Tag Archives: pete souza

  Jamaican everybody gay!

Obama Shoots Giant Rainbow Out Of His Hand, Instantly Turns All Jamaicans Gay

Abracadabra, ur all gay now LOL.
President Obama visited Jamaica this week, the first time a president has done that in over 30 years. Upon his departure, he turned around to shoot a beautiful, giant rainbow at the island nation, right out of his hand, proving definitively that he has some special tricks up his gay wizard sleeve! This act was caught on camera by White House photographer Pete Souza, so we guess Obama is okay with his magical powers not being a secret anymore. How will Hillary Clinton top THAT, when she is president? Read more on Obama Shoots Giant Rainbow Out Of His Hand, Instantly Turns All Jamaicans Gay…
  Pretty Princess Or Petty Tyrant?

Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America

So arrogant!
In case you have any doubts that Barack Obama believes himself to be not merely an employee of the People of the United States, but rather an emperor or a czar or a pretty pony princess, look no further than this June 2014 photo of him succumbing to the temptation to wear a crown. Politico attempts to spin it as a cute end-of-year story in which the would-be monarch is merely goofing around with some girl scouts: Read more on Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America…
  President Typhoid Mary

President’s Last Liberal Supporters Flee After He Reaches Over Chipotle Tuberculosis Guard

Some time ago, Melissa Harris-Perry was pretty mad at all the white liberals for racistly abandoning President Obama, with racism, probably because she forgot we all did the same thing to Bill Clinton. (Don’t act like you didn’t vote for Nader, wonker; we see and know all.) Well, the white libs might not have abandoned Obama before (except the Millennials, who are gonna have a Rand Paul-flavored “Reagan Youth” moment of libertarianism, or we will eat our words, which taste of the very finest bile). Or they might have, if you believe Gallup, OUCH. But now? Now? Now that Obama REACHED OVER THE SNEEZE GUARD at Chipotle, like rules and common decency and typhoid don’t apply to him? Yeah, now the white libs are pissed. You don’t fuck with their middle-manager corporate-drone lunchbreak premium fast food, NOBAMA. Have some GODDAMN RESPECT. Read more on President’s Last Liberal Supporters Flee After He Reaches Over Chipotle Tuberculosis Guard…
  clickbait

The Year In Rightwing Media, Simplified

Time’s Zeke Miller tweetered this adorbs little photo from June as part of a year-end skim of the White House Flickr stream. Photographer Pete Souza’s note: “The President called me over to pose for a photo with a young boy who had fallen asleep during the Father’s Day ice cream social in the State Dining Room of the White House.” So it’s not hard to imagine how this pic might hit the world of rightwing media. Twitchy: “SNAP! Obama caught shaming small child forced to attend White House propaganda event” Gateway Pundit: “Typical: Obama inserts himself into other people’s Fathers’ Day celebration” Read more on The Year In Rightwing Media, Simplified…
  you downplay just ONE genocide...

Helen Thomas Meets Deadline

Your Wonkette comes bearing sad news: Helen Thomas, “White House Crone,” died today at age 92 after a long and eventful tour through the halls of the White House. Younger Wonketeers may only know her from that 2010 video where she made anti-Semitic comments , but she was also the first woman assigned to a full time position as a White House reporter and, over the course of a half century, reported on every U.S. president from John Kennedy to Barack Obama. She was the only reporter to accompany Nixon to China. She asked hard questions that made G.W. appear almost — not quite, but almost — sympathetic in his bumbling idiocy, and — unlike many contemporary journalists (YOU KNOW WHO WE MEAN) could be combative and hostile to press secretaries and the presidents they worked for. For example, she practically called Dana Perino a warmongering hussy, right to her face, and asked Obama why the hell we were still in Afghanistan given the corruption of the Karzai regime, its inhospitable terrain, and the mounting death toll. And — in addition to doing all that — she stalked Stephen Colbert, which we present to you in her honor: Read more on Helen Thomas Meets Deadline…
  global nice time

Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff

With so much Nice TimeTM happening in the U.S. recently (Texas badass womyns & mandatory gay marriages) we thought this would be a good time to talk about some Global Nice Time. As President Obama travels to Africa to retrieve his actual birth certificate, there is good news coming from several African countries: Seven countries in sub-Saharan Africa, the world’s worst-hit region in the global AIDS epidemic, have cut the number of new HIV infections in children by 50 percent since 2009, the United Nations AIDS programme said on Tuesday. The dramatic reductions – in Botswana, Ethiopia, Ghana, Malawi, Namibia, South Africa and Zambia – mean tens of thousands more babies are now being born free of HIV, UNAIDS said in a report on its Global Plan to tackle the disease in around 20 of the worst affected countries. Holy shit – 50% reductions in 4 years is REALLY good, people. As the Our Glorious Leader and North Star of Socialism begins his trip through Senegal, Tanzania and South Africa, let’s learn more about how he is personally curing AIDS, making blind men see, and walking across rivers all over that continent! Read more on Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff…
  isn't that the guy who 'killed bill'?

Here’s the Death-Stare Face Obama Made While Waiting Yesterday

America, this is just a guess, but it’s probably not a good idea to make Obama angry. “We’re gonna need a new vein!” — Obama’s face of death. This whole photo is pretty much the greatest picture of the century so far. Joe Biden is like, “Murhp?” And Hillary Clinton is like, “OMG!” (This is the caption that will be appear in history books, because history is written by the winners: teenagers who are popular.) Read more on Here’s the Death-Stare Face Obama Made While Waiting Yesterday…
  industrial accidents

President Obama Accidentally Washed Down Giant Drain

It’s not easy being the president during a sustained industrial/economic collapse! But Barack Obama bravely went to Willy Wonka’s munitions factory somewhere in Ohio or someplace, and then Barack Obama did a bad thing and tried the Every Flavor Dinner Gum, which includes “fried fat curds,” which are against Michelle Obama’s rules, so the crazy Koch Brother who thinks he’s Willy Wonka activated the Wingnuttia Brigade of slave-dwarves and poor Barry went down, down the drain. Read more on President Obama Accidentally Washed Down Giant Drain…
  cherry tree massacre

Obamas Spend Holidays With College A Capella Groups, Worshipping Dog

Thanks to Jackie Kennedy being hott that one time she lived there, the White House is supposed to be a place of well-decorated holiday majesty at this time of year. But the Obamas are ruining it by hanging out with singing asthmatic white college guys and forcing everyone around to worship their horrifyingly faceless dog, according to photos released by Pete Souza today. Read more on Obamas Spend Holidays With College A Capella Groups, Worshipping Dog…
  orange booty call

Obama Drunk Dials John Boehner

When the war is over, in the wee small hours, when your tie is loosened and you just want to have a cigarette and bullshit on the phone with another brother who likes his smokes, that’s when you open the last bottle and put Kind of Blue on the stereo and accidentally call John Boehner, because your dumb intern put him in the Rolodex under “colored guys.” [White House Flickr/Pete Souza] Read more on Obama Drunk Dials John Boehner…
  just a slob like one of us

Everybody Doesn’t Love Obama Now

Bob Woodward’s new book, This Obama Guy Did 9/11, will be that thing everybody in Washington buys on Monday even though they read all the sad dirt today in the newspapers. Obama’s own supporters just bitched at him for 10 hours on Monday during a tragic town hall. The economy is probably going to be bad forever. This is why Barack Obama looks sad. [White House Flickr] Read more on Everybody Doesn’t Love Obama Now…
  how anorexics are created

Socialist Practical Joker Puts Thumb (Foot) On Scale of Capitalism (Scale of People’s Weight)

President Barack Obama jokingly puts his toe on the scale as Trip Director Marvin Nicholson, unaware to the President’s action, weighs himself as the presidential entourage passed through the volleyball locker room at the University of Texas in Austin, Texas, Aug. 9, 2010. That’s your prez! Always with the jokes! (When he’s not GOLFING.) Nice catch, Souza. [Flickr] Read more on Socialist Practical Joker Puts Thumb (Foot) On Scale of Capitalism (Scale of People’s Weight)…
  weird sex nicknames

White House Photo Website Implies Chuck Todd Is Plastic Water Bottle

Here is the actual caption to this official White House photograph by Pete Souza: “President Barack Obama is interviewed by Chuck Todd, of NBC News, at Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Mich., July 15, 2010.” Mmhmm, but we only see one person in this picture and it sure isn’t MSNBC poli-nerd Chuck Todd. Oh wait, what’s that down there by the chair? Read more on White House Photo Website Implies Chuck Todd Is Plastic Water Bottle…