Reader “Emily” sends us this mysterious photo from Chicago, which appears to be a Paultard car, only without the R at the beginning of Dr. Paul’s famous slogan. “I still really couldn’t believe this was a thing,” she writes. So, question: IS THIS A THING?

Mean old fartsack Lindsey Graham spoke at the “South Carolina GOP Convention” this weekend and made an enemy of RON PAUL and his supporters, the Paultards, by denouncing libertarianism and Liberty. And then he told everyone to leave, because Jim DeMint was about to shoot a firecracker out of his ass. MORE »

Wonkette operative “Laura” sends this cell-phone shot from the High Desert stucco ghetto of Victorville, California. This is one of the lamest fucking places in America, the fat diabetic heart of the housing collapse, basically everyone is on the dole — military pension, social security, disability, etc. — so of course it’s hard-core wingnut land. This is the kind of place where you see new Ron Paul 2008 posters stapled up on the phone poles to replace the ones that blew away. The signs these teabaggers are waving say “HONK IF YOU LOVE COCK.”

Holy wow, what is this insane microtarded homunculus parading through the streets of Boston with an inflatable Elmo? Why it’s our president, of course, in tighty whities, protesting the very taxes he will raise, someday, on our nation’s elites! This is the most frightening photograph Wonkette Beantown Operative Garrett Quinn has ever sent us. MORE »

Ladies and gentlemans the day has finally arrived! Paultards and Birthers and “Don’t Tax Me Bro”s and even the reclusive Santelliosos shall gather, in our nation’s capital and in other godforsaken places such as central Texas, to register their frustration with whatever the fuck. Our own Ginger Terror, Jim Newell, will be on the ground somewhere in DC trying not to get murdered. Boston Buddy Garrett Quinn promises updates from the place in Massachusetts where the actual tea party happened a million years ago, while commenter InsidiousTuna sends hot pixxx ‘n’ updates from Waco to Teablogging.net and ShortsandPants, which maybe we will link to or STEAL. Are YOU going to one of these important protest events today? Please to send poetry, video, bags of tea, and photographs to tips@wonkette.com. We will probably ignore them. Photo via Shady Grove Metro Operative “Ethan.”

The teabagging controversy grows baggier by the hour, as pretty much every loser in 2006, 2008 and life in general is in a desperate battle to prove they started the tea-bag craze. Forgetting for a moment that the people who “started” the tea-party nonsense were actually greedy Englishmen of the British Empire’s colony of Taxachusetts way back in 1773, this is one thing we are going to totally give to the Paultards. They started it. We were there, man. We were there. MORE »

What the headline said, duh! Uhh… hmm. It’s becoming impossible to follow the rapidly developing Balkanization within the Teabagger Movement. Let’s try to figure it all out in one post! Here’s the general storyline: Paultards and other “radical libertarians” are claiming that the Tea Party concept has always been their protest idea, for like infinity years, and that it was a damn good one too (got Dr. Cong. Paul elected president no?) until these fucking corporate-backed fucks, the mainstream Republican electoral apparatus, started laundering money into some “AstroTurf” (fake grassroots HA HA!) fat cat Establishment entities and hijacked the brilliant tea bag concept, (somehow) turned it into a joke, blasted it on Fox News, and fucking ruined fucking everything AGAIN WILL THESE PEOPLE EVER LEARN? MORE »

What happens when Wonkette commenters just cold go nuts over at GoDaddy or whatever? This! Here is the official Teablogging.net website, for all of your teabag, teabagging, teabagger and teablogging HAWT NEWS. Find out where these losers are meeting up, and just get ready to have the kind of sex perversion you’ve always wanted to have with paultards, becktards, dobbstards, wingnuts and sundry fuckabouts. DO IT NOW. [Teablogging.net]

Ever since America’s most recent 9/11, when an ex-derivatives trader ranted on the cable news money channel about Obama’s $75 billion plan to subsidize salvageable mortgages, certain Real Americans have developed this masturbatory obsession with tea bags and ladies’ tea parties and also sucking each others’ balls. They are doing this because of socialism, the cartoon movie The Watch Men, and the blacks — Congress, essentially. And as part of this ball-sucking guerilla war they now appear to be issuing “threats” by mailing certain substances in suspicious envelopes to the Senate. They freak out mail room employees and security guards for a few seconds until they realize that the substance is just tea — tea in the form of tea bags — probably mixed up with a few pubic hairs, for show. MORE »

You know what sucks? April Fools crap on news websites. You know what wouldn’t suck at all? If Doktor Ron Paul became the one true chairman of the Republican National Committee. Oh, the laughs! Oh, the costumes! Oh, the love (spelled backwards, on a blimp). Sadly, this didn’t happen, and it will never happen — but not because Ron Paul is a nut, and not specifically because his remaining followers are all actual hobbits. It’s because Republicans hate Ron Paul’s guts. They would sooner appoint Cynthia McKinney as RNC chairman. [Conservative HQ]

Larry King’s a crazy lady now! Watch “her” guests, Ron Paul and the super-crazy Baldwin brother, get shouty about, um, Michael Phelps, teevee’s “The Aquaman,” because Phelps sat poolside with teevee’s Matt Lauer one time to talk about “celebrating” (getting high). Did you know Lauer was nearly killed by a deer today? [YouTube]