Tag: paultards

Ron Paul: An Enigma Wrapped in a Riddle Wrapped in the Constitution

Yesterday, we learned that noted constitutional scholar Ron Paul accepts and cashes his Social Security check even though it is “unconstitutional.” He did not say why, exactly, Social Security is unconstitutional (although Your Wonkette suspects it has something to do...

Rick Santorum Vows Epic GOP Convention War on Usurping Paultards

As foretold in Revelation, Lord of Lunatics Rick Santorum has warned that he is fortifying his followers for some kind of world-ending battle to fend off the interloping Paultard hordes at the Republican National Convention in Florida, in August....

Paultards Traumatized By Rand Paul’s Romney Endorsement

Well, tragedy has struck in Ron Paul's kingdom. Rand Paul endorsed Mitt Romney Thursday night on Sean Hannity's show, presumably because he has been promised some high-profile position in Mitt's Barbie and Ken's Dream House™ cabinet. While those pioneering...

Ron Paul Plots New Democracy-Lite Path To Convention Glory

American democracy's most persistent old fart Ron Paul has announced that he no longer cares for democracy per se in the traditional sense of trying to "win votes" from "voters," because this is a hard thing to do, when...

Paultards Launch Hot Air Balloon Over SC Freeway to Remind People Paul Exists

Disciples of roguish Ron descended on the northern regions of South Carolina with a sunny yellow van and a hot air balloon Thursday morning, hovering the giant balloon, draped in two very small, not terribly convincing Ron Paul signs,...

Paultards Hate Huntsman for Knowing Chinese, Adopting Foreigners

The New Hampshire contingent of Paultards is stooping to core-of-the-earth lows today with a new ad featuring Napster-era audio quality, proof alone that the ad was definitely not made by Paul's official moneybags campaign, but the freaks on the...

Why Yes, There IS a Hawt Ron Paul Pin-Up Calendar

The babes of Paultardlandia, all (four) of them, have banded together to bring us a campy Xmasween Ron Paul calendar. It is an amazingly weird and wild libertarian mix of scantily-clad ladies, furries, vampires and flags (plus the sexxxy...

Fashion Update: Ron Paul Possibly Wearing Eyebrow Wigs

WHA?? So according to this weird image, it turns out that Dr. Ron Paul is either an alien cyborg whose face began partially melting off under the hot stage lights of the last GOP debate, OR, possibly, he was caught...

Bored With Blimps, Paultards Will Now Begin Jumping Out of Planes

Blimps, they are so 2008. Why have a blimp when you can have it rain actual Paultards all over your New Hampshire campaign event? Skydivers will jump from a helicopter over Derry on Sept. 29 for an aerial display and...

Nat’l Geographic Captures Hilarious Video of Screaming Paultard In the Wild

This guy! He keeps screaming "RON PAUL 2012 FIRST AMENDMENT" over and over at a couple of highway patrolmen trying to arrest him. Some sources say he is doing this because he is inebriated, but our sources ask, would...

Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement

Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally "in it to win" this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to...

Hope And Change 2012: Ron Paul Blimp Maybe Coming Out of Storage

Some things in the world work like clockwork -- a gay Republican is outed, an American president launches another war, John Boehner walks into a tanning booth, Ginni Thomas drunk dials Anita Hill -- so we are not surprised...

Gary Johnson Running For President So He Can Be Embarrassed By Ron Paul

Gary Johnson will formally announce his candidacy for president in April while stumping in New Hampshire, an adviser told POLITICO. The former New Mexico governor will skip the step of creating an exploratory committee, opting for an immediate start to...

Like All Living Beings, Rand Paul Is Considering Running For President

Rand Paul may have only given up groping eyeballs in his uncertified ophthalmology dungeon a couple months ago to become a U.S. senator, but he apparently feels he knows enough about the federal government to consider running the whole...

Last Speech of Dick Cheney’s Life Greeted By Paultard Boos

Oh, other people shouted stuff at Dick Cheney yesterday at CPAC. Don't think you're safe from a little underground bunker torture, Paultards. He's still alive, you know. Rumsfeld is being given CPAC's "Defender Of The Constitution" award, a concept...

Win Lunch (Probably PB & J and Celery Sticks) With Rand Paul

Farmer-taunting U.S. Senate candidate Rand Paul has a new scheme to make himself look popular and beloved by the American nation: a “friend bomb” campaign on Facebook. "The goal is to have over 100,000 fans who 'Like' Rand's Page,"...