Good question, CNN. It looks like Republican Santa will let that little boy discover the answer firsthand. We do not care to watch the filthy video. [CNN, thank you tipster "Adam G."]

John McCain visited an oil rig today, now that the weather’s cleared up. On this oil rig he talked about, well we don’t know, maybe how he refuses to endorse Congress’ energy bill compromise? And then some DNC mole started handing out this “kit” to reporters on the scene. As you can see, the kit can be arranged into a cock-and-balls sort of arrangement. The black oil barrel in the middle is actually a stress toy. So when you are angry you can squeeze it as you would John McCain’s stubby black cock. [Political Wire, The Trail]

• DC Cops still believe arresting murderers who purchase Swedish made penis enlargers with stolen credit cards ain’t in their job description. [Velvet In Dupont]

• Not that it matters — in DC you can stack papers with out ever looking at the stack of paper on your desk. [Cut DC Taxes]
• There’s even money to be made selling tourists a little piece of the pretending-to-work culture. [Are Seven]
• Sorry hippie, these blurbs on the mayoral candidates won’t mean shit to you unless you’re a registered Democrat. [Til Human Voices Wake Us, And We Drown]
• Is it hot in here? Or is Obama talking about STD’s again? [ An Orange County Girl]
• In junior high, calling it a “needle” was an insult. [Grace's Poppies]

• It’s not functional alcoholism unless you still have all your items in the morning. [Craigslist; Craigslist]

• Dispelling the myth of the penis cookie: it’s not funny “ha ha,” it’s just funny, “eh eh.” [Rock Creek Rambler]
• We never met a “boozehound blogger” we didn’t like. [Circumlocutor]
• The ghost of boozehound blogger future might change that. [Why I Hate DC]

• Ken Lay predicted his own death! Just like Biggie Smalls and Martin Luther King! [Consumerist]

• Unless he didn’t, and is in Fiji right now. One of the two. [Dealing In Subterfuges]
• The name of the Dong. [Andrew Sullivan]
• We must reduce our dependence on foreign sources of kimchi! [Rude Cactus]
• Harold Ford of Tennessee - corruption so deep even Reuters can’t find it. [Sweetness & Light]
• James Wolcott is all about red meat and illegal fur - but draws the line at Honduran hookers. [James Wolcott]
• The lower you go in the Hookergate investigation the shadier the characters get. [TPM Muckraker]

Up to this point, we’ve been enthusiastic supporters of Rep. Jack Kingston’s forays into the world of new media — his homemade videos on YouTube, his interns’ liveblogging during the Rayburn gunfire scare, etc. MORE »

* Soledad O’Brien: Wednesday’s “Hump Day Hussy.” [Evil Discussor] MORE »

* “That motherfucker George Washington had like thirty god damn dicks.” [Drink at Work] MORE »

Here’s a clearer image of what one of you brilliantly dubbed the Iowa Water Schlong. Click on the thumbnail to engorge enlarge. Happy Friday! MORE »

Patience, young Jedis. We’ll have something up about Dogcrapgate momentarily. How could we not weigh in on something like that? MORE »

* Because short stretches of asphalt are just like children — the beat-down Dupont Circle underpass will be rehabbed, and good as new, in nine months. [Free Ride] MORE »