Tag: penises

Silvio Berlusconi Attaching Penises To Ancient Italian Statues, With Magnets

Italy's culture ministry on Friday defended Premier Silvio Berlusconi for giving ancient marble statues in his office replacement body parts, to the horror of art restorers. The ministry, which is led by a close ally of the premier, said in...

Another Story In the Saga of TSA Feeling Up Jeffrey Goldberg’s Cock

I pointed out to the security officer that 50 percent of the American population has no balls (90 percent in Washington, D.C., where I live), so what is going to happen when the pat-down officer meets no resistance in...

Bulge In George W. Bush’s Pants Means 9/11 Is Just Around the Corner!

Look what your favorite ex-president put up on his Facebook page today, ladies! According to tradition, when the George W. Bush 9/11 boner sees its shadow, that means six more weeks of 9/11. Hooray! Also, haha, Fox & Friends'...

While We Sit Around Yelling About Mosques, Our Moon Is SHRINKING

The Moon: it's America's moon! We put our flag there, and thus according to the international legal principles of "firsties" and "fuck off, we're using it," it is OURS. But according to NASA, the Moon is shrinking. SHUT UP,...

Al Gore Is Super Excited For Everyone To Hear About His Groping, Also He Likes Porn a Lot

Police in Portland have announced they are re-re-opening the investigation into that time Al Gore allegedly groped a masseuse at a hotel four years ago. Third time's the charm when it comes to cock-grabbing incidents, apparently. As for Gore,...

Body Parts And Bodily Functions

By the Comics CurmudgeonYou would be forgiven if you assumed that the members of our political class were terrible killer cyborgs, sent from the future to kill us all, with skeletons and organs made from metal and plastic. Or...

Today In ‘Great Action Scenes From Obama’s Book’

In today's installment, we remember The Slaughter of The Cock: "I watched the man set the bird down, pinning it gently under one knee, and pulling its neck out across a narrow gutter. For a moment the bird struggled,...

Schindler’s Lust