paul ryan
Paul Ryan, ‘Reportedly,’ Simply Does Not Care To Take Calls From His Stinky Old Boss
Does Politico chief political columnist Roger Simon know what “reportedly” means? Dear reader, do you? For those without your Editrix’s fancee “specialized journalism” master’s, it means “someone somewhere else has already published this information, which we have not confirmed ourselves, but are kind of taking their word for it.” And Politico chief political columnist Roger [...]
Newt Gingrich Still Angling For Job As Governor of Moon
The 2012 election is the collision of many, many smaller issues: Immigrants, and how they’re destroying everything; the disenfranchisement of Poors, due to laziness; that little issue of health care and who gets to blame whom for $700 billion in Medicare cuts. Plus deficits and tax rates and reproductive rights and Freedom and student loans [...]
Olds Tear Paul Ryan Into Bloody Paul Ryan Chunks At AARP Conference
They were hungry. So hungry. It was like the nurses and the porters at their “retirement” “communities” — jails, each and every one of them — were doing it on purpose, ignoring their wails for bigger portions of the lousy slop they called “food.” And they always stole everything that wasn’t locked down! They were [...]
Nancy Pelosi Apparently Does Not Care For That Whippersnapper Rep. Paul Ryan
Oh ho ho, Nancy Pelosi! How are you being a hilarious bitch today? Oh, you are “welcoming” back to the hallowed halls of Congress the “intellectual heavyweight” of the Republican Party, Paul Ryan, by cutting together a whole bunch of riotous tape of him being unable to string two words together? That’ll do, Nance. That’ll [...]
Is Paul Ryan On The Marijuana?
Guys, we’re concerned about Paul Ryan. As a father of a three-year-old girl, we’ve trained ourselves to be vigilant for all the signs your child could be using drugs: rapid changes in mood or behavior, anti-social tendencies, refusing to eat. (We’re 90 percent certain our daughter injects heroin into her eyeballs.) Paul Ryan shows none [...]
The Lying Lies of Paul Ryan, Who Lies
In the hours since his acceptance speech last night, the lies of lying liar Paul Ryan have been well-documented — but what the hell, let’s recap them anyway!
Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?
I would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR PEOPLE REFERENCE BUILDING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I’m sure you are. Tonight, [...]
Ron Paul Just Doesn’t Get Why The GOP Can’t Let Him Have Everything
Remember when we told you about all of those “factions” that the GOP has created and is now desperately trying to control and is whining about to the New York typists? Some of them, as it turns out, are easier to control than others. Like Ron Paul fans, who will not be placated because Ryan [...]
Chris Christie Won’t Be Mitt’s VP Because Chris Christie Knows A Loser When He Sees One
For months, political comedy aficionados everywhere have been demanding a Romney-Christie “Odd Couple” GOP ticket, where Chris Christie would leave his dirty socks all over the floor after a hard day of screaming abuse at schoolteachers, and Mitt Romney would pick them up with tongs while grinning mirthlessly. Sadly, this was not to be, and [...]
Oh Paul Ryan, David Brooks Can’t Stay Mad At You!
What is Paul Ryan’s biggest mistake, you might be wondering — and yes, we know! It’s hard to pick just one! But if, for some reason, we were going to try, would we pick Ryan’s sponsorship of a personhood amendment? Or maybe the Ryan Plan, which would turn Medicare into a voucher program? Or oh [...]
GOP’s New ‘Joe The Plumber,’ ‘Chris The Baker,’ Just As Tawdry As The Last One
Oh, did the Republicans make someone their new national hero for being rude to a Democrat, in this case our dream lover, Old Handsome Joe Biden? They did? That’s so weird, we would never have guessed. You will remember this “Chris the Baker” fellow from cupcake-blocking Joe’s appearance in his cupcakery, because he was mad [...]
Mitt Romney To Nutter Rapey Doctor Last Year: ‘We Agree On Almost Everything’
You may have heard over the past few days of Dr. Jack Willke (because you read Wonkette with slavish devotion), the crazy man who spreads the lie that you can’t get pregnant if you’re goodly and righteously raped. You probably also heard that he was buddy-buddy with Mitt Romney in 2008, because Mitt Romney would [...]
Wasilla Gentleman Almost Definitely Wouldn’t Lock Disabled Children In The Attic
Wasilla, Alaska, city councilman and state House candidate Mark Ewing is sorry, but if nobody else is going to make the tough choices, he will be the one to stand up and say it: Stop wasting tax money sending disabled kids to school! “We are spending millions and millions of dollars educating children that have [...]
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