Tag: penis

awww

Hey, Gray Lady, Whatcha Thinkin’ About? ‘Oh, You Know, Clinton Stuff.’

The New York Times added another couple of items to its impressive Crapping on the Clintons archive.
Will this fossil find be retconned into the Spider-Man mythos?

Scientists Aroused By 99-Million-Year-Old Spider Boner: Your Saturday Nerdout

Hope you kids are ready for some full-on nerding today, because it is Saturday and we have news that brings together two of the best topics possible: Science and sexxytimes. Oh, sure, the sexxytimes involve arachnids, but that was...
Any questions?

Gentleman Discharges Gun In Pants, Goes To Emergency Room Half-Cocked

A Second Amendment Hero in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, accidentally shot himself in the peen earlier this month, then lied to police about the negligent discharge, initially claiming that he had been injured in the aforementioned naughtybits by "a...
Lower yourself down gently, gently!

Wingnut Tennessee Rep Lady Named ‘Butt’ Has Dick All Over New Campaign Logo

Tennessee state Rep. Sheila Butt is an asshole, and her new campaign logo looks like a vertically erect cock in the process of opening fire, and she is promoting it with the hashtag #StandWithSheila. IN YOUR PANTS! Butt is one of...
Everybody ride that dinosaur

Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive’: Your Florida Roundup

Thrillist, which is a website you would read if you didn’t spend every waking moment not already set aside for 8-balls and hookers staring lovingly Yr Wonket, puts together these dumb lists every now and again, as websites do....

All About the D*cks: Your Florida Roundup

Of course the first person to receive a dick-reduction surgery hails from the state that looks like a dick. Of course he does. The unnamed 17-year-old, whom we’ll call Richard, was apparently … how to say? … wider than...

Free Speech Hero Wins Victory Ensuring You Can Always Talk About Howard Stern’s Penis On Television

Sure, all you ladies are boo-hoo-hooing over the fact that you can't have birth control any more, but all is not lost. Monday also brought us a historic ruling that ensures that, at least in New York, you are...

Wonkette After Dark: Vance McAllister’s Romance McFailister, Miley Pelosi, & More!

Vance McAllister has allegedly kissed his own staff! Wow, way to go Stretch! No, we are joking, we know Vance McAllister didn't finally master yoga's forbidden Contented Dog, he was merely allegedly kissing a lady he shouldna been kissing....

Wonkette After Dark: Which President Most Resembles A Penis? And More!

Dwight D. Eisenower is the president who most resembles a penis. Just kidding, it's George Washington. Barack Obama looks kind of like a penis if you blur your eyes. Maybe he is the third or fourth most penis-looking president. Oh hello!...

Thought Experiment: Do These Two States Exist In The Same Country?

Today, students, I would like you to begin work on an essay titled, "Why Is The United States Not Engaged In A Great Civil War?" You will need to cite the following examples of disparate U.S. American cultural values,...

Colombian Politician Deliberately Overdoses On Boner Pills, Loses Caucus

An unidentified 66-year old municipal official had to have his penis surgically removed after injuries sustained when he “enthusiastically overdosed on Viagra,” according to doctors. Just in case anything else in the story could be thrown in to make...

At Last, Rush Limbaugh Knows Who To Blame For His Tiny Penis

Science, you guys, science is revealing all sorts of terrible mysteries about the modern world. And not just the liberal kind of mysteries, like about how all the animals are dying and the ice is melting and whatever;...

No, John Bolton, They Were Just Laughing At A Dick Joke

Yesterday Joe Biden was yakkin' about foreign policy at NYU and said, "I promise you, the President has a big stick. I promise you." All of the students laughed at this, because, ha ha, penis. Yes, that's what they...

Here Is A Story About Ben Quayle With A Potato That Looks Like A Penis

Ben Quayle -- Ben son of Dan -- is a congressman or something from Arizona maybe, nobody knows because it is not important. He is also very excellent at right-wing talking points, which you can tell from this letter...

What Is Harry Reid’s Member Doing Still Hanging Around Congress?

Congress is still in session for about 60 seconds a day just to do things like pass a resolution extending the funding for the FAA and  block recess appointments, both of which are politically important/ newsworthy but neither of...

SOMEONE SAID 'PENIS' SO HERE IS A POST ABOUT IT: James Carville is so excited to pass through possible heightened airport security checks: "Let me buy a pass ... so that they can scan me and and search...