Wonkette

OMG Obama’s first general election ad. In case the reality of this election hasn’t fully sunk in for you yet, this ad should do it: every second of the next 4.5 months will be Barack Obama trying to convince old white Democratic-leaning voters in western Pennsylvania that he doesn’t want to blow up their houses in the name of Allah and/or O.J. Simpson. This election will literally be about that and nothing else. [YouTube]

Huzzah, here are some new fake polling results from Quinnipiac today: Obama 47, McCain 43 in Florida; Obama 48, McCain 42 in Ohio; Obama 52, McCain 40 in Pennsylvania. Now Obama will be president for life and McCain will be banished to Mongolia to start a new life as “Maverick of the Yaks.” [The Page]

The biggest investigative report during the endless Pennsylvania primary run-up involved Barack Obama bowling with some Bitters and Sen. Bob Casey, where he rolled a pathetic 37. He was so distraught over his big city fairy’s performance that he stopped campaigning altogether and played basketball — at which he excels — instead. But the man has demons, demons that require a focused purging, and that is why he now plans on destroying the White House bowling alley and replacing it with a court for his game, which, again, is basketball. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Are you tired of Pennsylvania primary news, now that it’s over? Ha ha, just kidding, obviously you were tired of it weeks and weeks before it even happened. Nevertheless, we feel that the following cartoons about America’s favorite “Keystone State” will help bring a sense of closure to this dark period in our lives, and get you ready for the next stage, which will involve wishing you never, ever heard the word “Indiana.” MORE »

Remember how Barack Obama lost the great state of Pennsylvania because he was too busy eating his Hamas waffles to explain why he’s in league with the terrorists? What you might not know is that he made his dickish, wheedling plea to “let me eat my waffles” through a mouthful of those same waffles he purported not to be able to eat. (He is a contemptible liar.) Watch Mumbly Joe Obama totally ducking important foreign policy questions, and eating waffles, in this video. And then see this other less good video of exactly the same thing after the jump! MORE »

Here’s your Barack Obama, all alone on this giant luxury jet plane, reading his newspapers and perhaps flipping the bird to Hillary, the airplane, and especially the political journalists who are again pretending that Hillary Clinton can “win” the nomination, when she doesn’t have enough votes or delegates to actually do that. Also, taped to the cabin ceiling … a blood-stained towel? [AP Photo]

DON’T PEOPLE HAVE SUBPRIME MORTGAGES TO PAY?: Hillary Clinton’s campaign is somehow en route to raise TEN MILLION SMACKEROONIES between last night’s victory and tonight. [The Page]

If you turn on the Internet and visit any of its websites, you’ll find some guy or gal’s analysis of the Pennsylvania primary results and the future of the election. While there only may be one or two ways to assess the question of “Does an ongoing primary hurt or help the Democrats?”, the Internet’s “Rule of 10 Million” means that there are somehow 10 or 20 million ways to assess it. We’d like to chip into the pot with three of our own, from readers. MORE »

YES SHE CAN’T: Hillary’s big 10% win last night is now down to a 9.2% win, which is only “double digits” if you count the fraction of the percentage. Go Hilz! [Political Wire]

Ancient midget John McCain is the “presumptive GOP nominee,” which is why he continues to struggle in Republican state primaries that nobody else is really paying attention to, because of the Obama-Hillary wrasslin’ match. Last night, the angry old man won just 72.7% of the GOP vote. Mike Huckabee, who dropped out of the race several years ago, still managed an impressive 11.4% — “impressive” to losers like Guiliani and Thompson, at least! But you’ll never guess who came in second place last night. MORE »