Tag Archives: philadelphia

  fight for your right to party!

Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)

Remember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where the bonus Drinky Thing would be! Read more on Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)…
  nutter for president

Philadelphia Mayor Tells Citizens to Stop Being ‘Idiots and A**holes’

Mayor Michael Nutter, Democrat of Philadelphia, likes to swear, but he only really swears about people who deserve it, nor does he ever apologize for his remarks, and he is therefore kind of great and should run for president. In his latest viral video attempt, Nutter made some remarks about a Tuesday shooting that killed three teens, uttering a basic truth about people who shoot people: they are “idiots and assholes.” Video evidence forthwith. Read more on Philadelphia Mayor Tells Citizens to Stop Being ‘Idiots and A**holes’…
  the chuck norris op-ed lever

Chuck Norris: Atheist National Park Service Sullying Founding Fathers

Chuck Norris has a personal pastor for all of his various organization, because, well, karate needs pastors, of course. But when that pastor visited Independence Hall in Philadelphia to learn about the religion of our nation’s founding fathers, he instead was led on a tour by a guide who, rudely, only talked about the Constitution and forming a republic and the Liberty Bell and such. But doesn’t the National Park Service, which oversees the historic site, know that Christianity is the most important aspect of everything that is good in the world, such as white men like the founding fathers? Sounds like those pine-tree jockeys need some sense uppercutted into them. Read more on Chuck Norris: Atheist National Park Service Sullying Founding Fathers…
  good deals

Naked Guy Promises To Share His Streaking Prize With Obama

Barack Obama had a party in Philadelphia yesterday for Christoper Columbus, the ancient sailor who accidentally stumbled across North America and then very purposefully slaughtered everyone and took their Goldline treasure. And things got a little out of hand! First of all, someone threw a book at Obama? Rude. But more importantly: A man from Staten Island named Juan J. Rodriguez got in his birthday suit, shouted Obama’s name a few times and then waved to the President, with his junk. Juan J. Rodriguez did this for a large cash prize; he was not trying to be a malicious naked person. On the contrary, Mr. Rodriguez thinks Obama is great (you think Juan would get nekkid for someone he dislikes?). Juan is even willing to donate some of his winnings to the charity of Obama’s choosing, which of course will be Hamas or maybe Center for Death to America. Read more on Naked Guy Promises To Share His Streaking Prize With Obama…
  railway fetishists

Barack Obama Loves Trains SO MUCH

The fiendishly clever President-elect will be taking a train to Washington the week before his inauguration because he caught a whiff of the shit-storm that greets any well-known figure who dares to ride an airplane into our nation’s capital. Barry said, “No thanks, I will just kick it on the train with my good friend the Amtrak whore Joe Biden,” and VOILA, our nation’s railways were saved forever from bankruptcy and neglect. Read more on Barack Obama Loves Trains SO MUCH…
  important television coverage

A Children’s Treasury Of Today’s Hilarious Fox News Clips

Beloved teevee channel Fox News is focused as shit today on race-baiting, terrorism, and pissing off left-wing blogs. It is a marvel. So we’ve compiled some of the morning’s most comical highlights here for your viewing pleasure. The best one is above, in which lobotomized Fox & Friends clown Steve Doocy sees some random black guy walk into a polling station and immediately assumes that this is Obama. Oh boy. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Today’s Hilarious Fox News Clips…
  trickery

Vote McCain/Palin, Win Baseball Championships All Over Again!

Here’s a poster spotted in Philadelphia which claims to have been paid for by the “Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania Victory 2008″ (full size.) These folks at RFCPV2K8 (MEMORIZE IT — QUIZ LATER) are masters of subliminal messaging. “Oh, that’s right, my favorite baseball team won the big game, and this gave me pleasure,” the average voter will say upon encountering this placard. “I will now vote for these two nuts whose names are on the sign next to that of my favorite baseball team.” [Philadelphia Will Do] Read more on Vote McCain/Palin, Win Baseball Championships All Over Again!…
  machine politics

Philly Election Official: Everyone Quit Whining About Voting Problems

Fred Voight, the adorably rosy-cheeked Deputy Election Commissioner of Philadelphia, says that antsy-pantsy voters need to just “get a life” and wait in the rain for hours and hours to vote on a single not-broken machine on election day. And then he’s all, “do not get your knickers in a twist, Philadelphia’s 5-to-1 Democratic, so we know how this election will go anyway.” He is the most refreshingly candid public official since Joe Biden. [American News Project] Read more on Philly Election Official: Everyone Quit Whining About Voting Problems…
  oh imagine that

Philadelphia Hockey Fans Wildly Boo Sarah Palin

Hey McCain-Palin campaign: not to say “we told you so,” but in fact to say “HA HA TROLLOPS, we told you so,” Sarah Palin was not received well by Philadelphia hockey fans tonight when she dropped the ceremonial first puck at the Flyers’ season opener. Liberal gotcha journal the New York Times describes the chorus of boos as “resounding (almost deafening).” This video is staggering. We’re fairly certain that the arena music is turned up louder in a vain attempt to drown out the SONIC WALL of booing. [YouTube] Read more on Philadelphia Hockey Fans Wildly Boo Sarah Palin…
  whatever works

Sarah Palin To Drop Puck At Hockey Game Alongside Other Hockey Mom, Okay

On October 11 we’ll get a preview of Sarah Palin’s future career: a former insta-celebrity akin to a reality show star who flies around the country to show her face at sports games and clubs and say funny slogans like “Dontchaknow?” for five minutes to a bunch of drunks. Her rate will be $200 in scratch-off tickets, a Bud Lite-sponsored dildo and two baskets of fried shit for supper. This is her future, and it all kicks off October 11 when she drops the hockey puck at a Philadelphia Flyers game alongside some hockey mom contest winner. She has no idea what she’s getting into. Read more on Sarah Palin To Drop Puck At Hockey Game Alongside Other Hockey Mom, Okay…
  seducing the white ethnic

Joe Biden Rape-Kisses Some Racist Old Lady

Joe Biden has one job this election: to get the Bitters in Pennsylvania to vote for a black Muslim. That is literally all he has to do. Maybe Ohio, too, but mostly Pennsylvania, because he was of course born there! In Scranton, the famous town where Happiness goes to die. On Friday, he went to Northeast Philadelphia — “The Scranton of Philadelphia” — to meet some old white folks and tell ’em about Barry. He even kissed some old gal on the forehead, but she was disgusted, because there’s a huge stumbling block among these “white ethnics” Joe Biden is targeting: they really, really hate black people. Read more on Joe Biden Rape-Kisses Some Racist Old Lady…
 

Weird Scenes From Hillary’s Philadelphia Lair

No. No. 10 points? That is like a million points in the sense that HILLARY WILL KEEP RUNNING rather than letter us all take VACATIONS on BEACHES away from THIS. Blah blah blah, Hopey done blown it, more pictures below from Satan’s lair. Read more on Weird Scenes From Hillary’s Philadelphia Lair…