pete sessions

Harry Reid is telling tales again, and we could not love him more. He’s been fingered (gross) as the gossip girl behind the rumor that Rep. Pete Sessions told Barack Obama, to his face, in the White House, “I cannot even stand to look at you.” Wait a minute, a TEXAN being rude to a […]

An unnamed Republican congressman explained Thursday that the government shutdown was a whole lot like the Battle of Gettysburg: “I would liken this a little bit to Gettysburg, where a Confederate unit went looking for shoes and stumbled into Union cavalry, and all of a sudden found itself embroiled in battle on a battlefield it […]

This is Nancy Pelosi, mom, grandma, Armani model, and once the most powerful woman in the nation. And here she is, flappin’ her gums about blah blah blah middle class blah blah blah who cares? Well, at some point during this period of time, when she is distinctly not making anyone a sandwich, Texas idiot […]

Oops, it’s Friday, better check in on our beloved 112th Congress to see if they did anything (please god, spare us) or even showed up this week. Good heavens… fisticuffs? “One congressman accused another of drinking on the job in the midst of a tense exchange Wednesday night over whether the House would debate an […]

Two House Republicans weren’t around to strategically hand tissues to John Boehner on Wednesday as the House session opened. That wasn’t a problem, because our new speaker was able to compose himself, remembering he had to deliver a full short speech before he could hit the red wine/bronzer celebration cocktails. Unfortunately, this meant these bros, […]

'EAR/VOICE -- E-MAIL'  4:23 pm December 28, 2009

by Jim Newell

PETE SESSIONS INSANELY GAY FOR TERRIBLE CRIMINAL: “Just hours after federal agents charged banker Allen Stanford with fleecing investors of $7 billion, the disgraced financier received a message from one of Congress’ most powerful members, Pete Sessions. ‘I love you and believe in you,’ said the e-mail sent on Feb. 17. ‘If you want my […]

Sad whine, sad whine: Some of our nation’s saddest Republicans are terribly upset that Barack Obama will not put in an excruciating bad-faith appearance on some Fox News program this Sunday. You see, Obama will be stopping by the other major networks this weekend to talk about health care on “Meet the Press,” “State of […]

Texas GOP clown Pete Sessions last made the news when he suggested the doomed Republicans become more like the Taliban. As the modern Republican is already a fundamentalist nut who buggers little boys, hates science, fears women and constantly fantasizes about being killed for/by God, the only thing left was for the remaining wingnuts to […]

CONGRESS  9:50 am December 11, 2006

Wife-Beating Loser Loses Mind

by Alex Pareene