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Tag: pentagon

Really Nice Time: Obama Commutes Chelsea Manning’s Sentence To Time Served Plus A Tiny More

President Obama issued one last burst of commutations for federal prisoners Monday, including a reduction of Chelsea Manning's sentence from 35 years to time served, plus another four months so she can get ready for life after prison. The...

Trump’s Cabinet Brings The Circus To Washington. Wonkagenda for January 10, 2017

Trump's nominee's face the music, Jason Chaffetz is a spiteful cry baby, and Senate Dem's ruin sportsball with a talk-a-thon. Your morning news brief!

Some Idiot Dabbed At Paul Ryan, And Other Stuff. Wonkagenda For Wed., Jan. 4, 2017

The GOP has a REALLY bad day, NAACP protests Jeff Sessions, and Bill O'Reilly hates Hollywood commies! Your morning news brief!

Kellyanne Conway Really Needs A Job! Wonkagenda for Tuesday December 6, 2016

Get in here and read your morning News Brief in your new briefs. Or whatever, we don't judge.
So, about that whole 'civilian control of the military' thing...So, about that whole 'civilian control of the military' thing...

Trump Could Do Worse Than Secretary Of Defense James Mattis. In Fact, It’s Shocking He Didn’t

Donald Trump seems to have almost accidentally found a competent candidate for Secretary of Defense. Maybe.
Exit...exit...gotta find the exit...

Chris Christie Out After Mike Pence Eated All The Trump Transition Planning

Never saw this coming, nope, nope, nope.

Wonkagenda: Tuesday, September 6, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Donald Trump’s Russian Buddies Probably So Excited About Trump’s First Classified Intelligence Briefing!

Could Trump's national security briefing end up leaking state secrets to Russia? MAYBE.
Jack Nicholson

Marines Remove ‘Man’ From Job Titles, Weepy Tough Guys Get Sand In Their Manginas

The Marine Corps will drop the term "man" from a number of job titles. Quite a few manly Marines have gotten surprisingly emotional over this.

Trey Gowdy Accidentally Admits Hillary Clinton Didn’t Benghazi Anyone (Except Vince Foster)

Benghazi investigation chair Trey Gowdy's long, drawlin' roundabout way of saying, 'I apologize to America for wastin' everybody's time for so long, I will leave public service forever and find a job I am better suited for, like makin' taxidermied beavers kiss each other on their purty mouths.'

Obama’s Gay Army Secretary Nominee On Hold, Because Sen. Pat Roberts Is Being A Dick

But Sen. Roberts is being a dick for COMPLETELY unrelated reasons, he says!

Let’s Talk About Salon’s Flaming, Half-Masticated Dick Some More. Your Weekly Top Ten!

OH HEY WONKERS, WHAT IS SHAKING? We are fine, thank you for asking. So, it's Saturday and that means it's time for your weekly Top Ten list, which is all the stories YOU LOVED THE MOSTEST! Maybe you have read them...
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

FBI Obviously In The Tank For Dirty Email Criminal Hillary Clinton

Hot mess zebra twats like H.A. Goodman and Donald Trump have been waiting for the day when the whole presidential campaign changes, when the FBI concludes its investigation of Hillary Clinton's emails and reveals that they are the gateway...

Pentagon Officially Sick Of Your Benghazi Sh*t

By now, we all know what happened that fateful night in Benghazi. Hillary Clinton made FOUR DEAD AMERICANS while she ate bon bons and phone-lesbianed Huma Abedin, because she was home alone THE WHOLE NIGHT that night. She also...

America To Pay Iraqis For Dead Civilians We Definitely Did Not Kill

Not that America has ever inadvertently killed the wrong people -- we only shock and awe the bad guys, don'tcha know -- but that doesn't mean we can't pay a couple grand to some families whose loved ones may have ended...
The giant flags are a bargain compared to the jets, of course

Pentagon Blew Millions On Patriotic Sportsball Displays. Let’s Cut Science Budgets!

Terrific news! You'll be delighted to know the Pentagon doesn't always waste its massive budget on dumb war stuff. Sometimes it wastes parts of it on dumb sportsball stuff, too: roughly $6.8 million to pay for exciting patriotic displays...