Tag Archives: penguins

  The similarities are EERIE

Congressmuffin Aaron Schock: I, Like Abe Lincoln, Am No Longer In Congress

This is how I felt after I freed the slaves!
The House Of Representatives is going into recess for two weeks, which means that ethically challenged CongressCheeks Aaron Schock had to do to his “So Long, Farewell” speech a few days early. Schock had previously promised to resign effective March 31, since the feds have started Just Asking about the various private planes, Katy Perry shows, and romance trips to India that Schock seems to have been spending taxpayer money on. Speaking to the House floor on Thursday, Schock said the usual blah blah about how he was grateful for the opportunity to serve the people in Peoria, God has a plan, etc. He stated that The Good Book (didn’t specify which, probably one of Martha Stewart’s guides to Good Things)┬ásays that “before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” He did not add, “and you looked FABULOUS!” Read more on Congressmuffin Aaron Schock: I, Like Abe Lincoln, Am No Longer In Congress…
  on the pole

Science: Gay Hooligan Penguins Rape Dead Lady Penguins

We are sorry, but we now must apologize for every time we laughed at One Million Moms and the American Family Association and every mean old preacher and 14-year-old shock jock who has ever called for queers to get dumped into concentration camps. It turns out gay penguins love nothing more than to rape dead lady penguins, it is just a fact. Therefore also too, that P-E-N-I-S lady about whom we actually felt bad, because she was actually schizophrenic, was also one hundred percent correct about gays loving to sex the dead. (Probably not the rest though, because schizophrenia.) Yessir, we now have proof, in the form of 100-year-old explorers’ logs, about all the necrophiliac rape-rape penguins just love to do. Read more on Science: Gay Hooligan Penguins Rape Dead Lady Penguins…
  but do the penguins get a toaster?

Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?

Madrid, Spain, is the location for all those disgusting Pedro Almodovar movies about nuns and transvestites and nun-transvestites, and pregnant nuns caring for junkie transvestites. So it it any wonder that in Godless Madrid, zookeepers are turning poor penguins gay? They are even endangering unborn penguins by letting them be hatched and adopted by homosexual* birds! Read more on Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?…
  your new fursona should totally be giant ancient penguin

Here Is a News Story About Ancient Penguins

Here it is, like we said: Penguins didn’t always boast tuxedo-like black-and-white markings, according to a new study. The discovery of the first ancient penguin fossil with evidence of feathers reveals the aquatic birds were once reddish-brown and gray. Read more on Here Is a News Story About Ancient Penguins…
  love tragedies

Gay Penguin Couple Rent Asunder By Hussy

And this is why gay marriage will never work: “Silo and Roy, two male chinstrap penguins native to the South Atlantic, made [New York] headlines six years ago when they came out with their same-sex relationship. … That all ended when Scrappy, a single female newly arrived from SeaWorld in San Diego, caught Silo’s eye. … On Thursday, Roy, all alone, sat disconsolately at the edge of the penguin area, staring at the wall.” Jesus Christ that is about the saddest story ever written. [Fox News] Read more on Gay Penguin Couple Rent Asunder By Hussy…
 

Al Gore Blamed For Tragic Seal-On-Penguin Rape

Here’s your “Friday Fun Link,” courtesy of BBC News and the Journal of Ethology. It is a King Penguin being sexually assaulted by an Antarctic Fur Seal. South African scientists photographed the freakish 45-minute sex crime, which only ended when the hundred-kilogram rapist seal couldn’t figure out how to actually copulate with the 15-kilogram ice bird, who was reportedly unharmed but deeply ashamed. [BBC News] Read more on Al Gore Blamed For Tragic Seal-On-Penguin Rape…
 

Gore Also Using More Toilet Paper Than Most Americans

Remember how Al Gore didn’t announce he’s running for president last night? Well, just in case he gets any big ideas, Drudge wants you to know the dude is just a big-ass hypocrite who uses all the electricity which causes the global warming and then a penguin cries a single tear. Read more on Gore Also Using More Toilet Paper Than Most Americans…