pennsylvania

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you a bunch of stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were far too stupid to ignore altogether. Apply alcohol directly to your central processing unit as needed. Or your computer’s. For the second week in a […]

You’ve probably already heard about the awful attack at Franklin High School in Murrysville, Pennsylvania; 20 people injured, four of them critically, and a suspect, a 16-year-old male sophomore, is in custody. It’s not clear how many of the injuries directly resulted from the knife; some may have also occurred while kids were trying to […]

You know what a fate worse than death would be? Paying the fry cook at your local McBurgerQueen slightly more than the shitty wage she is earning today. Weeper of the House John Boehner would rather kill himself than see hardworking Americans be able to earn a living wage. Per The Hill: Speaker John Boehner […]

Mitt Romney’s chances of winning Pennsylvania’s electoral votes were dealt a serious blow on Friday as a Commonwealth Court judge issued a permanent injunction against the enforcement of PA’s strict voter ID law. In the ruling, Judge Bernard L. McGinley noted that, despite compelling evidence that the law would disenfranchise hundreds of thousands of eligible voters, […]

It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything from Uberpatriot Mark Kessler, the indefinitely-suspended police chief of Gilberton, Pennsylvania. As you recall, he created a bit of a stir last summer when he posted several videos of himself bravely shooting photographs of Nancy Pelosi and calling for “cleansing” U.S. America of liberals and liberal news […]

Heath Campbell, the neo-Nazi asshat who made headlines a few years back when a supermarket refused to inscribe the name of his then-3-year-old son, “Adolf Hitler Campbell,” on a birthday cake, is back in business being a free speech martyr, contending that his brand-new baby daughter, Eva Braun Campbell, was taken by New Jersey child […]

We’re back in the Wonkette Bunker O’Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound that we reserve for stories about guns and the wonderful people who fondle them. And as usual, we have some inspiring tales of proud Americans protecting their lives and property from threats foreign and domestic — mostly domestic, as all […]

As usual, please resist the urge to hurl your computer across the room. Today, we have a pair of horrible people who have (ALLEGEDLY) done terrible things: A former county Republican Party chair who resigned shortly before being charged with raping a paralegal after an office party. A mall Santa who has been charged with […]

Happy Saturday, Wonkaroonies, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, where we stomp on a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on, to squeeze out whatever funny may still be in them. If the mixture tastes a little off, add booze. […]

Damn kids these days, with their rock ‘n roll devil music and their whip-its (wait, is that still a thing?), and their bracelets to raise awareness about breast cancer. The court battle between two girls and their Pennsylvania school over “I (heart) Boobies!” bracelets could be settled by the U.S. Supreme Court. The Easton Area […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, that weekly big ball of wadded-up idiocy from our inbox that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn’t quite merit a full-length Wonket post. Up first, a quick visit to that land of fiscal restraint, North Carolina, where Gov. Pat McCrory presided over a 2013 legislative […]

Before you read this story, you may want to make sure you secure any heavy objects nearby, so that you won’t hurl them through your computer monitor. From the Philadelphia City Paper, just one more example of what happens when you make government small enough to drown in a bathtub: Children will die. Sixth-grader Laporshia […]

Here’s your government shutdown feel-good-ish story for the day: thanks to the shutdown, a KKK rally planned for Saturday at the Gettysburg National Military Park has been cancelled. A Philadelphia TV station reports that when the shutdown began, the park rescinded all permits for special events; among the events cancelled was a Saturday march by […]

The Superintendent and the Director of Athletics and Activities for the Coatesville Area School District in Pennsylvania both “unexpectedly resigned” during the first week of school this year. Turns out that they had been trading racist texts on their school-provided phones for most of the summer. Not the sort of stupid Obama-as-a-witch-doctor kind of thing […]

You probably remember Gilberton, Pennsylvania, police chief and rejected Wonkette contributor Mark Kessler, the gentleman who expected to be silenced because of his principled, heavily armed stand against a paper picture of Nancy Pelosi and his obscenity-peppered warnings about libtards? Turns out he was kind of a prophet (or could just see the blindingly obvious), because […]