The elitist assessment of that terrible debate last night is pretty much, Oh my god, they let that be broadcast on the teevee?” So, obviously, it is the debate “Regular Americans” loved most, because ABC just announced that no primary debate has ever had so big an audience. Take that, Lincoln-Douglas Debate! Suck it, Kennedy-Nixon Debate! MORE »

Yowza yowza yowza, the Spin Room at the National Constitution Center has been conquered by Mr. Spin himself, Howard Wolfson, the Clinton campaign’s communications director and new Chief Strategist! He sure looks like he wants to hit some fella. Maybe the douchebag blogger pointing the camera in his face for like 20 seconds? (Can’t this guy shave?)

Whatever. A multitude of old slaveowners cast in bronze discussing America, after the jump. MORE »

Wowsers, ABC is giving CNN a run for its money in hosting the worst faux-legitimate debate (part 1) this season. But we have yet to hear whether Obama sheds ONE tear or SEVERAL tears when he sees an American Bald Eagle. Does the Bald Eagle love America as much as he does? George & Chuckie will be sure to ask. MORE »

Hey look everybody, it’s your favorite pals from the Main Stream Media, in Philadelphia. We are here to liveblog Barack and Hillary’s latest friendly debate from the National Constitution Center, where the Constitution was whittled from a single block of wood. It’s true! Ask Ben Franklin, he’s EVERYWHERE in this city. Anyway, what do Barack and Hillary have to say that anyone will care about? Only THE ISSUES! Now let’s grab a bottled water and wave girlishly at Mickey Kaus and liveblog this number. MORE »

Greetings from your editor’s spacious couch! We forego a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go to the Pennsyltucky Massacre/Debate in order to bring you this important commentary from beloved cultural icons Chris Matthews, Pat Buchanan, and the guy from Massachusetts. What crazy accidental truths will this bitter old white Catholics utter in between non sequitors? Join us and find out! MORE »

PHILLY LIVEBLOGGING ALERT: Your Wonkette should be in Philadelphia by now, if the poor-people bus didn’t crash, in a bus plunge. Wonkette Team Liveblogging starts shortly! Stop at the liquor/religion store on the way home and load up on bitter booze and bitter guns! [WP The Fix]

Your Wonkette is about to drive to Filthadelphia, the Illadelph, or as some call it, Philadelphia. Barack Obama and his blood rival Hillary Clinton will be debating there later tonight at the National Constitution Center, and we will liveblog it from America’s Constitution Press Filing Room. Will there be pretty pictures of sweaty reporters and Ben Franklin? Yes We Can! The debate kicks off at 8 p.m., but the Eagles pre-game show will last all afternoon.

John McCain has never met a black person in his life. If he appears in a picture with black people, they have been Photoshopped in by his fawning chums in the Main Stream Media. That is why he said recently during an interview with black media personality Tavis Smiley — on the invisible radio — that he wants to meet some of Them. Specifically, “I know that I’m not going to get a majority of the African-American vote. But I’m going to campaign all over this country. I’m going to go to South Philadelphia, I’m going to go to the Black Belt in Alabama…” As the Philadelphia Daily News points out, however, South Philadelphia only has like two black people, and the rest are papists who sell cheese steaks. WALNUTS! has failed yet again. [PDN]

Ha ha ha, zing times a billion! The Philly gay community and its pwecious newspaper gave Barack Obama a hilarious snub this morning after he declined to sit down for an interview. Look at all that blank space, a symbol of Obama’s virulent homophobia! What is wrong with him? Well Philadelphia magazine interviewed Philadelphia Gay News publisher Mark Segal today to discuss the major front page rejection of Obama, and he said Obama hasn’t talked to the gay press since 2004 — a record among humans! MORE »

Apparently there are these “eBay guys” on the campaign trail, at all times, going around hounding the candidates for photographs and other such memorabilia that they can sell to professional masturbators online. Obama ran into one today in Philadelphia and refused a photograph several times. Finally Obama relented, saying: “Yea well whatever. Just take it. I won’t be smiling. Because you’re wearing me out. ….No no, you’ve been really rude about it. Just take a shot.” How will Obama ever get the “white lower class Internet-paparazzi heckler” vote back after this little charade? Full video, after the jump. MORE »

Remember the last time we had the last debate, in Ohio? That was obviously never the last debate of anything. Hillary and Barack have both agreed to an April 16 debate in Philadelphia, and Barack has proposed another one for April 19 in North Carolina. This will be the last debate again, until they have a Knife Fight Debate on the stage of the Democratic National Convention, moderated by Wolf Blitzer, to determine the winner of a magical twice-baked potato. [TPM Election Central]