WASHINGTON, DC, 10:34 PM, MON NOVEMBER 23 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘pennsylvania’

YELLOW-HAIRED MONSTERS

Chris Matthews Mulling Senate Run, Or Raise, Or Something

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Looking chipper!MSNBC blabbermouth Chris Matthews has been running around Washington and Philadelphia like a horny debutante, meeting with fancy Democrats and buying Pennsylvania real estate so that (maybe, possibly, allegedly) he could run for the Senate in 2010. His opponent would be Arlen Specter, a venerable Republican who has been a senator for nearly 30 years, a man who had CANCER, for God’s sake, and still showed up to WORK, without any hair. Will Chris Matthews be that awesome to the people of Pennsylvania? MORE »


SAD OLD PEOPLE

Drunk Pennsylvania Bitter’s Post-Election Rage!

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

NOOOOOBAMAWhile millions of FOX News viewers were busily fantasizing about the inevitable race riots that would leave Oakland, Philly, Detroit, and Chicago in smoking ruins following Barack Obama’s crushing defeat Tuesday night, nobody thought to wonder what would become of the bitter Klingons who might be sad if Barack Obama actually won. Well, here’s your answer: they get drunk and bite people’s noses and then just sort of … fall over. MORE »


ELECTION NITE

Liveblogging Your Transcontinental Voting Returnz

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Every night is beer night!Oh look here is a kindly gent who maybe voted today, wearing his “Dress-Up Overhauls.” With Ohio and Pennsylvania under Obama’s belt, is there any way, mathematically speaking, that John McCain can get elected? Not that “math” and “numbers” are the be-all and end-all of voting, but still… MORE »


LIVEBLOGGING ELECTION NIGHT

Liveblogging The 8:00 (ET!) Wave Of Unimportant Results

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

The only question we have for this latest batch of states is: will Maryland stay in the Democratic column? What? Exactly. Now let’s watch the CNN people eagerly discuss how there will not be projections re: Florida or Pennsylvania for another FIVE AND A HALF YEARS. Roland Martin probably has an interesting take on this!

8:00 — Oh crap on a stick, there are a million projections: Obama — IL, MA, DE, NJ, ME, DC, MD; McCain: TN, OK. No surprises. UPDATE: Liberal MSNBC calls PA for Obama, CNN does not. MORE »


TRICKERY

Vote McCain/Palin, Win Baseball Championships All Over Again!

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Here’s a poster spotted in Philadelphia which claims to have been paid for by the “Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania Victory 2008″ (full size.) These folks at RFCPV2K8 (MEMORIZE IT — QUIZ LATER) are masters of subliminal messaging. “Oh, that’s right, my favorite baseball team won the big game, and this gave me pleasure,” the average voter will say upon encountering this placard. “I will now vote for these two nuts whose names are on the sign next to that of my favorite baseball team.” [Philadelphia Will Do]


IMPORTANT ELECTORAL ANALYSIS

Your Election Eve Update On ‘Polls’!

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

An actual 10,574,901 national and state polls have been conducted today, did you know that? No you didn’t, because you people cannot count that high. So here’s what you “need to know,” according to our fancy data robots at Wonkette. MORE »


WEATHER ALERT

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Who would want to rally with this creepy raindrop anyhow?JOHN McCAIN PUSSES OUT ON RAINY RALLY; OBAMA STAYS: Well ladies and gentlemen, that settles it. Your brave war hero John McCain does not want to hold an outdoor rally in the rain in Pennsylvania, while an hour away, Barack Obama the Hawaiian shark god whips a drenched crowd of 9.000 into an orgiastic frenzy. What is wrong with all these terrible hippies, standing in the rain to listen to some guy talk about hope while his teleprompter breaks. [FOX News]


MATH NUMBERS

Here’s Your ‘Sunday Electoral Map Analysis,’ Lozers!

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

My stars, what a fun Wonkette Weekend we are having! We decided to start posting everyday through the election after you people kept e-mailing us about how we are lazy. Well fine, you’ve got your weekend “phunnies,” lunatics, and it comes at the expense of Jesus sending us to Hell for working on a Sunday, so, um, yeah, there’s that, right? Not that any of you Muslims would understand. HA, we joke, we love posting (??) so much that we will now take a thorough look at the state of the Electoral Map for the first time in a while, for those of you who get off on incomprehensible math-porn. MORE »


THAT'S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE

McCain Campaign Pushed Cut-Nut Mutilation Myth On Media

Friday, October 24th, 2008

Throw away the key.John McCain’s campaign in Pennsylvania pushed the most absurd, unproven version of Ashley Todd’s dingbat Obama-Mugger fantasy to the Pittsburgh media — including the “backwards B means Barack!” nonsense that so thrilled the racists for a few hours last night. Just so we’re clear, let’s say it again: John McCain’s presidential campaign pushed the most incendiary, racially-charged anti-Obama made-up “details” from this crazy GOP gal’s black-assault fever dreams to the Pittsburgh media, which just happened to be the same DRUDGE SIREN MUTILATION talking points delivered to and disseminated by the Drudge Report late Thursday. [Talking Points Memo]


CUT-NUT

Ha Ha Ha: Ashley Todd Taken To Jail

Friday, October 24th, 2008


Oh god, what a bunch of bullshit. Good-bye Forever, Cut-Nut! [KDKA 2]


BITTER TEARS

A Children’s Treasury of Wingnut Reactions to Cut-Nut Ashley Todd Confessing Her Racist Fantasy

Friday, October 24th, 2008

Jebus Wept.Let us go where we always go during our Times of National Crisis: to the wingnut comments of our nation’s proud conservative blogs. These people were obviously very angry last night about how this Negroid Monster Obama Staffer nearly murdered the brave 20-year-old white gal from Texas who was working the McCain phone banks in Pittsburgh and only wanted to drive around the scary “Little Italy” neighborhood looking for an ATM but instead drove right to the very heart of the Obama movement, which is a crackhouse full of 15-feet-tall Kenyan monsters who hunt this wretched ghetto looking for McCain bumper stickers, so they can lightly scratch their symbol, a backwards letter “B,” on the cheeks of their Twittering victims. MORE »