Wonkette

Aging rocker Joe Perry is no match for the truly aged Jack Valenti, though they’d both get broken hips if they ever collided with always-in-a-hurry Chris Matthews. These and pathetically little else, after the jump.

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This week Chris Wallace continues the cheapness trend while buying a new suit, Tom Delay brings his evil spirits to a restaurant named for a mystical tree — and Hugo Chavez hearts New York. It’s all after the jump.

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The typical Wonk’d sighting is comprised of two parts. First, the initial spotting - that moment of, “holy shit, it’s XXXX XXXX.” The second part is where it gets interesting: moving in for the kill. Getting a little closer to confirm it is who you think it is, or to get a greeting — but it’s impossible to know how the spottee will react. An equal “hi” for “hi” return is rare, a slight nod seems to be the standard, and the pursed-lip-upward-chin-thrust is if you’re lucky. In today’s Wonk’d see how Howard Dean, William Cohen, and Katherine Heigl respond to being caught. Also, Ken Mehlman’s workout habits, Greta Van Susteren’s travel habits, and the meanest dry cleaner in Chicago, after the jump.

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New York, LA, New York, LA — no one gives a shit about DC until their tangentially-related-to-public-service movie has to premiere, then all of a sudden Cleveland Park is where it’s at. At least a solid Demi Moore sighting came out of the screening of The Guardian last week, but she’s not even in it. And while Demi is gone already, some people just never leave, as evidenced by the above photo of (the back of) Tom DeLay duck-walking down H St. Others that were Wonk’d this week: Marion Barry needs his ride pimped, Harriet Miers shops for pimp threads, and the prince of darkness is overheard on his cell phone asking, “Is Bob Novak gonna have to choke a bitch?” All these and your third favorite Ghostbuster, after the jump.

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Washington people just never quit working. Bill Kristol rises early to have breakfast with congressmen, Michael Chertoff spends Friday nights securing the homeland’s movie theaters, and Valerie Plame reads political non-fiction on street corners cause she can’t get enough. And kindly father Alito (at right — ain’t he loveable?) spends his weekends carting his daughter’s luggage all over 37th street. This plus philandering soccer players, jaywalking TV gangsters, and mustachioed wrestlers, after the jump!

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In another August “where’d everybody go” edition of Wonk’d we found Bill and Chelsea Clinton shopping for “MV” stickers and James Carville and Mary Matalin trying not to get stuck in DC. At right, Eleanor Clift looks lost too. If you’re caught here and can’t escape, take a cue from Joe Lieberman and enjoy yourself with a nice long lunch somewhere nice. Because, just like Joe, come November you might just miss this place after all.

Today’s Wonk’d is two weeks worth of sightings that we saved up and couple we had ourselves. We know you can do better. Please suppress thoughts like “Oh, Wonkette won’t care about him, he’s not even in office anymore.” Trust us, we want to hear about it. Just send over a little email with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line and the name of the person who wouldn’t make a sightings column in any other city. For scraping the bottom of the barrel, we thank you.

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August in DC has that ghost town feel, everyone’s gone - except the people wishing they were, and Senator Ron Wyden, who’s a little confused about where he should be on what days. Also, Dick Cheney, since he’s a robot, doesn’t need vacation and instead just continues to consume information. The Bush family, however, knows that when you take time off you really want to be able to relax - so Barbara Bush makes sure to travel with someone who’ll take care of Millie’s little messes on the beach.

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It’s hot as hell on the East Coast, and Brit Hume is hiking around Georgetown and sweating through his super 130’s suits. But Joe Lockhart and Ken Mehlman don’t play that game, they’re all about Air Conditioning and mint juleps. Jessica Cutler, on the other hand, stays cool in a nice pair of booty shorts. MORE »

Who knew porn star and Nevada gubernatorial candidate Melody Damayo would take her Wonkette endorsement so seriously? It’s listed prominently in her profile at the Reno Gazette-Journal. In fact, out of all her endorsements, it’s the only-est one.

The whole profile is worth reading, especially because the fast-paced career of a porn star (”became magazine publisher at young age of 19″) makes your average billionaire or son-of-someone-famous or Georgetown Law grad candidate look like a total loser. MORE »

Politics is 99% image, the other half is kissing babies. Jim Ramstad knows that and his top-down-screaming-out, “money ain’t a thing” lifestyle is letting you know he’s skipping the 8th step — no apologies. Michael Hayden isn’t apologizing either, he likes the European futbol and doesn’t give a damn if it’s the 4th of July. Mike Piazza’s not running for anything but he knows the voters love the Magnum P.I. style, and Bill Bennett’s not running either, but he probably should start, for his health.

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It’s a good week to be a teenage girl in DC. Sex In The City’s Chris Noth was hanging out downtown, and Jordan Catalano Jared Leto was, like, totally in Dupont, or something.

Stevie Wonder was also seen, but he didn’t see you, and neither did his security guard. These and more of the hoi-polloi that we lovingly call “famous for DC,” after the jump.

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It’s a full service edition of Wonk’d, as Bill Frist stands Chrst-like in front of a three-way mirror for a suit fitting, and Jenna and Barbara Bush get spa treatments. LL Cool J and Wolf Blitzer take to the city’s fine dining establishments, while Dick Cheney and Ashlee Simpson stick to the ‘burbs.

Different strokes for different folks. While Teresa Heinz Kerry might not think twice about dropping six bills on dinner, Ruth Bader Ginsburg shops at Safeway like the rest of us. That, and Sam Donaldson has to bribe a cabbie to get picked up, just like we do.

You know the drill: the full list of sightings appears after the jump. And please continue to email us with your celebrity sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Thanks in advance for your delectable contributions.

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Just because someone is on TV, has run for president, or whatever, doesn’t mean they know how to dress themselves properly. Case in point: Ralph Nader. It’s just not that cold out, Ralph.

Candy Crowley might need a few wardrobe tips too — and a reality check. While we’re giving unsolicited advice, how about a refresher driving class for Bob Novak? It seems like he needs it.

There’s still more Wonk’d to come this week, so you have a few more days to fatten our inbox with sightings. Just put “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, and we’ll publish all the hot fresh spottings on Friday.

Check out the first installment of this week’s sightings, after the jump.

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