Tag Archives: personalities

  freudian analysis

Science Proves Wonkette Writers Are Diligent Drones

So we were over at the blog of our Emo-Goth boyfriend Andrew Sullivan and he linked to this nifty site analyzer deal that will stare deep into your blog’s soul and tell you exactly what kind of a human you are. The Typealizer’s take on Wonkette was quite surprising! And … horrifying. Read more on Science Proves Wonkette Writers Are Diligent Drones…
 

Get Your Ladles, Girls, Soup’s On

John McCain has a hundred soldiers protecting him as he braves markets in California, Karen Hughes atones for the Administration’s moral failings one spoonful at a time, Rahm Emanuel stuffs his own face every night of the week, Trent Lott names things after himself, Christopher Hitchens is surprisingly solvent, Chuck Hagel’s offspring is surprisingly not repellent, and our favorite Marine can’t stay semper fi to just one lady. Read more on Get Your Ladles, Girls, Soup’s On…
 

Wonk’d: Ruts Are Deeper Than Graves

Paul Bremer and Dennis Kucinich are totally deluded, Patrick McHenry and George Will are likely quaaluded, David Wu and Bradley Whitford are enrapt, and Helen Thomas is trapped — going to the same restaurants she’s been going to since her 60’s, or the 60’s, whichever. Read more on Wonk’d: Ruts Are Deeper Than Graves…
 

Wonk’d: Shiny-Haired Media Whores

What makes John Bolton such an asshole? Is Joe Lieberman just pretending to be Jewish? How thankful is Tim Russert for the Sunday morning make-up gay at NBC? Does Chris Dodd hate his family as much as we think he does? Answer these and find out what part of George Stephanopoulos is “gorgeous and thick.” Read more on Wonk’d: Shiny-Haired Media Whores…
 

Wonk’d: A Soft, Moist, Shapeless Mass of Matter

Drunken stumblebum Joe Lieberman gets caught in the March madness, Chris Matthews reminds us how much he loves titties, Howard Dean sustains the planet, and the arrows you see are provided by a Wonkette operative who proves once again that Nicolas Cage has never met a shitty fucking awesome movie he didn’t want to be in. So, sit back, chill out, and wait for Wonk’d, which is coming directly. Read more on Wonk’d: A Soft, Moist, Shapeless Mass of Matter…
 

Wonk’d: Down The Road And Back Again

Behold Harriet Miers, far from Dorothy, Rose, and Sofia, yet smirking all the way to the hearing room. She’s in today’s Wonk’d, along with Mark Foley in the role of the sassy friend with all the best zingers and Barney Frank playing the lovable dummy. Make the jump for these golden girls, plus Rick Santorum as the hateable dummy, Jesse Jackson, Jr. as “the black one,” and one very hungry Stephanie Herseth. Read more on Wonk’d: Down The Road And Back Again…
 

Wonk’d: Rudy Will Sign Buttcheeks If You Just Ask Nicely

This week Rudy Giuliani proves there’s nothing more American than baseball and S&M while Valerie Plame and Kiefer Sutherland blow their covers, and Tucker Carlson just blows. Plus Joe Scarborough, James Carville and everyone’s favorite tequila slurping laborer. Read more on Wonk’d: Rudy Will Sign Buttcheeks If You Just Ask Nicely…
 

Wonk’d: Jimmy Rotten

It’s a fey and foppish week in Wonk’d with John Kerry eating organic, Pat Buchanan feeling ladylike, Dennis Kucinich running down the dream, Christopher Hitchens, uh, drinking, and wittle Kenny Mehlman walking off his lunch. All these dandies, plus a whiff of the week’s biggest asshole’s asshole. Read more on Wonk’d: Jimmy Rotten…
 

Wonk’d: Irrelevancy Interrupted

This week’s Wonk’d features everyone you love to hate: Tom Delay putting giant brown things in his mouth, Anne Coulter taking some good meat, Lynne Cheney staying safe under a brand new helmet, and Rick Santorum just being the whack otis he usually is. If you’d like a lighter mood for Friday afternoon, you’ll also get Howard Dean’s charming cab habit and Martin Sheen in DC for real and not just in your heart. All these lovely tidbits, plus a sign from God that Ralph Nader should probably hang up his wagging finger of shame. Read more on Wonk’d: Irrelevancy Interrupted…
 

Wonk’d: Crispy Twister Sandwich is Its Own Happy Ending

Those interested in the commuting, eating, and theater habits of John Bolton , Evan Bayh, Grover Norquist, and Sam Donaldson will find this week’s Wonk’d to their taste. Those more interested in the handjob “Tucker Carlson” got in a KFC bathroom from one of DC’s famous tranny hookers will also be well served by reading on. Read more on Wonk’d: Crispy Twister Sandwich is Its Own Happy Ending…
 

Wonk’d: Fox and Sanchez, Clean and Dirty

We’ve got more than three amigos for you this week because Wonk’d doesn’t take snow days, even in a celebrity storm like this one: Vicente Fox doing his Borat impersonation, Bill Cosby not eating at Ben’s, Fred Barnes with his head in the ground, and Joe “That’s Right Motherfuckers” Lockhart partying with some girls who are way past wild and into ludicrous, also Ludacris. Read more on Wonk’d: Fox and Sanchez, Clean and Dirty…
 

Wonk’d: First Things, First Lady

This week’s Wonk’d hits close to home, as everyone spotted looks spaced out and bitter. Laura Bush’s face lets George know that if she’s gonna be up early she better have a drink in her hand, and Dennis Kucinich may not need that particular poison, but he’s got his own way to relax. Hillary Clinton and Chuck Schumer party at South East’s most deluxe Chinese joint, George Stephanopoulos shows he has almost mastered the art of exchanging money for goods and services, and Andrew Sullivan pays for WiFi from The Man just to avoid being spotted at the free place down the street, and ends up here anyway. These aggravated big-shots and last week’s douchiness explained — if you can begrudge us another click. Read more on Wonk’d: First Things, First Lady…
 

Wonk’d: Real Congressmen, Fake Cops

There is no coat in the land to protect you from the douche chills that will travel down your spine upon reading Anthony Weiner waxing eloquent about himself to his famous-for-DC-fucking dinner companion. Wary of being caught in a similar scene, Harold Ford Jr. takes his game to the more fertile dating fields of California. Others living up to their reputations this week: Dennis Hastert bangs down some bangers and mash, Joe Lieberman man-dates through Georgetown, and Barack Obama’s teeth throw off the white balance on cameras all over town. All these plus the last two people you’d ever want to see in an emergency, after you cross the police line. Read more on Wonk’d: Real Congressmen, Fake Cops…
 

Wonk’d: Barely Legal

Travesties abound this week as Helen Thomas waits in the cold while waves of taxis pass her by, Clarence Thomas struggles to afford a $15 hamburger, and people still listen to anything Dick Gephardt has to say. All this sadness plus a sighting with a really fishy smell and a touch of Alanis-style irony, after you finish your Zoloft. Read more on Wonk’d: Barely Legal…
 

Wonk’d: The Goose Liver Insurgency Must Be Stopped

Nearly every sighting this week comes from the exact same place, several at the exact same time. Wonkette operatives didn’t even need to use their sharp eyes to spot these old men in a barrel. Apparently, Bistro Bis is the be-seen restaurant du jour. Or maybe it was all along — the closest we come to a power lunch is eating a burrito really fast. But John Kerry, John Bolton, Jon Tester , Jim Lehrer, and Steve Kroft have more discriminating palates. You get all of them, and one Senator too busy working on his abs to respect his elders, by indulging your Mecury-in-retrograde-moon-is-in-the-seventh-house fantasies on the other side of the worm hole. Read more on Wonk’d: The Goose Liver Insurgency Must Be Stopped…
 

Wonk’d: It Ain’t That Cold

It’s a new year in Wonk’d but all the famous-for-dc cats have already broken their resolutions. Laura Bush only made it 3 days before she was back on the sauce, Robert Novak may have been at the happiest place on Earth, but he was still an asshole, and of course there’s Katherine Harris, as you can see, taking to the streets of Florida during the warmest winter ever, in an ankle length fur coat. You get these dandies plus a Member of Congress who loves to stare at members of men, after you unzip. Read more on Wonk’d: It Ain’t That Cold…