Tell mom she’ll have to figure out how to program the TiVo herself: The St. Paul Paultardpalooza is moving to the 20,000-seat Target Sports Arena (in Minneapolis). The chances are increasing that more people will come to the “Twin Cities” to celebrate the Ron Paul Revolution than will show up to give a golf clap to GOP nominee John McCain. This is a beautiful development. Get your tickets now, for only $17.76 fiat dollars — to symbolize the year in which Dr. Paul first demanded that Thomas Jefferson spell “revolution” in a gay way with the EVOL backwards. [TwinCities.com]

The fallout continues over last weekend’s Paultardpalooza festival in Washington D.C., which your Wonketteers bravely attended for seven minutes between episodes of drinking. If you can imagine, many hobbits on Ron Paul Forums are making strained “mental leaps” between fiction and reality. They were already convinced that our Wonkette faction was a deranged militia of “addicts and derelicts” who — much like the British Army several hundred years ago — would shoot at them with muskets, if necessary, to protect George W. Bush’s tea tax. Now they’ve assumed something far more profound: that one of us was this fat, shirtless lout who went around beating up their women and children. And our punishment shall be swift and merciless: they tell us that we are “on the list.” Anything but the list! MORE »

What dark human vice was engaged herein, June 12, 2008, among Wonketteers and thine ilk? MORE »

Now that your Wonkette has napped and commenced working on Drunkenness #3 of the day, it’s time for our first batch of Paultardpalooza photos! Here are some of the best Paultards we saw at the Ron Paul Rally, at the Capitol, courtesy of Wonkette Natty-Bo Operative “Taylor.” MORE »

If you have ever woken up early, not had your average 8 cups of coffee per hour, drank six beers before 11 a.m. (plus a shot!), stood mercilessly in the summer heat of Washington D.C., gone and had several more beers, and then come home, YOU WOULD HAVE THE WORST HEADACHE IN AMERICAN HISTORY, which is what your Wonkette editor currently has after Paultardpalooza 2k8. Here’s a teaser from Wonkette operative “Melanie,” a D.C. slave intern, but not a member of the venerable “house of six interns” that DID NOT SHOW today. More photos later today, tomorrow and the next day, if this goddamn throbbing sensation in my skull ever disappears. Thanks to the 15-20 amazing humans who showed up early this morning to drink alcohol for free.

It’s now well after 1 p.m. and we haven’t heard anything from editor Jim Newell, so we have to assume he’s either in jail or rigorously pursuing his vow to “fuck 50 paultards” in the woods somewhere, or maybe in the reflecting pool. All we have are some drunken comments from the Wonkette operatives who bravely showed up at 9:30 a.m. to get drunk and make fun of the Ron Paul March of Liberty Upon Washington, the Scarlet Whore Snake City. MORE »

• GOOD SWEET JESUS GOD: We’ve gotten a few million “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS” e-mails this afternoon, or at least a few dozen, for Paultardpalooza. Among the respondents were an elitist lawyer and a house of six interns! Ha ha, and they all consider Ron Paul to be comical. We will see you at 9:30 a.m. at the Tune Inn, but if things get a little overcrowded, we may move next door to the Hawk ‘n’ Dove, which opens at 10 a.m. If you’re a SLACKER and show up late to find that the Tune Inn is a Ghost Town, hopefully the kindly barkeep will let us post a sign on the door saying something like “FREE CHEESY MUFFINS NEXT DOOR –>.”

We have our plans for Paultardpalooza, finally. We will meet at the gloriously iconic dive bar, the Tune Inn, at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. We decided on the Tune Inn after calling various Capitol Hill bars and asking, “How early do you start serving alcohol in the morning?” Most places awkwardly tried to hang up, but the Tune Inn gave us a hearty “8 a.m.!” in response, and we appreciated that. MORE IMPORTANT DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP. MORE »

The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums]