Advertising Inquiries:
wonkette@blogads.com
Tip Your Wonkette:
tips@wonkette.com
Editors:
Ken Layne | Email
Jim Newell | Email
Sara K. Smith | Email
Juli Weiner | Email
Intern:
Riley Waggaman
Travesties abound this week as Helen Thomas waits in the cold while waves of taxis pass her by, Clarence Thomas struggles to afford a $15 hamburger, and people still listen to anything Dick Gephardt has to say. All this sadness plus a sighting with a really fishy smell and a touch of Alanis-style irony, after you finish your Zoloft.
Nearly every sighting this week comes from the exact same place, several at the exact same time. Wonkette operatives didn’t even need to use their sharp eyes to spot these old men in a barrel. Apparently, Bistro Bis is the be-seen restaurant du jour. Or maybe it was all along — the closest we come to a power lunch is eating a burrito really fast. But John Kerry, John Bolton, Jon Tester , Jim Lehrer, and Steve Kroft have more discriminating palates. You get all of them, and one Senator too busy working on his abs to respect his elders, by indulging your Mecury-in-retrograde-moon-is-in-the-seventh-house fantasies on the other side of the worm hole.
It’s a new year in Wonk’d but all the famous-for-dc cats have already broken their resolutions. Laura Bush only made it 3 days before she was back on the sauce, Robert Novak may have been at the happiest place on Earth, but he was still an asshole, and of course there’s Katherine Harris, as you can see, taking to the streets of Florida during the warmest winter ever, in an ankle length fur coat. You get these dandies plus a Member of Congress who loves to stare at members of men, after you unzip.
No half-assed Christmas puns today, just straight Wonk’d, with Steny Hoyer showing off his pimping skills, Ed Rendell proving he’s a sports fan, Fred Barnes shopping like he could afford not to, and Robert Duvall, who you see here as the same tragic hero you remember. All this, plus the most metrosexual Redskins player, on a team full of them.
Wonk’d is in a festive mood and the famous-for-DC kids in this week’s installment have been spotted doing the exact same thing you’ve been doing these past few weeks: stuffing food in their faces at a hectic pace. Harold Ford likes upscale chain eateries, Tom Delay indulges his delusions of grandeur by lunching on the Senate side, and actual celebrity Matt Damon drops a few hundred bucks on a dinner he could’ve gotten for $4.99 from a local burrito joint. Lots more, including Dennis Hastert ordering the red and green curry, after you rip open the presents.
The tipsters have gotten themselves on the “good” list and uncle Wonk’d has loads of stocking stuffers for an early Christmas. These presents might not be as good as the ones Laura Bush was seen buying, but you get what you pay for. Unwrap a jaywalking John Bolton, an over-caffeinated Katherine Harris, an anatomically correct Anderson Cooper, and an occasionally anonymous Dan Bartlett that comes with elephant sidekick, under the tree.
It’s all cheap asses and skinflints in today’s Wonk’d with Clarence Thomas splurging on sesame chicken for his clerks, John Ashcroft trying to get to The Front Page before the free taco happy hour ends, and David Gregory hassling the hardest working independent booksellers in America. These succulent morsels plus what Mark Warner is still running for, and a GILF you’ve forgotten was still alive.
It’s an all talking heads (no Byrne) edition of Wonk’d as Charles Krauthammer tries to roll over the Kennedy Center staff, Wolf Blitzer avoids a situation outside of his comfort room, Lou Dobbs takes a weekend break from painting on his hair, and, as always, George Stephanopoulos. This main course and few small fixin’s, after you set the table.
Bold facers display their blithe indifference to the common man in this week’s Wonk’d as Alan Greenspan laughs uproariously at the unsuspecting pawns in Borat, Bill Clinton ignores dead bodies in the street, and fey Karl Rove won’t even give a guy a courtesy nod. James Baker still keeps it real by hanging at bars - but only if they’re really classy. At least there’s always Marion Barry, who’s hip to the hot spots, and down with the cool styles. All these celebrity drinking habits, plus Grover Norquist reduced to buying last season’s irregular suits off the rack, after the jump.
After a multi-week hiatus, today’s Wonk’d features the return of George Stephanopoulos, who’s hip to the best pizza in DC. Also, from NYC, the bi-metro Clintons party with, but not like, rockstars, while Al Gore dry-humps his SUV. Cynthia McKinney keeps it real, and, uh, Ruben Studdard was here for some reason. Finally, a sighting so heinous it needs a disclaimer: If you make the jump, and read what follows, you will be unable to completely erase the mental image from your mind. Things thought cannot be unthought — even with all the drugs you bought last night for the weekend.
Exploiting inter-personal power dynamics to one’s advantage is what Washington is all about — Neil Bush knows it and has mastered the art. And while John Negroponte takes it one day at a time, Mark Warner and John King get bossed around by their kids. These, plus Ken Mehlman on his downward spiral, using Google Earth to find Barbara Bush, and avoiding the notorious Evan Bayh stink-palm, behind the curtain.
We were going to write a scathing intro about the importance of Wonk’d and our deep sadness at the paltry sightings we’ve been getting lately, until someone sent a nice juicy George Bush tip this morning. So there’s that, plus a haggard Ken Mehlman, an indiscreet Harriet Miers, a myopic (in more ways than one) Tom Friedman, Mr. Mayor-for-Life, and your favorite “member” of Congress, below the fold.
It’s nice when Wonk’d has at least one “famous-for-famous” sighting, not that we don’t love our 3rd string journalists and local politicians. This week there’s Robin Williams, whose hair plugs and recent mediocrity don’t really affect the fact that he is still an actual movie star. Others spotted this week are Wonkette favorites Tucker Carlson and Tim Russert, as well as much-reviled though oft-seen Bob Novak . You get these and the best High School economics teacher ever, after the jump.
