Tag Archives: petition

  Outrage Fatigue

One Million Moms Can’t Compete With Badass ‘Lucifer,’ Want Teevee Show Canceled

ooh, red eyes!!
The three or four moms behind the American Family Association’s “One Million Moms” are very unhappy indeed about this upcoming Fox TV show called Lucifer, whose hook is that the Prince of Darkness gets bored with ruling Hell, quits his job, and moves to Los Angeles, which presumably has more variety. Based on the DC comic that spun off from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series, the show looks like it might not stink, but The Moms have launched a petition drive to gather names for future AFA fundraising efforts, and, oh, yes, to convince Fox to drop a major series from its fall schedule. Read more on One Million Moms Can’t Compete With Badass ‘Lucifer,’ Want Teevee Show Canceled…
  Choose Your Own A-Gender

Family Research Council Will Fix Constitutional Flaw That Allows Trans Americans Too Much Freedom

Yep, conspiracy to commit murder is right in there!
Could it be that the Religious Right — or at least some parts of it — has finally recognized that trying to reverse decades of civil rights progress by gay people is a lost cause? This might explain why it feels like they’re starting to freak out a lot more often about the threat to the Homeland posed by trans* people using whatever restroom they want. Or, also an optimistic view, they’re freaking out more because the culture as a whole is becoming incrementally friendlier to trans* folks? Read more on Family Research Council Will Fix Constitutional Flaw That Allows Trans Americans Too Much Freedom…
  call to action for worthly wokette skum

All Y’all Need To Sign This Petition To Make George W. Bush Ambassador To The Iraq Such As

Nobody was all that surprised when the White House’s petition site got turned into a vehicle for silliness, like the petition calling on the U.S. Government to build its very own Death Star, or to deport Piers Morgan for not loving guns the way a real American should. And then there’s the stupid ones, like the suggestion that we name sportsball goalkeeper Tim Howard as “secretary of DEFENSE,” haw-haw. But we’re pretty sure that Wonkers can all get behind this excellent suggestion: Appoint George W. Bush the next ambassador to Iraq. Read more on All Y’all Need To Sign This Petition To Make George W. Bush Ambassador To The Iraq Such As…
  how is she oppressing the children now?

Monstrous FLOTUS Will Stomp All Over Kansas High School Grads’ Special Day By Speaking At High School Graduation

So what horrible Marie Antoinette-style outrage is Michelle Obama perpetrating upon the good people of U.S. America this week? Maybe she ate food? Or suggested that children get some exercise? Even worse: She “accepted an invitation” to speak at commencement for the combined graduating classes of high schools in Topeka, Kansas (translation: “imposed herself on the event, because Michelle Obama just goes wherever she wants regardless of whether people want her — and they don’t.”) Happily, Rick Moran at “American Thinker” (yes, commenters, it is a target-rich environment — go for it) has sniffed out an AP story about some precious snowflake who’s worried that the combined ceremony will not have enough seating for everyone’s family and friends, and is so unfair: A furor over what the Topeka school district considers an honor has erupted after plans were announced for Obama to address a combined graduation ceremony for five area high schools next month an 8,000-seat arena. For some, it was the prospect of a tight limit on the number of seats allotted to each graduate. For others, it was the notion that Obama’s speech, tied to the 60th anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in Brown v. Board of Education outlawing segregation in schools, would overshadow the student’s big day. Doesn’t Michelle Obama understand that high school graduates would rather be addressed by the county zoning commissioner than the First Lady of the United States, just as long as nobody has to sit in an overflow auditorium to watch on video? Read more on Monstrous FLOTUS Will Stomp All Over Kansas High School Grads’ Special Day By Speaking At High School Graduation…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape the dumbest possible news leftovers off our overheated browser tabs, blend them into an almost-digestible slurry, and serve them up to you with a muffin and a warning to imbibe heavily. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness…
  all the Pretty Princesses

Here Are Some Additional Disney Princesses For Fox News To Worry About

It’s awfully nice of Fox News to take a break from bashing the socialist tyranny of Michelle Obama’s insistence that children try eating the occasional carrot and getting some exercise, so that Fox News can worry that a petition urging Disney to create a plus-sized princess will encourage girls to become obese and get diabetes. That’s just the kind of Deep Thinking About Issues that we’ve come to know and love from Fox. Read more on Here Are Some Additional Disney Princesses For Fox News To Worry About…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Wellesley Women Don’t Know Much About Art But They Know What They Don’t Like

Wellesley womyn, we applaud you. You saw an injustice, and you demanded change. Oh, wait, no. You saw a piece of art, “The Sleepwalker” by Tony Matelli, and said it was offensive and scared you and triggered you and made you feel “unsafe,” and demanded it be removed because BAD ART! BAD! “[T]his highly lifelike sculpture has, within just a few hours of its outdoor installation, become a source of apprehension, fear, and triggering thoughts regarding sexual assault for many members of our campus community,” says the petition, which was penned by student Lauren Walsh. “While it may appear humorous, or thought-provoking to some, it has already become a source of undue stress for many Wellesley College students, the majority of whom live, study, and work in this space.” Read more on Wellesley Women Don’t Know Much About Art But They Know What They Don’t Like…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy

Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy…
  rocket man

Astro Nice Time: Kid Gives His Piggy Bank To NASA, Gets Call From Real Space Man For Reals

We always feel a little guilty when we dress up a “not as horrible as it coulda been” story as a Nice Time story, and this has been a week where too many stories needed Remedial Kittens, so it is with some pleasure that we bring you this almost-unblemished story of Pure Nice: Connor Johnson, this niftadorable 6-year-old from Denver, has been nuts about the idea of going to space since he was three — the astronaut jammies, LEGO space shuttles, the usual stuff. SPACE! But then he recently learned that instead of expanding space exploration, the U.S.A. is talking about budget cuts and just not bothering. Connor decided that this state of affairs simply would not do, so he started an online petition to save NASA and sent the beleaguered agency his life’s savings of $10.41. This got Media Attention. And so on Wednesday, Connor Johnson got a phone call from retired astronaut Gene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon. (Pardon us; there seems to be some lunar dust in our eye here…) But that’s not all: just to add a little booster rocket of “awwwwww,” Cernan called Connor on “the exact day that I stepped on the moon many, many years ago” (that would be 41 years ago). Read more on Astro Nice Time: Kid Gives His Piggy Bank To NASA, Gets Call From Real Space Man For Reals…
  love it or leave it

Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash

Lots of red-blooded US Merkins love America so much they want to LEAVE IT (because Kenyan Mooslim Sharia Oppression and such). But one such patriot is a little more interesting! Sup, guy who started Alabama’s secession petition Derrick Belcher, 45, of “Chuncula”? “Blah blah libertarianism, RON PAUL!!!1!, freedom, not-racist, hard-working, etc.” Oh yes, here it is: “It’s economics -– just that simple,” he said. “I’m working poor. And I work -– I’ve never taken a dime from the government. I’ll starve before I take a handout. That’s what being a true American is all about.” Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001. “The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said. Read more on Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash…