penises

Good news, Wonkanovas! It seems that being a perv who enjoys sending unsolicited pics of your block-and-tackle to any woman who so much as looks at you is no impediment to finding a hot young thang to settle down with! This is a relief to yr lonely-hearted blogger, who will shortly sext every woman in […]

This morning we learned about Todd Kincannon, a sensitive former executive director of the South Carolina GOP. We learned that he loves to say on Twitter that Travyon Martin deserved to be put down like a rabid dog, and also that if he had grown up (which of course he did not) he would have […]

Guns don’t kill penises, people kill penises: A security guard is hospitalized in the city of San Fernando in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago after accidentally discharging his weapon and shooting off his penis. According to the Trinidad and Tobago Guardian, the unnamed 33-year-old man was carrying a .38 caliber handgun in his pocket […]

Science, you guys, science is revealing all sorts of terrible mysteries about the modern world. And not just the liberal kind of mysteries, like about how all the animals are dying and the ice is melting and whatever; no, it’s also revealing tough, conservative facts, like the fact that human penises are on average 10 […]

Thank Jeebus that growing (medicinal) pot is legal in Arizona. Because if you have half a brain, you pretty much have to be stoned 24/7 in order to live there. Now, if you happen to be a woman with a brain AND an active libido, you might as well high-tail it right outa Dodge. Because […]

The Susan G. Komen Foundation has been so busy trying to abort their corporate image and stem the (menstrual) flow of their profits, they may have forgotten to do the proper amount of VETTENING of their spanking new breast-saving partner for the Susan G. Komen Uzbekibekibekistan Race for the Cure, a certain delightful dicatator’s daughter […]

[Robert] Caro has learned about Johnson’s rages, his ruthlessness, his lies, his bribes, his insecurities, his wheedling, his groveling, his bluster, his sycophancy, his charm, his kindness, his streak of compassion, his friends, his enemies, his girlfriends, his gofers and bagmen, his table manners, his drinking habits, even his nickname for his penis: not Johnson, […]

Yes, a lot of dicks appear on Fox News. But it’s unusual for a literal, anatomical penis to make to air on this teevee channel for families (70-year-old white people with bloodlust). In the background of that Megyn Kelly interview we posted yesterday, a man in a suit standing behind Weiner across the Capitol Rotunda […]

Italy’s culture ministry on Friday defended Premier Silvio Berlusconi for giving ancient marble statues in his office replacement body parts, to the horror of art restorers. The ministry, which is led by a close ally of the premier, said in a statement there’s no cause for alarm: The hand added to Venus and the penis […]

Look what your favorite ex-president put up on his Facebook page today, ladies! According to tradition, when the George W. Bush 9/11 boner sees its shadow, that means six more weeks of 9/11. Hooray!

The Moon: it’s America’s moon! We put our flag there, and thus according to the international legal principles of “firsties” and “fuck off, we’re using it,” it is OURS. But according to NASA, the Moon is shrinking. SHUT UP, NASA. Our moon is fine. Every country we’ve ever shown it to says so. You know, […]

Police in Portland have announced they are re-re-opening the investigation into that time Al Gore allegedly groped a masseuse at a hotel four years ago. Third time’s the charm when it comes to cock-grabbing incidents, apparently. As for Gore, did you expect him to offer No Comment on this? YOU GUESSED WRONG. Al Gore is […]

By the Comics Curmudgeon You would be forgiven if you assumed that the members of our political class were terrible killer cyborgs, sent from the future to kill us all, with skeletons and organs made from metal and plastic. Or perhaps you believe them to be terrible hell-demons, with skin made out of scales wrapped […]

In today’s installment, we remember The Slaughter of The Cock: “I watched the man set the bird down, pinning it gently under one knee, and pulling its neck out across a narrow gutter. For a moment the bird struggled, beating its wings hard against the ground, a few feathers dancing up with the wind. Then […]