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Tag: personhood

He went to some kind of medical school?

Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To

The "libertarian" senator from Kentucky does not want to talk about abortion, m'kay? Bitcoins and drones and how we should go back to the 1800s except for that slavery stuff, maybe, and Bill Clinton's blowjob (totally Hillary's fault) --...
taken before the day everything changed...

Michigan Teabagger Cites Magna Carta, Eternal Rights Of Man In Epic Fight Over Seating Chart

Do you sometimes feel like the standard tea party characters are growing a little stale? Are you tired of the Crowders? The Kincannons? The Paranoid Ginger Wooly Willies? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Those guys are great, especially if you’re looking...
Here, Dems, is your new business model

Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats

Here's an idea that's so crazy, it just might work! After the thorough ass-kicking the Democratic Party suffered on Election Day, some Democrats are considering the possibility that maybe running "Democratic" candidates who are embarrassed to be Democrats is...

Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy

Ladies and friends of ladies, you will be happy to know that Colorado's radical feminist Rep. Cory Gardner, who is trying real hard to unseat Democratic Sen. Mark Udall, wants to give you all the slut pills for your...

North Dakota Passes Abortion Bill Guaranteed To Make Even More Of Its Population Flee

Wonkotans, have you been contemplating a trip to beautiful North Dakota? Perhaps kicking around the idea of settling there, what with their oil boom and all? You could get in and make money for a couple years before everything...

Paul Ryan Focusing On Jobs With New Bill About One-Celled Embryos

Lucky you, Amercia, Paul Ryan (R-Complete Tool) is back at work and ready to focus on the issues. After all, Paul Ryan is a Very Serious Person who is Very Concerned about Jobs and The Economy! So when he was...

Embryos Greet Defeat Of Virginia’s Personhood Bill With Eerie Silence

Virginia's vaginas escaped state-sanctioned 'unwanted penetration,' temporarily at least, with a proposed transvaginal ultrasound bill thoroughly collapsing under the weight of public ridicule. And now the bill that would have granted any grouping of two or more cells "all...

Zygotes Close to Becoming Microscopic People in the Eyes of Oklahoma

Oklahoma's obtuse personhood law made it through the state Senate on Thursday by a margin of 34 imbeciles to 8 brains, and will now go to the House, where there are even more "interior person"-loving junkies than in the...

Senator Mocks Crazies With ‘Each Sperm Is Sacred’ Amendment

To make a point, which is a thing that congresspersons occasionally do, Democrat Constance Johnson, State Senator from Oklahoma, proposed an amendment to the state's personhood bill this week that would render punishable by law ANY sperm that does...

Personhood USA To Host Next Personhood Defeat In Florida

Sad news for American blastocysts, guys. Accidental zygotes are still not as sacred as you and I, now that the normals in Mississippi -- whose existence was considered apocryphal until Tuesday's election -- have decided they’ve had...

Future Prez Santorum: Obama Can’t Make Decision Because He’s Black

Rick Santorum seems very excited to lose the Iowa Caucuses in a landslide, doesn't he? He's got that fighting spirit back, and he's not afraid to take on black people for supporting abortion rights. Black people, right? Who are...