pennsylvania
Pennsylvania Governor Trying Very Hard To Lose Unemployed Vote: All My State’s Jobless Are Drug Addict Losers
As you know, our running tally of states we do not wish to live in is woefully South-heavy. We’ve had a couple strong Northern contenders but the South keeps rising and rising AGAIN! Today, though, we’ve got one of the original 13 colonies entering our list for a couple good reasons. First, there is no [...]
Utah Lady Arrested For Documenting Animal Abuse Because She Is An Animal Raper Obviously
ALEC, the American Legislative Exchange Council, has been busy passing Stand Your Ground laws and unionbusting laws and putting children in prison laws. You know, your basic “common good.” But it also has a fun new “ag gag” bill it has been peddling around to all the states — like, even California? that is how [...]
1 in 5 Pennsylvania Science Teachers In Evolution Survey Seem Confused About This ‘Science’ Stuff
So, we don’t know just how worried to be about this thing: the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sent a questionnaire to 106 science teachers in Pennsylvania, and we’re not sure whether we should be a little freaked out that 19% of those responding said they believed in creationism and 13% believed in “intelligent design,” or if we [...]
Pennsylvania Town Plan to Curb ‘Disorderly Conduct’ Includes Evicting Battered Women
Gosh. Norristown, Pennsylvania seems like it must be a real nice place to live what with its strict schoolmarm rule against “disorderly behavior.” In order to be fair, however, the rule applies not only to those who perpetrate “disorderly behavior” but also to those who might happen to be victims of it. Best legal system [...]
Meet This Nice GOP Pennsylvania Mayor Who Tried To Rape A Young Man At Gunpoint
Well, we tried to bring you the story of a Democratic mayor who false-imprisoned a dude to make him do sex at him, and then fired one of his THREE guns into a wall or a bunch of newspapers or something, The Paper-styley. We tried to do this, since we got our tip from some [...]
Attorney General Eric Holder Trying To Murder All The Homeschoolers (Again)
Oh, United States Attorney General Eric Holder. Why do you insist on being so terrible about things both real and imaginary? In this specific case what we are about to tell you about, why are you trying to deny a German family asylum based on their claim that Germany won’t let them homeschool? Why are [...]
Please To Put Armed Guards Outside All Pennsylvania Churches Too, Also
You mighta heard that the NRA had a “press conference” today, except it was not really a “conference,” so much, because the NRA guy Wayne Whatshisfucker just talked for a while and then left. His point, though, was made: If you love your kids so much, guard them with guns. We guard banks, he said, [...]
Totally Innocent, Not At All Terrible Republican Poll-Watchers Getting Booted In Philly
Chaos in Philadelphia! CHAOS! They are ejecting GOP poll-watchers left and right, for no reason! Twitchy tells us all about it, in a style quite fitting to the website’s name. “Are the dirty tricks starting already?” they wonder, before the breathless, context-free revelation of “GOP poll inspector physically assaulted,” which definitely happened the way it [...]
Pennsylvania Reports Voter Intimidation From … REPUBLICANS?!?
So you know that huge terrifying black man we told you about, who is harassing old white ladies by opening the door for them? That’s called “voter intimidation,” and it’s practiced by minorities and the United Nations and tricky Democrats, because they don’t want to play by the rules, they can’t help it, they’re just [...]
Watch This Voting Machine Hilariously Refuse To Accept A Vote For Barack Obama (Probably Because It Is Racist)
Ahem. I initially selected Obama but Romney was highlighted. I assumed it was being picky so I deselected Romney and tried Obama again, this time more carefully, and still got Romney. Being a software developer, I immediately went into troubleshoot mode. I first thought the calibration was off and tried selecting Jill Stein to actually [...]
Sad Republicans Will Be Unable To Steal Pennsylvania
Hey, remember that guy who bragged that the state of Pennsylvania would go for Miffed Romney — despite an unprecedented 142 percent polling gap — because they had implemented voter ID? It’s done, he said, and in tones similar to the whole Diebold “we are committed to delivering the state of Ohio for George W. [...]
Pennsylvania Voter ID Sponsor Simply Does Not Care For Lazy 47% ID-Less Bums
We handily explained Pennsylvania’s voter ID law to you earlier this week, so we will make that up to you by informing you of someone being a shithead about the whole thing. You see, hundreds of thousands of otherwise eligible Pennsylvania voters may not be able to get IDs, and there is a reason for [...]
Wonkette’s Handy Explainer Of Pennsylvania’s Voter ID Supreme Court Case, With Dick Jokes
Yesterday, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court voted 4-2 (with IDs???) to send the challenge to the Pennsylvania voter ID law back to the lower state court that found the law was constitutional. The Supreme Court told Commonwealth Court Judge Robert Simpson that he must put the voter-ID law on hold if he determines that it will [...]
Yet Another GOP Senate Candidate Says Something About Rape
New Rule of Politics: If you’re a Republican running for Senate, just never talk about sex or anything related to it. You will do better pretending storks bring babies to worthy parents and/or welfare applicants.
Pennsylvania Judge: Voter ID Law Might Not Disenfranchise Like 700,000 Poor People, So, Upheld!
Pennsylvania passed a new voter ID law without an actual reason why they needed it, which led to the meanies at the ACLU suing because they hate partial democracy with largely arbitrary requirements. Today, a Pennsylvania state judge upheld the law. Commonwealth Judge Robert Simpson said the individuals and civil rights groups challenging the law [...]
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