Wonkette

America’s finest opinion-writer-of, Peggy Noonan, recently visited an airport somewhere — possibly in West Texas, Oklahoma or Central California. She is the Merle Haggard of the Jet Age, the Woody Guthrie of business travel. Also, she is an old white lady and the TSA minorities are sticking the beeping wand between her withered old thighs, and that ain’t right! It’s unnatural, as she is not even an Arab! Let’s enjoy an Okie-Dog of Metaphors with the Op-Ed Princess of Bloomingdale’s, after the jump.

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America’s greatest living political columnist, Peggy Noonan, has a heartbreaking new essay in the Wall Street Journal. Poor Peggers loved the previous, cute pope so much — she even wrote a book about him! — and now she’s stuck with this creepy old German with hollow eyes and the kind of personality that was really only effective in the military, during World War II, in Germany. MORE »

Ever since Reagan-era propagandist Peggy Noonan started reading Wonkette this month, we’ve all noticed a spring in her step and a bee in her brain. Peggy is back, and people have taken notice. According to an anonymous “liberal journalist” who tipped William Powers at the National Journal, Noonan now has “the best political column these days, by far.” Congratulations, Peggy! You are our shining city on a hill. [National Journal]

It’s not every day that Ronald Reagan’s favorite speechwriter admits she not only reads Wonkette, but laughs at it. So we were very pleased this morning to see that Peggy Noonan, our nation’s most beloved newspaper columnist since 1911, mentioned our New Hampshire coverage and a particularly Victorian bit of high-minded satire we dropped along the way: MORE »

This is actually weirder and creepier than any Mike Gravel video. Columbine = porn = shit in the ocean? Peggy Noonan?? And has Mitt always talked like Will Farrell’s impression of George W. Bush???

She was walking, in the city, on the day of America’s freedom. And then she saw a Mexican. Let’s explore the heavily symbolic world of Peggy Noonan and her latest column.

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She’s always very seriously saddened about some bullshit — remember the public breakdown over Rick Santorum’s return to obscurity? — but the pope of the church of Ronald Reagan is now really, truly, massively bummed out because the Bush Administration doesn’t care about conservatives or Mexicans or anything, really. (Yes, she is just figuring this out.) MORE »

It’s tough to tell someone you love that they’re being sent to the assisted-living place and will only be able to submit columns to the Nursing Home Newsletter, but today’s the day we send off Grandma Peggy Noonan. A bizarre love ode to Rick Santorum finally convinced us it was time:

But here’s an exception: the state of Pennsylvania, which has been this year a bright patch of meaning. Its U.S. Senate contest has been the great race of the cycle, the one about which conservatives in their hearts most care. And not only conservatives, but those who know, for whatever reason and in whatever way, that there is something truly at stake here, something beyond mere red team and blue.

That would be Sen. Rick Santorum. The sense among so many people — including politicians and journalists — is that the Senate needs his sort, his kind.

Christ! She’s putting out this regal bullshit about a screeching Jesus Freak obsessed with screwing dogs, an embarrassing twit who makes the rest of the Senate seem almost dignified in comparison. His approval rate in Pennsylvania (where he hasn’t lived for years) is in Bush Territory, the 30s. Bob Casey has a double-digit lead. Where are these “politicians and journalists,” Peggy? You know, besides Santorum and yourself? Enjoy the rest home! Tuesday is Taco Night! MORE »