Some Pennsylvania state Senate staffer for a very conservative Republican Lawmaker (making this “political news”) was arrested last Friday for trying to have panda furry sex with a young teenage boy. Now monstrous child-raping is not funny, but hey, they never *did* anything, so let us feel free to laugh at the hilarious details, as published in a newspaper. MORE »

A pervert in Pennsylvania has been arrested. HOORAY FOR FRIDAY NEWS! Alan David Berlin, 40, and longtime staffer in the Pennsylvania state Senate, was charged Thursday for being a terrible panda furry who loved teenage boys so, so much. But is he only a panda furry? MORE »

WELL THAT IS CERTAINLY ONE WAY TO RAISE MONEY FOR A CAMPAIGN: History proves that there is no faster way to accumulate quick cash than by setting up a cocaine ring. (Thanks to “Dip from Philly” for the tip.) [Politics PA]

Noooo this is not fair to poor Arlen Specter, who debased and humiliated himself by switching over to the Democrat party and cavorting with filthy hedonists like Earth, Wind and Fire in exchange for a permanent Senate sinecure. In fact Joe Biden agreed to personally mash the reproductive organs of anybody who dared mount a primary campaign against Specter. But looky here, Democratic Rep. Joe Sestak is apparently writing fundraising letters to his “dear supporters” to let them know that yes, he intends to run for the Senate against Specter. Scandal! [TPM DC]

WHY? Why, Tom? Why do you refuse to run for the Senate when you have already served in the House and as governor of Pennsylvania and even the First Dauphin of the Terrorism Rainbow? Because, says Tom, this was “a difficult personal decision.” Well, that clears it up! [MSNBC]

• TOM RIDGE ALSO TOO SCARED OF PENNSYLVANIA REPUBLICANS: The few Republicans who actually want to have representation in the United States Senate are screwed yet again, as their best chance in the 2010 Pa. Senate general election, popular moderate abortion lover Tom Ridge, will not run. As with Arlen Specter, Ridge was shown trailing the “Real American” candidate Pat Toomey in potential primary match-up polls, so why even bother with that shit. [Ben Smith]

• AWFUL DEMOCRATS WILL NOT IMMEDIATELY CROWN ARLEN SPECTER: It seems some psychopaths in the Left Wing didn’t get the fucking memo (as shouted by Joe Biden) that NO ONE IS TO RUN AGAINST ARLEN SPECTER for the 2010 Democratic nomination for the Senate, and now Glenn Greenwald has something new to go insane over. [NYT/The Caucus]

On Tuesday, Arlen Specter shocked America’s unions by switching sides on the Employee Free Choice Act and promising he would vote “no” if it ever came to a vote, on which he may have been the filibuster-breaking vote, thereby most likely killing the legislation for at least this year. In response, Joe the Plumber has organized a “grassroots” tour across Pennsylvania next week in which he will demand Arlen Specter promise to vote “no” on the Employee Free Choice Act. It’s almost as if Joe the Plumber does not follow the news! ALMOST. MORE »

Back before Larry Craig ruined it for everyone, being a senator was cool. You got to hang out with famous Washington hookers and drink single-malt scotch in smoky underground caves with Helen Thomas! But now the Senate is just a disgraceful purgatory for closeted homosexuals who are too young to retire and too old to go on “Dancing with the Stars.” Plus, as Al Franken has discovered, there’s all that hassle associated with getting elected, or, as Caroline Kennedy/Roland Burris/your mom can attest, the hassle of getting appointed. That’s why it appears that two fairly famous people who had sort of hinted at a Senate run will probably not run after all. MORE »

MSNBC blabbermouth Chris Matthews has been running around Washington and Philadelphia like a horny debutante, meeting with fancy Democrats and buying Pennsylvania real estate so that (maybe, possibly, allegedly) he could run for the Senate in 2010. His opponent would be Arlen Specter, a venerable Republican who has been a senator for nearly 30 years, a man who had CANCER, for God’s sake, and still showed up to WORK, without any hair. Will Chris Matthews be that awesome to the people of Pennsylvania? MORE »

While millions of FOX News viewers were busily fantasizing about the inevitable race riots that would leave Oakland, Philly, Detroit, and Chicago in smoking ruins following Barack Obama’s crushing defeat Tuesday night, nobody thought to wonder what would become of the bitter Klingons who might be sad if Barack Obama actually won. Well, here’s your answer: they get drunk and bite people’s noses and then just sort of … fall over. MORE »