Wonkette

This is what would happen if a can of Tab had sex with Barack Obama. [Perez Hilton]

The Associated Press reports that nefarious Pepsi double-agents have been busted for stealing secrets from Coca Cola. They reveal:

The suspects include an executive administrative assistant at Atlanta-based Coke, Joya Williams, who is accused of rifling through corporate files and stuffing documents and a new Coca-Cola product into a personal bag.

After which, presumably, she slogged through three miles of swamp and underbrush, dodged terrifying hails of Orange Crush bullets and fell bleeding and exhausted at the feet of the suspiciously-named Pepsi CFO, Indra K. Nooyi. When the soft-drink world is at war, can any of us feel truly safe? MORE »

• George Washington: Distiller, patriot, capitalist running dog: He was “one of the country’s first successful entrepreneurs, building a whiskey distillery that made the equivalent of $300,000 in two years.” Mt. Vernon is reopening the still in 2007. [WT]
• American University president Benjamin Ladner asked for five mil to “maintain my current living level.” Suggestion from the peanut gallery: “Maybe Ladner can run FEMA!” [WP, DCeiver]
• DC evangelical festival organizers sign up commercial sponsors: “When people see names of companies they know and recognize, it gives them a comfort level.” True — I don’t know about God, but I believe in Coke. (Pepsi is actual sponsor. Heathens.) [WP]
• More MSM attention to the Butterstick controversy! and a suggestion: Naiyou Bao—or “milk-oil dumpling.” Ew. [Washingtonian via BBBS] MORE »