There is a formula for instant success in our nation’s great health care town halls: So you, the congressperson, mention some constituent whose medical condition would definitely take a turn for the worse in the event of the mere existence of the public option. What follows is death—irrecoverable death by death panel. Maybe even you have a photo of said constituent, hey that’s great! That is… it. Tragically, things went terribly awry the other day in Texas, as Republican Congressman Pete Olson’s town hall turned violently factual. MORE »

Everybody thought Rahm Emanuel was going to be such a hard-ass mobster for Barack Obama, but the actual strategy seems to involve Rahm personally saving people all over Washington every day, until everybody in town literally owes their life to Rahm. The superhero chief of staff saved a congressman yesterday, and not just any congressman, either — Emanuel saved the Republican now representing Tom DeLay’s old district! MORE »

No, alas, this isn’t the much-anticipated “Whitey” tape where George Bush sits in an Afghan cave with Louis Farrakhan spewing racist garbage. (That’ll be out next week.) A newly surfaced video shows our president making some jokes at a recent fundraiser for Pete Olson. Who’s that, you ask? Olson is the Texas Republican who beat Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs in a hard-fought primary, thereby strangling in its crib one of the most glorious political ascensions since … well, the last incompetent fraud from Texas. MORE »

After a valiant and hard-fought campaign, former pretend Congresswoman and full-time nutbag Shelley Sekula Gibbs lost to some joker named Pete Olson last night in a primary runoff for Texas’ 22nd Congressional district. Thus marks the close of another chapter in the fascinating political saga of a woman so beloved by her would-be consituents that one voter called her “DraculaCunt.” MORE »

Even if our coveted Wonkette endorsement failed to put Chris Peden over the top, we are delighted to think we had a hand in Dr. Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs’ miraculous comeback in last night’s primary. Dr. Gibbs once served in Congress as Tom DeLay’s replacement for seven glorious weeks, and now the voters of Texas’ 22nd Congressional District have said loud and clear: Seven More Weeks! MORE »