Tag: philadelphia

DNC Dance Parties Are Way Sexxxier Than RNC Dance Parties, SCIENCE FACT

Sounds like he needs to SPLAIN some things to his campaign.

If It’s Bernie Or Bust, And It Won’t Be Bernie, What Does That Leave?

The BOO-erners were much more scarce on Night Two of the convention, just as we predicted!

Your Hero Nancy Pelosi Is Tiny And Exquisite, Just Like You Always Imagined

Ooh, look, more fancy pictures of fancy people!

Are You Saying Boo, Or Boo-nie Sanders?

There were a lot of boo-birds at the first night of the DNC. Or were there that many, really?

God Expresses Displeasure With DNC By Drenching Philly With Completely Unreasonable Monsoon

But then we ate some fancy food and beer and watched Michelle Obama slay, so everything is OK now.

Oh Hey Philadelphia, Wonkette Is Inside You, Like A Romance Lover

Both screencaps are from teevee shows starting with 'State of...' Isn't that something?

Let’s Kick Debbie Wasserman Schultz Around One More Time, For Old Time’s Sake

Just in time for the Democratic National Convention, Debbie-Wasserman Schultz has fired herself. Bloody well about time.
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

Hillary Clinton Not All That Impressed With Donald Trump’s RNC Speech, How Odd

With bonus Tweets from Bernie Sanders and greatest congressional Tweeterer ever, John Dingell!

Driving Out Of Cleveland With A Bullet In My Bumper: Wonkette’s RNC Reflections

No for real that happened, CLICK TO LEARN THE STORY.

Hillary Clinton History Woman Preznit US America, Bernie Sanders GRRRR ARGH

If he were Hillary, we would wonder if he were on the rag.

CNN Steps On Own Dick, Wonders If Prince’s Death Is Good News For Trump And Hillary

Know what's been nice? Since Prince's untimely passing on Thursday, people really haven't said hardly anything shitty about it. Cities large and small have gone purple, the cast of Broadway's The Color Purple sang the tribute to end all tributes, and...

Loser Felon Dinesh D’Souza Will Destroy Hillary Just Like He Destroyed Obama

Oh ho ho and SHOTS FIRED! and you better be scurred, Hit-lery Benghazi Vince Foster Clinton, because convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza is out of the pokey and he's comin' for you! If you've been playing hooky from Real American History...
And remember, sweetie, the termites go in after we bake it.

You Know Who Had It Pretty Good? George Washington’s Slaves

For inclusion in your "How did anyone think THAT was a good idea?" files (Martin Luther King Holiday edition): Scholastic Books has recalled a children's book depicting happy slaves joyfully preparing a cake for their owner's birthday. Apparently some...
The rapper at rest

Ben Carson Hip Hip Hops And He Don’t Stop

It seems gravy shart Jonah Goldberg's Theory Of Ben Carson's Blackness has been proven wise beyond its author's wildest imagination! Yes, Ben Carson -- who according to hip-hop expert Goldberg is so much blacker than Barack Obama he cannot EVEN...
Hunka Hunka Burnin' Planet

World’s Going To End Wednesday. Wear Something Nice!

You may have been pretty relieved when we dodged the Mormon Apocalypse last week, what with the supermoon lunar eclipse not ushering in any Utah-destroying earthquakes or United Nations invasions. Well, wouldn't you know it, another, completely different bunch of...
This is Danica Dillon. She is helping take down the disgusting Duggar family. She is also a porn star.

Josh Duggar In Sex Rehab Again, Because Check Out What He Did To This Porn Star

Wonkers, please introduce yourselves to porn star lady Danica Dillon. "Hi, Danica!" says the Wonkers. What kind of gross stuff does our new friend Danica have to tell us about Josh Duggar and the stuff he does with his penis? Oh,...