Tag Archives: perverts

  minor indiscretions

Pervy Pol’s Taint Leads To Private Caucus, All Political Dick Puns Currently In Use

Joseph Dee Morrissey, at least for the moment, stubbornly remains a Democratic member of the Virginia House. He was all “okay, fine, I’ll resign, GOD” after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor to avoid trial for child pornography, then announced he planned to stay in office while running in the special election for his replacement in order to remove the “taint over his seat.” He was totally busted this week campaigning in front of a grocery store, which is verboten under his day-release conditions as a criminal who sleeps in a jail, but a judge declined to lock him up for real to avoid “interfering with an election.” Read more on Pervy Pol’s Taint Leads To Private Caucus, All Political Dick Puns Currently In Use…
  wonkette would never report this if he were a democrat

Pervy Convict Legislator Wants Virginia To Remove The Taint From His Seat

Image via Wikimedia Commons Competition is heating up for Wonkette’s Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year award. Today’s featured contender: Joseph Dee Morrissey, recently resigned member of the Virginia House of Delegates and “descendant of John Morrissey, a 19th-century U.S. Congressman and one-time bare-knuckle boxer.” That scrappy spirit is apparently alive in the current generation of Morrisseys, going by Joe’s announcement that he will run in the special election to fill the position he just gave up, since his constituents deserve to choose from only the finest jailbound criminals to make their laws. Read more on Pervy Convict Legislator Wants Virginia To Remove The Taint From His Seat…
  hail to the slash

At Last, There Is A Website For Your Homoerotic Presidential Fan Fiction

Greetings, Wonketteers! Your Comics Curmudgeon has been given permission by Wonkette’s lovely editrix to promote a pet project here: Hail to the Slash, a crowdsourced repository of slash fiction about presidents and presidential candidates, having sex, with each other and other historical figures! Wonkette is made up of EXACTLY the sort of pervert politics nerds who would find this interesting, so I have high hopes that you will all read the site and follow it on Twitter and submit your own slashfic and tell your pervert friends about it. The stories on the site are submitted by readers like you, but to prove that I’m as game as anyone, I present to you an romantic story featuring Ron Paul and time travel, after the jump. Read more on At Last, There Is A Website For Your Homoerotic Presidential Fan Fiction…
  'wild wild west' was a good movie right

Someone Please Assure Us That This ‘Steampunk Palin’ Comic Is An Elaborate Prank

Everyone should drop what they’re doing right now and give a million Pulitzers to the Comics Alliance for blowing the lid off of an upcoming “Steampunk Palin” comic book/graphic novel/spank mag. It is (obviously) about a near-future crisis where “Big Oil/Nuke” seizes control of energy production and so everyone has to switch to steam power (STEAM IS USUALLY GENERATED BY BOILING WATER WITH HEAT DERIVED FROM FOSSIL FUELS OR NUCLEAR POWER FYI), and then Sarah Palin is terribly injured by a bomb and wakes up months later having been turned into a steampunk cyborg superhero. With very large breasts? We’re not sure how that fits into this. (Haha, we are 100% sure how it fits into this: it helps you masturbate to the drawings more vigorously.) Anyway, if you would like to see more amazing/traumatizing images from this nightmare, which we’re pretty sure you do, go ahead and click the “READ MORE” link. Read more on Someone Please Assure Us That This ‘Steampunk Palin’ Comic Is An Elaborate Prank…
  the science of smut

Chuck Grassley Verrrry Interested In This Whole ‘Pornography’ Business

You know what keeps Chuck Grassley up at night? Pornography! Specifically, the thought that someone, somewhere, within the vast National Science Foundation bureaucracy, is using a computer and Internet connection purchased with tax, dollars paid by hard-working Americans, to find and view pictures of comely young men or women — perhaps not wearing clothes, perhaps even engaging in erotic congress with one another. Worse, these nefarious scientists might engage in the sin of Onan, while peering intently at the perverse images. Can you imagine what this would mean for the Republic? Bad things, that’s what! Grassley’s made progress in his efforts to defeat this scourge; after the jump, find out what desperate lengths the few remaining NSF perverts have gone to. Read more on Chuck Grassley Verrrry Interested In This Whole ‘Pornography’ Business…
  future erotica

Cops Making Hot Sex Porn Mags From Your Body Scans!

Americans, do you know about “millimeter wave systems”? Of course you don’t — that’s terrifying science talk. In layman’s terms, these are the giant scary scanning machines that most airports have about two of, and people are selected at random to go into them, and then the TSA agent sees you naked, without any clothes on, via radiation magic. This keeps us safe from terrorists, who use our great nation’s habit of wearing garments to hide their terror guns and such. But what of the cost to our privacy? Don’t worry, the government has long promised that these images will only be looked at once, by a trained security official, who won’t even have to spank off to it, or even to fully fix it in his mind as later masturbatory fodder, before it is purged forever from the screen and from the advanced scanner’s memory chips. Oh, but hey, guess what? Read more on Cops Making Hot Sex Porn Mags From Your Body Scans!…
  epic footage

Rick Perry Likes To Pet People, As A Greeting

HOLY MOLY LOOK AT GOV. RICK PERRY TOUCH THIS MAN. JESUS. He’s like, well sure I’ll shake your hand old man, but before I do that, I’m just gonna pet your hair a lil’ bit, and you’re gonna have to deal with that. Ha ha ha! This is still so good, even on the 42nd watch. And it’s not a one-off thing, either: this is simply how Rick Perry greets other humans. Read more on Rick Perry Likes To Pet People, As A Greeting…
  guns & dicks

HANDSY N.C. STATE SENATOR SHOOTS HOME INTRUDER: This is why we need military-grade assault weapons, people: “TABOR CITY, N.C. — A sheriff says North Carolina’s longest serving state lawmaker has shot one of two intruders who kicked in the front door of his home.” This is a real win-win, here, because the senator, R.C. Soles, was able to protect himself with his gun, the news of which has introduced the rest of us to “R.C. Soles,” who allegedly has a penchant for teenage cock. [AP] Read more on …
  cartoon violence

Perverts Foreign And Domestic

By the Comics CurmudgeonMany differences of opinion mark the divide between real Americans and the sort of decadent, elitist sex-crazed weirdos who read this site. Perhaps one of the easiest ways to tell which category you fall into is to examine your attitude towards the Foreigns and sex perverts. Do you believe that America is a bastion of virtue and everything outside its borders is a giant orgy? Or do you believe that foreigners have a healthy attitude towards sexuality, and that it’s Americans who are all twisted up inside when it comes to sexual matters? As is so often the case in these disagreements, each side is right: both foreigners and Americans are filthy perverts. But only Americans are also furries. Read more on Perverts Foreign And Domestic…
  you don't say

AC360 Exposé: Furries Have A Certain Sex Fetish

Oh, this was so awesome, the other day! What could be better than Anderson Cooper plus furries? Anderson Cooper crackin’ on furries, and suggesting they do more at their glamorous Pittsburgh conference than talk. So adorable! [YouTube] Read more on AC360 Exposé: Furries Have A Certain Sex Fetish…
  political correctness

NY Congressman Bravely Speaks Out Against Dead Pop Star

Congressman Pete King: Is he the Mike Gravel of 2009? He’s very fond of the brief, nonsensical YouTube on important topics such as why we all “glorify” Michael Jackson instead of firefighters and AIDS clinic workers. Hmm, good question! Here is a hint: one was a bizarre recluse who traveled with chimps, danced like an angel, and slowly morphed from a handsome young black man into Liza Minnelli; the other fights fires. NO CONTEST. Why didn’t David Paterson appoint Pete King to Hillary’s Senate seat instead of that dull Gillibrand character, who has never once produced a noteworthy opinion on Michael Jackson? [YouTube] Read more on NY Congressman Bravely Speaks Out Against Dead Pop Star…
 

Pennsylvania Legislative Furry Arrested For Trying To Sex Young Boy

A pervert in Pennsylvania has been arrested. HOORAY FOR FRIDAY NEWS! Alan David Berlin, 40, and longtime staffer in the Pennsylvania state Senate, was charged Thursday for being a terrible panda furry who loved teenage boys so, so much. But is he only a panda furry? Read more on Pennsylvania Legislative Furry Arrested For Trying To Sex Young Boy…
  telemarketers

COMMENCE ‘CRYPTIC PHONE DRIVE-BYS IN HIPPIE COMMUNES’ PHASE OF TEABAGGING REVOLUTION: Left-wing communist and likely herbivore “CB” writes: “I know this is only a minor event, especially because I’m sure millions of people got this phone call. But I need to vent. Yesterday I got a call, and a friendly male voice recording informed me about the ‘Teabag Movement’ going on an advised me to ‘Please take note.’ Thanks to wonderful Wonkette, I am fully informed about this lame-ass ‘movement.’ I’m in Berkeley, for f…s sake. What are they thinking?” Hmm. Must be the teabagger perv-bot’s fetish. Like in that movie where Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character calls random ladies in the phone book and shouts nonsense while violently masturbating. Read more on …
  somebody get this guy a snuggie

Georgetown Harrassed By Serial Cuddler

A full two thirds of the most recent Georgetown University Public Safety Reports have involved an unknown male entering someone’s home and hovering in or around the resident’s bed until being “asked” to leave. Read more on Georgetown Harrassed By Serial Cuddler…
  blowvember

DING DING DING Senate Aide Arrested For Kiddie Porn DING

A “high-level” aide to communist Sen. Barbara Boxer of California has been arrested after — whoops! — he was caught chatting and swapping cock pictures with 13-year-old boys on a liberal social network called “Google Hello.” Gross! And the funny thing about one of those 13-year-old boys was that he was actually an FBI detective, trying to capture him. OOPS. Let’s learn more about Mr. Jeff Rosato, who has walked straight into a cold Blowvember gust. Read more on DING DING DING Senate Aide Arrested For Kiddie Porn DING…
  so lonely

Gay Larry Craig Has No Internet Friends

Why is gay Senator Larry Craig always getting arrested in public restrooms? Because he’s the Idaho Bathroom Goblin, that’s why! Also, as this picture proves, it’s because he has no Internet friends. So sad. [Official Profile: Sen. Larry E. Craig] Read more on Gay Larry Craig Has No Internet Friends…