Not that we’re going to start believing everything Fox News reports/decides, but you know that Ashley Todd cut-nut ghost-negro racist fantasy that thrilled America for a single night? According to the executive editor of Fox News, America’s White/Poor Family News Channel, “Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.” MORE »

KDKA in Pittsburgh reports this BREAKING NEWS item: “A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed.” Ah HA HA HA HAH HAH. Do not try to bullshit Wonkette, people! It might work on old Gullible McDrudge, but not here. Good work, cut-nut! [KDKA]

Ashley Todd is the brave young patriot Ken and Jim have been writing about nonstop since yesterday evening. She got robbed of her pocket change by an angry dyslexic Negro monster lurking behind a Pittsburgh-area money hole, and then Twittered about it all the way home, and now nobody believes her story because America is still a very sexist nation. This morning we found one billion tips in our inbox containing various sordid revelations regarding this tragic victim. Let’s take a look… MORE »

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Here’s a video by Ashley Todd, the poor McCain volunteer who claims to have been carved up by Barack Obama in Western Pennsylvania, a region where McCain needs as many votes as possible now that he’s tied his entire election hopes to victory in that state. If Ashley’s story holds up, then you obviously shouldn’t vote for Barack Obama now, and we hope she goes to the hospital at some point, just to get those knife carvings looked at. In the meantime, Pittsburgh police should immediately arrest the angry black guy in this video, “The Mean Janitor,” who clearly has had it out for Ashley Todd for some time. [YouTube]

Is this even possible, the lameness of this? Here we have a screenshot of this gal’s Twitter feed, on a college Republicans’ site called “Life In The Field,” presumably about GOP volunteer kids. All 50 of them! Oh and then one of her Twitter buddies says, “i hope @atodd gets caught in her lie.” MORE »

Never mind the murdered black bear covered in Obama signs, the 78-year-old black Baptist preacher and Army veteran whose Obama sign was replaced with a Confederate flag, the mass tire-slashings of cars parked at Obama rallies, or the “Kill him!” and “Terrorist!” chants at Palin’s klan rallies. What this campaign — meaning, “McCain’s campaign” — so desperately needed is an extremely fishy tale of a brave white woman getting mugged by a Black Man who then carves a symbol into her face. Somebody’s been watching too much Twin Peaks on the Netflix …. MORE »

This is like when somebody says “you can’t underestimate the importance of thing X” when they are trying to suggest that in fact you can’t overestimate the importance of that thing, it is so very important. Only this is worse times a million, because John McCain says in two different ways that his proud Western Pennsylvanian supporters are racist rednecks. (The crowd, to their credit, gives a collective “Whaaa?”) Then he makes up for it by saying, twice, that the region is so very patriotic. FETCH THIS GENTLEMAN A PILLOW AND A GLASS OF WARM MILK. [YouTube]

Barack Obama is in a pickle! Much like his best friend, Hillary Clinton, Obama has found himself supporting multiple baseball teams that he doesn’t like at all in order to win evil blood money “swing state” votes. He claims he is first a “White Sox” fan, which was clearly a pander to all white people who despise him, and he played it from the bottom of the deck. But after the White Sox were no longer in contention for the Baseball Championship, he told Pennsylvania voters that he wanted the loser Philadelphia Phillies to win everything. And today he muslimly told Florida voters that he wanted the Tampa Bay “Rays” to win everything. This pirouetting, like most bad things in life, can all be blamed on the Boston Red Sox. MORE »

You must must must watch this video of “The Princess” of the Washington press corps, David Broder, walking around some small Pennsylvania town looking for friends. He knocks on so many doors, but so many people are at work. And so he just keeps on walkin’. Every now and then he meets a nice lady or gentleman. They humor him politely, as one would an old person asking questions about one’s politics. David Broder has literally no idea where he is. [Washington Post]

The only thing “funny” about this latest video clip from a Palin Nuremberg Rally is that it happened in Pennsylvania, where Barack Obama holds a commanding double-digit lead. That’s right, these people will soon be the helpless subjects of a BLACK TERRORIST PRESIDENT, who will tragically extend their miserable lives by ensuring they have health care and social security, while employing their trucknutz-loving adult children on huge New New Deal infrastructure projects in Pennsylvania backwaters just like this one. [YouTube via Alex Balk/Gawker]