot of these Happy Meals or really hate apples (probably both, because apples are elitist), because the Crazy really kicked into high gear. Deranged photo contests ensued. Read more on America Reacts to New McDonald’s Happy Meals on Photoshop…
  lolsama bin lolden

White House Not Releasing Osama Photos Because Internet Will Make Funny ‘Shops

Gates said his concerns about releasing the bin Laden photos were dramatized by Photoshopping of an official White House picture taken of Obama’s national security team while they were monitoring a live video feed of the operation in which Navy SEALs ultimately killed bin Laden. Read more on White House Not Releasing Osama Photos Because Internet Will Make Funny ‘Shops…