PETA’s New ‘Cash For Cluckers’ Program Exactly Like That Other One, But Without Cars
Friday, August 7th, 2009
America may be a racist, illiterate nation of violent fucktards, but if there’s one thing the anti-socialist anti-welfare white trash love, it’s free money. So we can expect millions of U.S. losers to give up one of their favorite things to stuff in their mouths — dead chicken flesh coated in a few inches of corn syrup and oil batter — in hopes of getting communist free money from the liberals. Yes, PETA’s “Cash For Cluckers” program is on. MORE »
Your editor showed up at the Austin Convention Center well in advance of her panel and spent many fruitless minutes finding the registration booth, getting checked in, and assuring the registration people that she was not some impostor “Sarah Smith” from some non-Wonkette entity. Fortunately, this process went on long enough that she got to meet Mark McKinnon! 
Oh look at those Obamas once again “doing the right thing” and being decent or whatever. The 
Mitt Romney is, of course, primarily known for being a Crisis Manager or something. We learned of Mitt’s executive skills earlier this week when the Boston Globe described how he tortured the family dog by driving 12 hours with the hapless animal strapped to the roof of a station wagon. And when Romney’s 17 terrified kids began watched the tortured Irish Setter’s diarrhea stream down the car’s windows, Dad simply pulled over at a gas station, savagely hosed down the shit-covered dog — which was still locked in the cage on the roof — and then merrily hopped back in the driver’s seat and continued the 12-hour drive with the frightened, sick, soaking wet dog shivering in the violent highway wind. 
Because nothing’s going on in Washington this month, the PETA people chose today to burn a “life sized” effigy of the Col. Sanders cartoon character — the Col. Sanders cartoon character that hasn’t been 