Wonkette

Here’s your Barack Obama, all alone on this giant luxury jet plane, reading his newspapers and perhaps flipping the bird to Hillary, the airplane, and especially the political journalists who are again pretending that Hillary Clinton can “win” the nomination, when she doesn’t have enough votes or delegates to actually do that. Also, taped to the cabin ceiling … a blood-stained towel? [AP Photo]

DON’T PEOPLE HAVE SUBPRIME MORTGAGES TO PAY?: Hillary Clinton’s campaign is somehow en route to raise TEN MILLION SMACKEROONIES between last night’s victory and tonight. [The Page]

If you turn on the Internet and visit any of its websites, you’ll find some guy or gal’s analysis of the Pennsylvania primary results and the future of the election. While there only may be one or two ways to assess the question of “Does an ongoing primary hurt or help the Democrats?”, the Internet’s “Rule of 10 Million” means that there are somehow 10 or 20 million ways to assess it. We’d like to chip into the pot with three of our own, from readers. MORE »

YES SHE CAN’T: Hillary’s big 10% win last night is now down to a 9.2% win, which is only “double digits” if you count the fraction of the percentage. Go Hilz! [Political Wire]

Ancient midget John McCain is the “presumptive GOP nominee,” which is why he continues to struggle in Republican state primaries that nobody else is really paying attention to, because of the Obama-Hillary wrasslin’ match. Last night, the angry old man won just 72.7% of the GOP vote. Mike Huckabee, who dropped out of the race several years ago, still managed an impressive 11.4% — “impressive” to losers like Guiliani and Thompson, at least! But you’ll never guess who came in second place last night. MORE »

Last night Wonkette harassed Hillary campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe, but the audio went out! Now we can have one of those evil contests that people like so much, hurrah: When we asked Terry McAuliffe about Hillary Clinton, what did he say? Best response wins a pot of golden furs.

This morning, millions of sad, youthful Obama voters are waking up and wondering what the hell happened in Pennsylvania. Here’s the scoop, little ones: Pennsylvania’s elderly are so old that they make John McCain look young, and they’re so numerous that you’d think they were still capable of reproduction. In fact, the only state with more elderly residents is Florida, and at least those old people moved there. They want to be in Florida. Meanwhile, old people in Pennsylvania resemble the humble sea cucumber: sessile, rooted, a prisoner of the very earth that nourishes them. Naturally, these people vote for Hillary Clinton. MORE »

No. No. 10 points? That is like a million points in the sense that HILLARY WILL KEEP RUNNING rather than letter us all take VACATIONS on BEACHES away from THIS. Blah blah blah, Hopey done blown it, more pictures below from Satan’s lair. MORE »

Oh hey, it’s Barack Obama, speaking, on the TeeVee, from Indiana, about the results in Pennsylvania. Let’s liveblog this bitch, shall we? MORE »

Well, that happened just like pretty much everybody said it would happen, and Hillary’s once-proud 20% lead is down to a more “manageable” 9%, at the moment, for Mr. Hopeful Obama. As our Jim Newell and Liz Glover roam Hillary’s headquarters looking for either “victory sex” or at least free drinks — or, at the very least, a functional wireless signal from the lady who wants to run the world — let’s keep track of the blather on cable news and the Internets. More importantly, let’s keep drinking and leaving weird comments. MORE »