Wonkette

Rowr! That’s the bottom half of Friday’s Philadelphia Gay News, the catty publication that once devoted half of its front page to a blank column symbolizing Obama’s fake-love of whiteness, or hatred of the Gays, or something. Obama has gone 1,500+ (million!) days without talking to this gay newspaper and that’s why he has syphilis, the end. [Philadelphia Gay News via Philadelphia Will Do]

Chelsea was doing a gay bar crawl in Philadelphia on Friday night and while she was walking around some lady said “I grabbed her ass,” and David Shuster wept because this was proof positive that the Clintons were pimping their daughter out. MORE »

Barack Obama dismisses the trashy debate last night and then … does he give Hillary Clinton a subtle middle finger? No, sadly — it’s two fingers, and he appears to have an itch on his face or whatever. But it is an important clue into how crazy everyone is going that this video from a local teevee staion in North Carolina is suddenly being sent out by the anti-Obama Internets. ALSO: Funny extended version of this video, in the comments. [YouTube]

Red alert! It appears Kos and his liberal netroots have breached the inner circle of ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos and killed him to death. He is a Greek “white ethnic” so that is a Hate Crime. George Stephanopoulos was 16 years old. [YouTube]

The elitist assessment of that terrible debate last night is pretty much, Oh my god, they let that be broadcast on the teevee?” So, obviously, it is the debate “Regular Americans” loved most, because ABC just announced that no primary debate has ever had so big an audience. Take that, Lincoln-Douglas Debate! Suck it, Kennedy-Nixon Debate! MORE »

Yowza yowza yowza, the Spin Room at the National Constitution Center has been conquered by Mr. Spin himself, Howard Wolfson, the Clinton campaign’s communications director and new Chief Strategist! He sure looks like he wants to hit some fella. Maybe the douchebag blogger pointing the camera in his face for like 20 seconds? (Can’t this guy shave?)

Whatever. A multitude of old slaveowners cast in bronze discussing America, after the jump. MORE »

Wowsers, ABC is giving CNN a run for its money in hosting the worst faux-legitimate debate (part 1) this season. But we have yet to hear whether Obama sheds ONE tear or SEVERAL tears when he sees an American Bald Eagle. Does the Bald Eagle love America as much as he does? George & Chuckie will be sure to ask. MORE »

Hey look everybody, it’s your favorite pals from the Main Stream Media, in Philadelphia. We are here to liveblog Barack and Hillary’s latest friendly debate from the National Constitution Center, where the Constitution was whittled from a single block of wood. It’s true! Ask Ben Franklin, he’s EVERYWHERE in this city. Anyway, what do Barack and Hillary have to say that anyone will care about? Only THE ISSUES! Now let’s grab a bottled water and wave girlishly at Mickey Kaus and liveblog this number. MORE »

Greetings from your editor’s spacious couch! We forego a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go to the Pennsyltucky Massacre/Debate in order to bring you this important commentary from beloved cultural icons Chris Matthews, Pat Buchanan, and the guy from Massachusetts. What crazy accidental truths will this bitter old white Catholics utter in between non sequitors? Join us and find out! MORE »

PHILLY LIVEBLOGGING ALERT: Your Wonkette should be in Philadelphia by now, if the poor-people bus didn’t crash, in a bus plunge. Wonkette Team Liveblogging starts shortly! Stop at the liquor/religion store on the way home and load up on bitter booze and bitter guns! [WP The Fix]