pennsylvania
Smile, Pennsylvania, You No Longer Have To Suffer The Agony Of Voting!
Good video, Pennsylvania! Very melting pot and clear-skinned and chipper, we’re sure! There may be a little bit of an omission about how 10 percent of your voting populace won’t get to actually vote under your new voter ID law, but we’re sure if they just show up with the birth certificate and the marriage [...]
Pennsylvania Governor Gives Taxpayers Opportunity To Donate To Shell Oil
Let’s check in on those laboratories of democracy and see what they’re up to, shall we? Restricting abortion access, perhaps? Passing laws against climate change maybe? Or taking some time off of hating women and science to hate immigrants and college students for a change of pace? Oh, here’s a new one: Tom Corbett, governor of [...]
Pennsylvania GOP Now Just Straight Up Electing Actual Curb-Jobbing Nazis
So, Luzerne County, Pennsylvania, new? Oh, just elected an actual neo-Nazi to your GOP Central Committee? Sounds like good times! Let us learn some stuff about Steve Smith (haha, probably not that Steve Smith), who has just been elected to your central committee with the rabid support of totally not racist Teabaggers. Recruited into the [...]
Meet Terrifying Pennsylvania GOP Crime Family ‘The Orie Sisters’
Hey, The Wire, would you like to come back on the television set, but ran out of every kind of scumbag hero society could possibly hold? Have you met Allegheny County’s the Orie sisters, who are all either on trial now or already convicted felons for misusing their state Senate and state Supreme Court offices, [...]
Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog
New York, come on down! Pennsylvania! Connecticut! Rhode Island! DELAWARE! Politico says Scientology founder L. Newton Hubbard has a chance to win in Delaware, but mostly the article is like haha madeyalook! Newt is done. Roasted. On a spit with an apple. Make sure to turn him evenly, to give the skin that lovely crackle. [...]
‘Rick Santorum to Drop Out in Shame Any Day Now’ Rumors Begin in Earnest
Exciting anonymously-sourced rumors have it that lunatic prince Rick Santorum’s staffers are beginning to wander out from the confines of his inmate-ruled insane asylum! Consider this your safety advisory: “One top Republican strategist said he’d seen a surge of postings on Republican job boards from Santorum staffers, and two mid-level staffers told The Hill that [...]
Pennsylvania Governor: Just ‘Close Your Eyes’ During That Mandatory Ultrasound
Governor Tom Corbett, leader of Pennsylvania, where Rick Santorum’s grandfather “dug freedom” so that Rick Santorum could be free to pander to broke and bitter God- and gun-clinging Americans, has determined that a mandatory intentionally traumatic ultrasound of the fetus one is deciding not to keep is no big deal, and one should just “close” [...]
Rick Santorum’s Wife Used To Dig The Pro-Choice Types, We Hear
Sinking political tabloid Newsweek has got a HOT SCOOP on a story that, as usual, broke several years ago, which in this case stars the twentysomething sexytimes of one Karen Santorum née Garver before she met hubby Rick Santorum, all the way back when she was just a wily young nursing student who appeared at [...]
Amazon Using Successful Disposable Human Strategy To Staff Warehouse
Like the rest of you, we have always pictured Amazon’s magical packing and shipping department as a pleasant oversized igloo on the moon full of merry little elves scurrying to and fro among piles of strawberry bon bons and gold ribbons. As it turns out, however, a newspaper investigation reveals that it is actually, hahahahahaha, [...]
Farm Animals Are Latest Things Stealing Jobs from Americans
Here is an interesting development that is occurring in Pennsylvania: it appears that we have been so busy worrying about the Mexicans stealing all the jobs from white people that we forgot to watch out for that other problem, which is livestock stealing jobs from humans. Oops! It is pretty much the creepy sci-fi version [...]
Mitt Romney Visits Abandoned Factory To Spread His Message of Doom
OH HEY, MITTENS. There he is, our weird stale friend Mitt Romney, hanging out in an empty field in front of an old, abandoned factory building. Is that the safest thing for a rich old white guy? No, but that is his campaign strategy! After cruising around the bombed-out parts of Detroit saying it was [...]
DSCC Accuses Pat Toomey of Being Communist Fortune Cookie
Sharron Angle’s not the only one who looks Asian. According to the DSCC, Pennsylvania Sleestak character’s opponent Pat Toomey is a no-good red Chinaman because he supports free trade practices. Was a country of 1.3 billion people just reduced to a gong sound effect, the color red, and a picture of a fortune cookie? Yes, [...]
Palin Fans Quickly Threaten Life of Kid Who Threatened Palin’s Life
Sarah Palin’s hometown newspaper reported last week that America’s Sweetheart got a restraining order against a Pennsylvania teenager who sent her death threats. After learning their baby had been put in a corner, the Sarah Palin Internet swiftly came to her rescue, and now everything is right in the world because this teenager is now [...]
Palin Gets Restraining Order Against Pennsylvania Teen With Shotgun
An Alaska judge has granted Sarah Palin a restraining order against 18-year-old Shawn R. Christy, a guy from Pennsylvania who likes to call and write her and talk about his shotgun. “He had sent her a letter with the proof of a gun purchase, claimed to have had an affair with Palin and wrote, in [...]
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