Tag Archives: personhood

  That's not what 'libertarian' means

Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To

He went to some kind of medical school?
The “libertarian” senator from Kentucky does not want to talk about abortion, m’kay? Bitcoins and drones and how we should go back to the 1800s except for that slavery stuff, maybe, and Bill Clinton’s blowjob (totally Hillary’s fault) — that’s all good. Rand Paul loves that stuff. He will trip over his own tongue ALL DAY on that nonsense. But little babbies and whether he wants to save them or kill them dead, in your womb? Nah, man, that’s not why he’s been a senator for .37 seconds and is already ready to pretend he’s ready to be president: Read more on Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To…
  the halls of injustice

Michigan Teabagger Cites Magna Carta, Eternal Rights Of Man In Epic Fight Over Seating Chart

taken before the day everything changed...
Do you sometimes feel like the standard tea party characters are growing a little stale? Are you tired of the Crowders? The Kincannons? The Paranoid Ginger Wooly Willies? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Those guys are great, especially if you’re looking for racist murder fetish material. But will they have a seat at the table when it’s time to effect true change? Who will LEAD? Read more on Michigan Teabagger Cites Magna Carta, Eternal Rights Of Man In Epic Fight Over Seating Chart…
  New plan

Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats

Here, Dems, is your new business model
Photo by Tim Pierce Here’s an idea that’s so crazy, it just might work! After the thorough ass-kicking the Democratic Party suffered on Election Day, some Democrats are considering the possibility that maybe running “Democratic” candidates who are embarrassed to be Democrats is not the best way to appeal to the Democratic Party. Crazy, huh? With candidates refusing to support Obamacare, refusing to support Democratic policies, refusing to even say “Hell, yes, I voted for Barack Obama because I am a Democrat, DUH,” the new minority is thinking maybe it’s time to get back to being Democrats. Read more on Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats…
  Cory Gardner for feminist of the year!

Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy

Ladies and friends of ladies, you will be happy to know that Colorado’s radical feminist Rep. Cory Gardner, who is trying real hard to unseat Democratic Sen. Mark Udall, wants to give you all the slut pills for your sexxxytime — and for freedom! — unlike some people who are named (cough) Mark Udall. Read more on Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy…
  scaling new heights of stupid

North Dakota Passes Abortion Bill Guaranteed To Make Even More Of Its Population Flee

Wonkotans, have you been contemplating a trip to beautiful North Dakota? Perhaps kicking around the idea of settling there, what with their oil boom and all? You could get in and make money for a couple years before everything crashes and you become a meth addict that works at the Quik Stop! Good times. Before you pack up and move, Joad-like, to the great midwest, you may first want to ensure that you are utterly unable to get pregnant, or, if you are a manly sort, utterly unable to knock a lady up, because no abortions never no more: Read more on North Dakota Passes Abortion Bill Guaranteed To Make Even More Of Its Population Flee…
  regulate women not markets

Paul Ryan Focusing On Jobs With New Bill About One-Celled Embryos

Lucky you, Amercia, Paul Ryan (R-Complete Tool) is back at work and ready to focus on the issues. After all, Paul Ryan is a Very Serious Person who is Very Concerned about Jobs and The Economy! So when he was campaigning we were all bereft of his leadership on these and other pressing issues, and it was sad, and surely we suffered mightily for it. But today we bring you good news, for he is BACK, you guys, and now that he is back, he is dedicated to his number one legislative priority: cosponsoring legislation that promotes job growth  protects one-celled embryos. Read more on Paul Ryan Focusing On Jobs With New Bill About One-Celled Embryos…
  say anything

Embryos Greet Defeat Of Virginia’s Personhood Bill With Eerie Silence

Virginia’s vaginas escaped state-sanctioned ‘unwanted penetration,’ temporarily at least, with a proposed transvaginal ultrasound bill thoroughly collapsing under the weight of public ridicule. And now the bill that would have granted any grouping of two or more cells “all the rights, privileges, and immunities” of (most) actual PEOPLE has been tabled until 2013, delivering a massive defeat to trillions of potential Virginians, who will never know how good they could have had it up here, gasping agonally along with the rest of us in these, the last days of the American Empire. So why can’t the glutinous globs of cells that would have finally become ‘persons’ under the bill be reached for comment? Hmmmm? Rather SUSPICIOUS, wouldn’t you say? Read more on Embryos Greet Defeat Of Virginia’s Personhood Bill With Eerie Silence…
  a zygote is a zygote is a zygote

Zygotes Close to Becoming Microscopic People in the Eyes of Oklahoma

Oklahoma’s obtuse personhood law made it through the state Senate on Thursday by a margin of 34 imbeciles to 8 brains, and will now go to the House, where there are even more “interior person”-loving junkies than in the Senate. This means that, yes, fertilized eggs shall have “all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.” So get ready to give your zygotes your old car, hundreds of thousands of dollars in school tuition, and don’t be surprised if their profiles shows up on eHarmony. The bill’s backer, Sen. Brian Crain, clearly doesn’t actually even understand the text of what he put forth, saying that it won’t actually limit contraception access or other things involving contact with zygotes, when actually it will, hugely, you stupid guy, because if a zygote is a person, anyone using the morning-after pill, or performing in vitro fertilization, or doing stem cell research, can be considered a, well, murderer. Great! Read more on Zygotes Close to Becoming Microscopic People in the Eyes of Oklahoma…
  zygote news

Senator Mocks Crazies With ‘Each Sperm Is Sacred’ Amendment

To make a point, which is a thing that congresspersons occasionally do, Democrat Constance Johnson, State Senator from Oklahoma, proposed an amendment to the state’s personhood bill this week that would render punishable by law ANY sperm that does not enter into a competition with its squiggly brethren to make a baby! The personhood bill, spearheaded by some Republican freaks, is intended to define life as beginning at conception, i.e. a zygote should have all the rights of an actual born human, like being allowed to get married to a person of the same sex in the state of California, ahahhaa. Senate Bill 1433 states that an unborn child “at every stage of development [has] all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.” Johnson’s amendment, intended to highlight the insanity of this, essentially states that Each Sperm Must Find Its Egg. Amazing. Read more on Senator Mocks Crazies With ‘Each Sperm Is Sacred’ Amendment…
  sad face

Personhood USA To Host Next Personhood Defeat In Florida

Sad news for American blastocysts, guys. Accidental zygotes are still not as sacred as you and I, now that the normals in Mississippi — whose existence was considered apocryphal until Tuesday’s election — have decided they’ve had just about enough of the pushy nuts behind up-and-coming fetus cargo cult Personhood USA. Final tally: a 59%-41% defeat of the Personhood Amendment that would have elevated the valued single-celled members of our communities to full 5/5ths American citizenship with the full Constitutional rights to catastrophic student loans and a diet entirely composed of corn syrup. Mississippians decided that sending pregnant women to prison for the crime of filling an Ortho Evra prescription was, maybe, a tad completely crazy. It probably didn’t help that the campaign’s presumably paid spokespeople mostly had no idea what they were talking about. Well, at least not enough to lie convincingly about their terrible proposal so that people might actually on purpose vote for it. Read more on Personhood USA To Host Next Personhood Defeat In Florida…
  rick's list

Future Prez Santorum: Obama Can’t Make Decision Because He’s Black

Rick Santorum seems very excited to lose the Iowa Caucuses in a landslide, doesn’t he? He’s got that fighting spirit back, and he’s not afraid to take on black people for supporting abortion rights. Black people, right? Who are they to say what’s a person and what isn’t? Sounds like a good campaign slogan. Read more on Future Prez Santorum: Obama Can’t Make Decision Because He’s Black…