Sure, all you ladies are boo-hoo-hooing over the fact that you can’t have birth control any more, but all is not lost. Monday also brought us a historic ruling that ensures that, at least in New York, you are free to bellow about Howard Stern’s penis on television all you want. And isn’t that what […]

Vance McAllister has allegedly kissed his own staff! Wow, way to go Stretch! No, we are joking, we know Vance McAllister didn’t finally master yoga’s forbidden Contented Dog, he was merely allegedly kissing a lady he shouldna been kissing. Yes, a kissing scandal. You probably have to go back to the first Cleveland administration to […]

Dwight D. Eisenower is the president who most resembles a penis. Just kidding, it’s George Washington. Barack Obama looks kind of like a penis if you blur your eyes. Maybe he is the third or fourth most penis-looking president. Oh hello! We were just talking to ourselves about which presidents look like penises, and ranking them. […]

Today, students, I would like you to begin work on an essay titled, “Why Is The United States Not Engaged In A Great Civil War?” You will need to cite the following examples of disparate U.S. American cultural values, and explain why these have not led to flaming barricades of death a la Kiev, Ukraine: […]

An unidentified 66-year old municipal official had to have his penis surgically removed after injuries sustained when he “enthusiastically overdosed on Viagra,” according to doctors. Just in case anything else in the story could be thrown in to make it sound completely fake, the afflicted gentleman is said to be a former member of the […]

Science, you guys, science is revealing all sorts of terrible mysteries about the modern world. And not just the liberal kind of mysteries, like about how all the animals are dying and the ice is melting and whatever; no, it’s also revealing tough, conservative facts, like the fact that human penises are on average 10 […]

Yesterday Joe Biden was yakkin’ about foreign policy at NYU and said, “I promise you, the President has a big stick. I promise you.” All of the students laughed at this, because, ha ha, penis. Yes, that’s what they were laughing at, John Bolton. They were not cracking up at the perceived irony of this […]

Ben Quayle — Ben son of Dan — is a congressman or something from Arizona maybe, nobody knows because it is not important. He is also very excellent at right-wing talking points, which you can tell from this letter he wrote. Yesterday the President made another campaign stop disguised as a policy speech to tout […]

Congress is still in session for about 60 seconds a day just to do things like pass a resolution extending the funding for the FAA and  block recess appointments, both of which are politically important/ newsworthy but neither of which hold much political comedy. But it has been a whole 3 or 4 days without […]

VULGARIANS  3:04 pm January 8, 2010

by Jim Newell

SOMEONE SAID ‘PENIS’ SO HERE IS A POST ABOUT IT: James Carville is so excited to pass through possible heightened airport security checks: “Let me buy a [security] pass … so that they can scan me and and search me and measure my penis, then let me get on the plane.” Everyone in the TSA […]