paultards
Ron Paul: An Enigma Wrapped in a Riddle Wrapped in the Constitution
Yesterday, we learned that noted constitutional scholar Ron Paul accepts and cashes his Social Security check even though it is “unconstitutional.” He did not say why, exactly, Social Security is unconstitutional (although Your Wonkette suspects it has something to do with his poor grasp of a common law system), and so it remains one in a [...]
Rick Santorum Vows Epic GOP Convention War on Usurping Paultards
As foretold in Revelation, Lord of Lunatics Rick Santorum has warned that he is fortifying his followers for some kind of world-ending battle to fend off the interloping Paultard hordes at the Republican National Convention in Florida, in August. It will be sweaty. “I’m concerned that Ron Paul and some of his supporters out there [...]
Paultards Traumatized By Rand Paul’s Romney Endorsement
Well, tragedy has struck in Ron Paul’s kingdom. Rand Paul endorsed Mitt Romney Thursday night on Sean Hannity’s show, presumably because he has been promised some high-profile position in Mitt’s Barbie and Ken’s Dream House™ cabinet. While those pioneering philosophers over at the Washington Post seriously ponder “what” Rand Paul’s endorsement “means” (absolute f#*&-all), other, [...]
Ron Paul Plots New Democracy-Lite Path To Convention Glory
American democracy’s most persistent old fart Ron Paul has announced that he no longer cares for democracy per se in the traditional sense of trying to “win votes” from “voters,” because this is a hard thing to do, when your platform is mostly insane. “We will no longer spend resources campaigning in primaries in states [...]
Paultards Launch Hot Air Balloon Over SC Freeway to Remind People Paul Exists
Disciples of roguish Ron descended on the northern regions of South Carolina with a sunny yellow van and a hot air balloon Thursday morning, hovering the giant balloon, draped in two very small, not terribly convincing Ron Paul signs, over a frontage road off I-85 near Greenville. The ballooners told a local TV station, while [...]
Paultards Hate Huntsman for Knowing Chinese, Adopting Foreigners
The New Hampshire contingent of Paultards is stooping to core-of-the-earth lows today with a new ad featuring Napster-era audio quality, proof alone that the ad was definitely not made by Paul’s official moneybags campaign, but the freaks on the fringe of the fringe, who are still learning how to use a computer. In the ad, [...]
Why Yes, There IS a Hawt Ron Paul Pin-Up Calendar
The babes of Paultardlandia, all (four) of them, have banded together to bring us a campy Xmasween Ron Paul calendar. It is an amazingly weird and wild libertarian mix of scantily-clad ladies, furries, vampires and flags (plus the sexxxy Photoshopped cover below) for America’s freedom-loving fappers! Here are some of the crazy photos, go clicky [...]
Fashion Update: Ron Paul Possibly Wearing Eyebrow Wigs
WHA?? So according to this weird image, it turns out that Dr. Ron Paul is either an alien cyborg whose face began partially melting off under the hot stage lights of the last GOP debate, OR, possibly, he was caught strangely using eyebrow toupees to beef up the facial hair testosterone quotient of his libertarian sex god [...]
Bored With Blimps, Paultards Will Now Begin Jumping Out of Planes
Blimps, they are so 2008. Why have a blimp when you can have it rain actual Paultards all over your New Hampshire campaign event? Skydivers will jump from a helicopter over Derry on Sept. 29 for an aerial display and then land in a residential yard, highlighting a special question-and-answer session about the future of [...]
Nat’l Geographic Captures Hilarious Video of Screaming Paultard In the Wild
This guy! He keeps screaming “RON PAUL 2012 FIRST AMENDMENT” over and over at a couple of highway patrolmen trying to arrest him. Some sources say he is doing this because he is inebriated, but our sources ask, would that have mattered? [YouTube]
Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement
Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY [...]
Hope And Change 2012: Ron Paul Blimp Maybe Coming Out of Storage
Some things in the world work like clockwork — a gay Republican is outed, an American president launches another war, John Boehner walks into a tanning booth, Ginni Thomas drunk dials Anita Hill — so we are not surprised and maybe even a little relieved to know that the Ron Paultards are once again out [...]
Gary Johnson Running For President So He Can Be Embarrassed By Ron Paul
Gary Johnson will formally announce his candidacy for president in April while stumping in New Hampshire, an adviser told POLITICO. The former New Mexico governor will skip the step of creating an exploratory committee, opting for an immediate start to his bid for the GOP nomination. Telling Politico! Fancy. Gary Johnson is a libertarian has-been [...]
Like All Living Beings, Rand Paul Is Considering Running For President
Rand Paul may have only given up groping eyeballs in his uncertified ophthalmology dungeon a couple months ago to become a U.S. senator, but he apparently feels he knows enough about the federal government to consider running the whole joint himself. “The only decision I’ve made is I won’t run against my dad,” he reportedly [...]
Last Speech of Dick Cheney’s Life Greeted By Paultard Boos
Oh, other people shouted stuff at Dick Cheney yesterday at CPAC. Don’t think you’re safe from a little underground bunker torture, Paultards. He’s still alive, you know.
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