Wonkette

What dark human vice was engaged herein, June 12, 2008, among Wonketteers and thine ilk? MORE »

Now that your Wonkette has napped and commenced working on Drunkenness #3 of the day, it’s time for our first batch of Paultardpalooza photos! Here are some of the best Paultards we saw at the Ron Paul Rally, at the Capitol, courtesy of Wonkette Natty-Bo Operative “Taylor.” MORE »

It’s now well after 1 p.m. and we haven’t heard anything from editor Jim Newell, so we have to assume he’s either in jail or rigorously pursuing his vow to “fuck 50 paultards” in the woods somewhere, or maybe in the reflecting pool. All we have are some drunken comments from the Wonkette operatives who bravely showed up at 9:30 a.m. to get drunk and make fun of the Ron Paul March of Liberty Upon Washington, the Scarlet Whore Snake City. MORE »

• GOOD SWEET JESUS GOD: We’ve gotten a few million “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS” e-mails this afternoon, or at least a few dozen, for Paultardpalooza. Among the respondents were an elitist lawyer and a house of six interns! Ha ha, and they all consider Ron Paul to be comical. We will see you at 9:30 a.m. at the Tune Inn, but if things get a little overcrowded, we may move next door to the Hawk ‘n’ Dove, which opens at 10 a.m. If you’re a SLACKER and show up late to find that the Tune Inn is a Ghost Town, hopefully the kindly barkeep will let us post a sign on the door saying something like “FREE CHEESY MUFFINS NEXT DOOR –>.”

The March on Washington is almost here, as are our Patriotic Morning Drinking Plans. But did you know it’s kind of scary to come to a place like D.C., especially to the touristy National Mall which crawls with Park Service police night and day, and is only visited by other white people tourists on summer weekends? Join us for a children’s treasury of “I am worried there might be scary snakes” Paultard travel-tip forum posts. MORE »

We have our plans for Paultardpalooza, finally. We will meet at the gloriously iconic dive bar, the Tune Inn, at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. We decided on the Tune Inn after calling various Capitol Hill bars and asking, “How early do you start serving alcohol in the morning?” Most places awkwardly tried to hang up, but the Tune Inn gave us a hearty “8 a.m.!” in response, and we appreciated that. MORE IMPORTANT DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP. MORE »

The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums]

• SEND YOUR IDEAS FOR PAULTARDPALOOZA PRE-GAMING: We need more suggestions for our Wonkette Paultardpalooza Drinking Binge At Nine A.M. On Saturday Party. Here is one reader’s plan: “I don’t have a place where one can safely become intoxicated enough for a Paultard march that starts at 9am, but I know Glenmont Metro station’s still got a load of construction equipment on the top floor. It’s perfect for ‘pre-gaming’ before an literary assault on The Hill. Security there has been laid-off, and no one really goes to that end of the line that early on a Saturday, unless their hungover and trying to get stoned. The Stainedglass Pub is also right there, good bar food, cheap booze, layed back bartenders.” This all sounds fantastic, except for the fact that Glenmont is at the END OF THE RED LINE, a.k.a. Outer Space (”Maryland”). Oh, and to any Capitol Hill bars out there: If you open at 9 a.m. for us, we will give you all the publicity you ever wanted.

The only worthwhile event in Washington all summer is finally happening this weekend: The R[EVOL]UTION MARCH, in support of failed presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul, in which he will be joining the most Paultarded of Paultards in a march along Constitution Ave. — that, my friends, is not an accident — to the Capitol, which they will firebomb with flaming crossbows. We will proudly be attending this Saturday. Details! MORE »

Remember this one? Looks like her wrists healed up, and she covered the Ron Paul sticker on her dresser with a flaggy thing. And WTF with the weird cuts and the kids’ ball that keeps appearing in different parts of her bedroom? Oh my god there is a CHILD loose in there, trying to ruin mom’s McCain commentary! She’s got 172 videos, like this one, of her belly, after the Surgery, and of course this one that breaks the Olympics/Bilderberg/2008 conspiracy, finally! [YouTube]

Back in 1987, nobody could have guessed that a bunch of meatheads in a movie about an invisible alien with laser-beam eyes would someday be great American leaders. But then the wonderful state of Minnesota elected Jesse Ventura its governor, and California followed suit with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now, if Kentuckians play their cards right, they will replace their womanly senator Mitch McConnell with Sonny Landham, who played some dude called “Billy” in Predator. This Landham guy is a real trip! Come along with us on Sonny’s magical journey from porn stardom to the Libertarian party via five wives and a stretch in federal prison. MORE »

Thanks to commenter “floraway” for ruining all of our fun and linking to an article about Ron Paul’s big announcement tonight, which will be that he is ending his presidential campaign for the 80th time in order to launch a new campaign, for Liberty. As far as we can tell, that Olde English shit is the official logo for Dr. Congressman Paul’s latest gig, which, as per usual, will be a scam to take your Gas Money. You can read his (premature) concession letter at the Campaign for Liberty’s website. It is notable for overtly publicizing his glorious new book, Ron Paul’s Manifesto Pool Party. Anyway, let’s see how our old pals at Ron Paul Forums are taking the news. Is this just another Main Stream Media conspiracy? MORE »

THIS JUST IN, HOT FROM THE E-MAIL PROGRAM: Ron Paul has something to say tonight hooray. You can watch it at Justin’s TV or whatever. What will he be Announcing? MORE »