Wonkette

There’s a crazy long profile of our favorite column-writer-of, Peggy Noonan, in today’s Women’s Wear Daily (which is, for some reason, a political newspaper in New York). We read the whole thing and thrilled to the details of Peggy’s World and her weird e-mails and the real reason she loves Obama so much, but it’s super long and you won’t ever read it all, so we’ve created a handy bullet-point list of factoids! MORE »

Our girlfriend Peggy Noonan has been more enjoyable than usual this year, as a tragically drawn-out Democratic primary battle provided her with endless opportunities to touch herself while Barack Obama spoke pretty things, and to then guiltily wash her hands and realize that Obama was, in fact, the Democrat and not Ronald Reagan and, indeed, kind of “multicultural,” if you get our drift. But all that tortured eloquence has vanished from Peggy’s column, because the oxycontin/vodka cocktail hit hard as soon as she finished typing the relatively sane setup of today’s “Declarations.” MORE »

Even more bad news for Republicans and John McCain today, courtesy of Reagan Revolutionary Peggy Noonan: Everybody loves Obama and hates the GOP, the end. Ha, not really. Peggy has a whole column to write, so she needs to explain exactly how badly the Republican Party will be stomped by the Democrats in November, even in slave states like Mississippi, where only Trent Lott’s family can legally vote. Let’s see what kind of weird new words and phrases Peggy makes up this week, after the jump. MORE »

UH OH — PEGGY NOONAN IS MAKING SENSE: Yes, she does scream in Latin at some point, but otherwise this week’s Peggy’s World is probably the best column on Hillary’s Last Stand. Scary times, scary times …. [Wall Street Journal]

That is the only plausible explanation for this fantastical bilge: “And, mirabile dictu, a perfectly postmodern embodiment of compromise between the hard binaries of race and age. He’s both white and black. Born on the very cusp of the baby boom and Generation X, he’s both oldish and youngish. And as a skinny, athletic, gentle-seeming, virtually metrosexual man, he nearly splits the difference on gender as well.” [New York Magazine]

SOMEONE HELP PEGGY NOONAN, POST HASTE: Everyone we have a very severe problem facing our country: Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan is “finding it hard to feel truly upset about what [Jeremiah] Wright has said.” Medic? MEDIC? Not even 1,000 words of Noonington’s mellifluous prose could get her to feel upset about Jeremiah Wright. WHY CAN’T PEGGY NOONAN MAKE HERSELF GET UPSET ABOUT THIS? [WSJ]

Peggy Noonan sees the world through a special pair of eyes — eyes that were pried out of Ronald Reagan’s head just moments after he tragically passed away in 1989. How do we know this? Because a women’s website asked Peg about shoes. MORE »

America’s finest opinion-writer-of, Peggy Noonan, recently visited an airport somewhere — possibly in West Texas, Oklahoma or Central California. She is the Merle Haggard of the Jet Age, the Woody Guthrie of business travel. Also, she is an old white lady and the TSA minorities are sticking the beeping wand between her withered old thighs, and that ain’t right! It’s unnatural, as she is not even an Arab! Let’s enjoy an Okie-Dog of Metaphors with the Op-Ed Princess of Bloomingdale’s, after the jump.

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America’s greatest living political columnist, Peggy Noonan, has a heartbreaking new essay in the Wall Street Journal. Poor Peggers loved the previous, cute pope so much — she even wrote a book about him! — and now she’s stuck with this creepy old German with hollow eyes and the kind of personality that was really only effective in the military, during World War II, in Germany. MORE »

Ever since Reagan-era propagandist Peggy Noonan started reading Wonkette this month, we’ve all noticed a spring in her step and a bee in her brain. Peggy is back, and people have taken notice. According to an anonymous “liberal journalist” who tipped William Powers at the National Journal, Noonan now has “the best political column these days, by far.” Congratulations, Peggy! You are our shining city on a hill. [National Journal]