Former South Dakota legislator Ted Klaudt was convicted in Blowvember for sexually abusing his foster daughters while telling them his was examining them for their suitability as egg donors. Ted, by the way, isn’t a doctor. He was sentenced yesterday to 44 years in prison and won’t be eligible to apply for parole for until 2030. Ted’s lawyer had argued for a lesser sentence because a 50 year-old, 600 pound man is likely to die in prison, but, really, that’s a fate that Ted could’ve prevented by NOT RAPING HIS FOSTER DAUGHTERS so the judge and I and probably most of the rest of the world don’t really give a shit. Enjoy prison, short eyes. [Fox News]

Cocktober 2006 was a beautiful time; we remember it fondly, becoming misty-eyed and nostalgic whenever we are reminded of that better, simpler time when everyone was really interested in sexytime emails and porn. One of those times that makes us misty is right now, as we are told that Nancy Pelosi won’t help Florida law enforcement probe any deeper into whether or not our old friend Mark Foley committed any of a multitude of possible felonies. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement appealed to the Speaker herself to let them look at the backup tapes (tapes?) from Foley’s old computer, but Nancy said no. MORE »

Blovember is gone and Cocktober is history, but American Family Values cannot be erased with a simple midterm election: Seattle GOP activist Larry Corrigan has been arrested and charged with trying to arrange sex with a 13-year-old girl. MORE »