• February 13, 2012

peta

Beloved pretend video-game character “Mario” is in big trouble with the only organization on Earth known for not torturing animals: PETA. Taking a break from capturing naked girls to get the attention of anusburger-chomping slobs, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has turned its attentions to the pixelated Italian-American handyman because he is wearing [...]

Repugnant slob Bob Parsons somehow has this huge Internet domain business, “Go Daddy.” You probably have some web domains registered there, if you have web domains. Here is what this guy did, recently: Multi-millionaire creep patronizes the most oppressive, vicious government in Africa to slaughter elephants, for fun. And yeah, this is the same cretin [...]

Hey heads up: PETA is offering to take whatever prison that Obama decides not use for terrorist collecting—Guantánamo, or that maximum security job in Thomson, IL that might be New Guantánamo—and turn it into a “All Living Beings Empathy Center.” It’d be symbolic as shit, right, because the Guantánamo human torture can be sort of [...]

America may be a racist, illiterate nation of violent fucktards, but if there’s one thing the anti-socialist anti-welfare white trash love, it’s free money. So we can expect millions of U.S. losers to give up one of their favorite things to stuff in their mouths — dead chicken flesh coated in a few inches of [...]

Your editor showed up at the Austin Convention Center well in advance of her panel and spent many fruitless minutes finding the registration booth, getting checked in, and assuring the registration people that she was not some impostor “Sarah Smith” from some non-Wonkette entity. Fortunately, this process went on long enough that she got to [...]

Blah blah, another ghetto kid from a broken home, why not just abort it, OH WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED MINUTE YOU MEAN IT’S BARACK OBAMA?

Here’s a political ad from a lobbying group which was REFUSED by the evil SUPER BOWL TV, so it’s of Great Interest to your Wonkette, which is all about politics, and hot models fucking broccoli, for freedom. [PETA]

Oh look at those Obamas once again “doing the right thing” and being decent or whatever. The terrorist cell “PETA” just sent us this email, claiming that “Obama and his wife, Michelle, have announced that they will adopt a rescued dog for their daughters instead of patronizing a pet store or breeder.” Oh la dee [...]