December 11, 2013
Big news, everyone! American political diversity expanded considerably with Tuesday’s elections. In Ulysses, New York, voters elected to their town board actor J.G. Hertzler, a human who is best know to fans of the Star Tracks: Deep Space Nine television program as “Chancellor Martok.” Martok, of course, helped lead Klingon forces in the Dominion War [...]
What up Philadelphia? Just all being the City of Brotherly Love, right? And what is more brotherly or loverly than Philadelphia cops busting into an abandoned house on a drug raid only to find some dude and his chick, high on speedballs and love, about to have sex? What to do? Well, if you are [...]
Sometimes when we open up the ol’ comment queue, that limbo where new would-be Wonketteers must first prove they are neither spam nor complete teabagging idiots, we feel like the Medieval Marxist’s wife: “Oooh, Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down ‘ere!” And so it was with two messages from “JustinHuman,” who just wanted us to [...]
Before you read this story, you may want to make sure you secure any heavy objects nearby, so that you won’t hurl them through your computer monitor. From the Philadelphia City Paper, just one more example of what happens when you make government small enough to drown in a bathtub: Children will die. Sixth-grader Laporshia [...]
Here is a videotape of a (now former!) Philadephia police officer, Jonathan Josey, punching Aida Guzman after that city’s Puerto Rican Day Parade on September 30, 2012. Guzman was part of an unruly crowd that had gathered following the parade, but the videotape does not show her doing anything to Josey, who believed she had [...]
In fifty-nine Philadelphia voting divisions, Mitt Romney received zero votes. Fifty-nine. Zero. Italics. Fox Nation posts this Philadelphia Inquirer article, leaving their commentariat to worry that maybe Obama totally vote-frauded the city, and Romney would have won if not for Obama’s grand scheme to totally eliminate Republicans from 3.5% of the total precincts in Philadelphia, a [...]
View more videos at: http://nbcphiladelphia.com. Think spraying Silly String is a victimless crime? WRONG. First, it is environmentally terrible. Second, well there is no second. It is sort of victimless, now that we think about it. Unless you are at Philly’s Puerto Rican Day Parade, in which case you will cold get chased down and [...]
Oyez oyez, it is now time to commemorate the Great Wonkette Liberal Thing War. We arrived at Drinking Liberally, Philly City Center chapter, and proceeded to rumble/dance-fight with their big bear of a host. Obviously, and all the duhs, we won.
Soon we shall be winging our way from our nation’s capitol to the City of Brotherly Love and marching on their Drinking Liberally party like it is Poland. Important details where it says “read more”!
Remember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where [...]
Have you been so, so angry that the Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup World Tour has not yet made its way to you? WE KNOW! JESUS! Well, with the coming conventions, we’re pleased to announce a lineup of tour dates for you Right Coasters.
Mayor Michael Nutter, Democrat of Philadelphia, likes to swear, but he only really swears about people who deserve it, nor does he ever apologize for his remarks, and he is therefore kind of great and should run for president. In his latest viral video attempt, Nutter made some remarks about a Tuesday shooting that killed [...]
Chuck Norris has a personal pastor for all of his various organization, because, well, karate needs pastors, of course. But when that pastor visited Independence Hall in Philadelphia to learn about the religion of our nation’s founding fathers, he instead was led on a tour by a guide who, rudely, only talked about the Constitution [...]
Barack Obama had a party in Philadelphia yesterday for Christoper Columbus, the ancient sailor who accidentally stumbled across North America and then very purposefully slaughtered everyone and took their Goldline treasure. And things got a little out of hand! First of all, someone threw a book at Obama? Rude. But more importantly: A man from [...]
It’s your lucky day! Much better than the “buy one, get one free” commemoration up in Boston. [Twitter]