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Tag: paula broadwell

Totally worth it

Trump Meeting With Petraeus For State, Because What F*cking Classified Emails?

David Petraeus is not Hillary Clinton, therefore he is obviously innocent.
Totally worth it

Adulterous Traitor Gen. David Petraeus Sorry For Sticking His State Secrets In His Girlfriend’s Lady Hole

We thought we'd heard the last of our own laughter at the disgraced former director of the CIA, all-the-stars Gen. David Petraeus, after he agreed to plead guilty in March of this year, in exchange for a little slap-and-tickle...
Totally worth it

General Petraeus Pleads Guilty To Being Too Sexy For His Pants

Great All-American Hero War-Winnin' Savior and former CIA director Gen. David Petraeus has admitted to pillow-talking classified information into his mistress's ear, which is against the law, it turns out, who knew? But, despite our gleeful prediction in January...
Totally worth it

You’ll Never Guess Why Fox Thinks Sexytime Leaker Gen. Petraeus Is Being Framed Now!

Wingnutty Expert on Everything Andrew Napolitano was all over Fox News Monday and Tuesday to float his expert opinion on why former CIA director David Petraeus is maybe going to face criminal charges for being a Gangster of Love....
Totally worth it

Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!

Don't you just hate when you get caught sexing a lady what is not your wife and pillow-talking all of America's classified secrets to her? Oh, you don't do that? Then you are not ex-hero Gen. David Petraeus, who...

General Petraeus Gives Flowers And Candy to America, Says He’s Sorry About Banging Not-Mrs. Petraeus

Disgraced ex-CIA director General David Petraeus -- who was an angel-winged, gold-plated American hero until we found out he was totally banging that one chick named, no kidding, Paula BROADWELL (because Pussy Galore was already taken), who wrote that...

Paula Broadwell Was Going To Be A Senator, Because Why Not

Good morning, Wonkette darlings! It is Monday, and you have to ask yourself: are you getting a little bored with the Petraeus scandal? We mean, sure, it's fun thinking about the crazy grifting identical twins and hot (?)...

Ladies And Gentlemen, We Present To You: ‘The Shirtless F.B.I. Guy’

By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have...

Nuts & Sluts: In Which Your Wonkette Agrees With Pat Robertson And Richard Cohen About Paula Broadwell

There is a lot of Yap and Huff on the Internet right about now about how poor Paula Broadwell is being SEXISMED because nobody is making tons of mocking fun of disgraced former top spook David Petraeus, but people...

David Petraeus, Gen. John Allen, And Shirtless FBI Agent Sent Sexy Emails All The Time, To Everyone

Oh man is David Petraeus' wiener getting people in trouble today. We already knew about Petraeus, a retired four-star general and (now former) director of the CIA, and how he started up an affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, and how...

Biographer Lady Revealed To Be Petraeus Mistress, Linchpin Of Benghazi Cover-Up Probably

Everybody's all scandalized over the resignation of CIA director and retired Army General David Petraeus, who rather conveniently had to resign because of an affair one week before he had to testify about Benghazi, just sayin', we should probably...