Tag Archives: penthouse

  All your questions answered

Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!

You know, if you're not doing anything else that night LOL
It’s almost here, everyone, it’s almost here! The moment we have all been waiting for (kind of!) comes Thursday night, when the top ten Republican candidates, as chosen by Fox News Science, will show us their junk on live television! Donald Trump is the frontrunner, because a significant percentage of the Republican base is even dumber than the other percentages of the Republican base, and are impressed by loud men who act like they’re overcompensating for small penises and small minds. They’re like, “Awwww, reminds me of Daddy, PBUH.” Except they probably don’t say “PBUH,” because that’s Muslin. Read more on Donald Trump And Nine Other Losers Walk Into A Bar: Your Wonkette Debate Preview!…
  nothing but flowers

Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea

In an exclusive interview with the Daily Mail, Gennifer Flowers reveals that Bill Clinton was the “love of her life,” that they’d be married and living it up today if not for Chelsea, and that Clinton confided to her that Hillary is definitely bisexual. And would you believe this incredible interview just happens to coincide with the launch of Flowers’ new job as a sex columnist? Talk about lucky timing! Read more on Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea…
  i never thought it would happen to me

In What ‘Sex Act’ Was Arnold Schwarzenegger Engaged When Snapped By Bob Guccione’s Camera?

Some of you are old enough to remember a fine man called Bob Guccione Jr Sr. He was an erudite fellow, not at all disgusting or blobby, and he owned the gentlemen’s gazette Penthouse. This exceptional periodical was like Hustler, but with fewer racist cartoons, and it was most famous for its “Penthouse Coliseum,” to which adventurers would write after having completed some grand journey and herculean feat, like boning three nubile coed geishas at the oncet. Guccione, as one does, left a treasure behind after his too-early demise, in the form of a bunch of crap filed carefully away in a New Jersey storage locker. The magnificent haul, discovered and excavated by some hedge fund manager guy, included unpublished nakey pixxx of Madonna* and Lauren Hutton, correspondence with famous gunslinger Dick “Dick” Cheney, and a photograph, seen by the New York Post, of “a young Arnold Schwarzenegger** engaged in what appears to be a sex act.” A sex act!!!! ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER???!!!??? Oh, right. But what kind? Read more on In What ‘Sex Act’ Was Arnold Schwarzenegger Engaged When Snapped By Bob Guccione’s Camera?…
  mormon porn

Prissy Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money

Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has ever loved, in fact. This is why he will take piles of dirty porn money from the publisher of sexy 1970s magazine Penthouse. Which still exists? Read more on Prissy Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money…
  sex fear violence repeat forever

Missouri Lt. Governor Peter Kinder Enjoys Recreational Lady Stalking

Unmarried elected Republican lieutenant governor Peter Kinder loves throwing money at a hot former Penthouse lady reasonably close to his own age. That “scandal” only ranks about a three out of ten because… eh, there’s the “adult lady” part. But is there some fine print? Sure: “[Tammy] Chapman alleges that while she gave the state senator private dances, he would grab her by the shoulders and aggressively try to force her head into his lap. ‘He’d pull me down to his groin — really, really hard, to the point that it hurt me,’ she says.” More scandal-ish! But it’s hardly news that all male Republicans, even closeted ones, are always aroused by spiritual, political, economic and physical violence against women, so it’s not much of an exception as scandals go. Maybe still just a six? NOH WAIT, here it is: creepy red-faced ogre Kinder continued to hang around Chapman’s place of work even after she asked him not to visit and “found her” when she went to another employer and asked her to come live at his condo in order to “snuggle up” with him. That’s Jesus-speak for “sex until your brain bleeds tumors out your ears.” Ding ding ding! Elected official sex fiends never disappoint. Who’s paying for the condo, incidentally? Read more on Missouri Lt. Governor Peter Kinder Enjoys Recreational Lady Stalking…