Considering the way DC interns and pages spend literally every waking hour exchanging bodily fluids and poop with each other and their middle-aged closeted bosses, the only thing surprising about the “Senate Pages Got The Pig AIDS” story is that the number of infected pages is only five. Jesus, about 98% of them already have syphilis and tuberculosis, so a measly five Swine-y flu pages in the nation’s foulest chamber of gross old men doing gross old things to weird children who volunteer for such pedophilia … well, that’s a pretty good argument for Swine Flu being “no big deal.” [True/Slant, KPCC]

People are cold goin’ nuts over this Pat Buchanan article on some web site and why? Because he’s writing something about Richard Nixon or whoever? No, because it features this ridiculous picture of Barack Obama and a certain beloved molesting bear approaching him from the rear. Given the name of the photo file — “BHORainbowBear2_med.jpg” — it seems possible that whoever decided to combine Pat Buchanan’s Nixon column with a picture of Pedobear did not fully understand what that little cartoon character is really “about.” [Taki's Magazine]

No, not at all! According to famous wingnut blog “The Drudge Report,” it is about a giant looming Pedobear who will “fix” your “health” by, uhm, raping children. Is that what you people want?

Here’s a fun word puzzle for this wintry Friday afternoon. Guess why this guy’s in the news today: “The former Republican assemblyman, also a former television reporter, was an outspoken advocate of tough penalties for sex offenders.” That’s right, GOP politician George “Chris” Ortloff was caught in one of those online-pedophile sting operations, trying to line up some 11-year-old ass, but ha ha the “mom” he was trying to arrange the child sexytime with was actually a New York detective. Thank you, George Pataki, for appointing this wonderful pedophile to the, uh, New York State Parole Board. MORE »

Jenna and Henry are really married! But the very private 92-degrees-outside Texas wedding at the livestock pond at least offered George W. Bush another chance to do something embarrassing on the dance floor. Guess what song Jenna and Daddy chose for their special dance? Creepy yacht-rock fuck ballad “You Are So Beautiful,” that’s what. Let’s cringe together, after the jump. MORE »

The New York Times is pretty much on a “Pope Roll” today, and here’s the latest hilarious proof that should be in your NYT newspaper, if you are old and subscribe to the paper version. Here’s not-so-beloved Pope Joseph “Benedict XVI” Ratzinger, speaking to an overflow crowd of many thousands of “Victims of Sexual Abuse” at Nationals Park here in Washington. MORE »