Tag Archives: paul crouch

  the needle's eye

The Reverend Paul Crouch Riding That $49 Million Jetplane Straight To The Kingdom Of Heaven

The Reverend Paul Crouch has died. He was 79. He leaves his beloved wife, Jan, his beloved jet, his beloved pair of mansions in Newport Beach, California, and his beloved Trinity Broadcast Network, where the Reverend and the missus explained to their adoring audience the everlasting life that would be theirs if they just sent their pension checks to Jesus, c/o TBN. READ MORE Read more on The Reverend Paul Crouch Riding That $49 Million Jetplane Straight To The Kingdom Of Heaven…
  you! stop evolving right now!

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks To Shield Your Homeschooled Darlings From Dangerous Modern Thinking

Time to round out our visit to the turn of the 20th Century — as seen through the lens of rightwing Christian textbooks — with a brief discussion of the dangerous ideas that began infecting the world in the late 19th century. Persons prone to the vapors may wish to have a couch and some smelling salts handy. For our 8th-grade textbook from A Beka, America: Land I Love, the last years of the 19th century were a terrific time when Christian revival and missions had “improved the moral health of America and many other nations.” Unfortunately, history is not merely the study of world events; it is also the study of how incorporeal beings become personally involved in those events: Homes, churches, schools, businesses, and government agencies also upheld and promoted Christian values and virtues. But Satan counter-moved the spiritual influences in America by raising up false, anti-Biblical philosophies that would eventually erode our Christian heritage. He “hatched” the ideas of Modernism (religious liberalism), evolution, Marxist-socialism (Communism), progressive education, and modern psychology in the latter half of the 19th century, but they did not affect society until the 20th century and did not come into full bloom until the latter half of the 20th century. Our 11th/12th-grade textbook, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), is similarly displeased by newfangled thinking, but doesn’t directly attribute evolution or psychology to Satan himself — parents homeschooling their high school-aged kids may therefore want to select Pensacola Christian College, the publishers of A Beka Books, over those wild-eyed radicals at Bob Jones, with their “anything goes” doctrine. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks To Shield Your Homeschooled Darlings From Dangerous Modern Thinking…
  all hail satan

Totally Great ‘The Bible’ Mini-Series Explains That Barack Obama Is The Debbil

Hey Hitler Channel watchers, did you tune into “The Bible” last night? No? We did not either, because Joel Osteen and Rick Warren and the Assemblies of God and the National Association of Evangelicals are not really our go-to guys on Jesus and stuff. (And also because we didn’t know it was on.) (And also also, because on Sunday nights we like to just get high.) (Did we say “Sunday nights”?) Jesus. Jesus was a cool guy! We have a friend in him, and et cetera! Did they even get to Jesus last night? Don’t know that either! But according to The Wik, last night’s episode focused on “Zedekiah, Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel, Jews return to Jerusalem.” Sounds riveting, dudes! But if we didn’t watch it, and you didn’t either, why are we talking about this exactly? Well, like it says in the headline: because “The Bible” explains that Barack Obama is actually Beelzebub! Read more on Totally Great ‘The Bible’ Mini-Series Explains That Barack Obama Is The Debbil…
  Bird is the Word

Caption Contest: What Is TBN Loon Paul Crouch Up To In Jerusalem?

So here is what is purportedly an undoctored photo of televangelist Paul “No, My Wife Jan is a Different Person From Tammy Faye Bakker” Crouch of Trinity Broadcast Network, giving the finger for some reason to his camera crew while he is on camera in Jerusalem. Or at least, that is what reliable reporter Gustavo Arellano of the OC Weekly says we are looking at here. Why is this news? It isn’t really, but there is never a reason NOT to run a hilarious photo of a Man O’ God flipping the bird, is there? Read more on Caption Contest: What Is TBN Loon Paul Crouch Up To In Jerusalem?…