The Pentagon vowed Friday to pay for any damages incurred when it shoots down that broken satellite of love. Just like it vowed to rebuild Iraq! At least there’s a blueprint this time. [Reuters]

Washington has a plan to save us from the 5,000-pound satellite that will crash back to Earth in a few weeks and kill most Americans: The Pentagon is going to fire a missile at the out-of-control bus-sized piece of toxic space junk! If it works, we might survive until one of the other thousands of satellites crash back to Earth and kill us all. MORE »

Remember that “size of a bus” spy satellite that is now plummeting out of control and will pretty soon smash into Earth, possibly killing off the dinosaurs? The Pentagon now says that the monstrous hunk of space garbage is probably going to hit America — possibly Mexico or Canada, but the government’s karmic probability models say the USA “deserves” it. [The Register/K.C. Star]

Diplohater Condi Rice and more than a dozen intelligence officials “must testify about their conversations with pro-Israel lobbyists, a federal judge ruled Friday in an espionage case.” Two former American Israel Public Affairs Committee lobbyists are being tried for passing on classified Pentagon information to Israeli people. But we assume the judge won’t rule against them, because that would be anti-Semitic. [AP via WP]

Just when exactly did Pentagon top brass start acting like the Fox executives? In an attempt to convince the country that we are winning the war on terror, top officials are cherry-picking higher profile cases over less sexy ones. Hey, just in time for the election! Weird.
Ex-Prosecutor Alleges Pentagon Plays Politics [The Washington Post] MORE »

As has happened so many times throughout history, a powerful military force has decided to act on its own, ignoring the feeble government supposedly in charge of its troops — and this time, that weak, rotten power is Washington! The Marines are planning to leave Iraq, the New York Times reported today, but they haven’t bothered to tell the American government and its ostensible boss of the military, placeholder Secretary of Defense Robert “I wish I was back at Texas A&M” Gates. MORE »

Meet Debra Cagan — “Deputy Assistant Secretary, Coalition Affairs, Global Security Affairs, United States Department of Defense” and new hero of the Bush Administration. What has Robert Gates’ top gal at the Pentagon done to attract the world’s attention beyond dressing in a scary red leather bondage outfit topped off with a white Nazi Iron Cross? She told a group of British MPs how much she hated those goddmaned Iranians, that’s what! MORE »

Remember when that Iraq War was pretty much going to pay for itself — from the $20 billion in annual oil revenues! — and certainly wouldn’t cost the U.S. more than maybe $60 billion, but more likely about $10 billion? Paul Wolfowitz said this in congressional testimony so you know it must’ve been true. And top White House economics guy Lawrence Lindsey must’ve been totally wrong when he guesstimated a $100 billion to $200 billion price tag, because he was fired as soon as he mentioned that to the Wall Street Journal.

Anyway, the White House just demanded another $190 billion on top of the $602 billion Congress has already spent on Iraq (and Afghanistan, whatever that is). We’re almost at $800 billion dollars, people! And you know what that means: Only $200 billion more to Victory! (By the way, U.S. gross domestic product in 2006 was $13 trillion.)

Pentagon seeks $190 bln more for Iraq, Afghanistan [Reuters]

Small company soaks Pentagon for $20 million in “shipping costs” for sending a handful of tiny parts; nobody at DoD noticed for six years. [Bloomberg/Yahoo]

There’s another SURGE going down in Iraq — but this time, American Robots are doing the surging. These special robots appear to be made by the same company that makes those funny round vacuum robots that get caught and then make the sad beep from under your dining room table if the chairs are too close together like they usually are because that’s where the chairs are supposed to go. In other words, this should turn out well. MORE »

Good news, America: With the Pentagon’s sale of thousands of fighter-jet parts that only be used by Iran’s Air Force, there is still hope of a Gulf of Tonkin-style incident to finally start the War Against New Worst Enemy Iran! MORE »