Tag: patriots

This one came with a box of cereal

God Sends Cliven Bundy A Mistrial

Clearly the federal prosecutors need a refresher course at the Derek Zoolander School For Kids Who Can't Litigate Good.

Bundy Jury Can’t Decide If Pointing Guns At Law Enforcement Is Bad

The feds need some better prosecutors, maybe.
Ritchie Mack, he's a sheriff down in 'Zona...

Wingnut Plan To Turn Arizona County Into New Somalia Still On Track. Good Luck With That!

More straight out delusion from our pals in the "Constitutional Sheriff" community, who still want to get themselves elected into power in Navajo County, Arizona, and then tell the Federal Government to bugger off, just as the Constitution demands...
myfriends, my friends, my friends..FIVE AND A HLAF YEARS, ALAN!

‘Oath Keepers’ Militia Loons Pretty Sure John McCain Needs To Be Executed For Being Tortured

A rightwing militia group is certain that a recording of John McCain's 1969 forced confession proves he needs to be executed for treason. Protip: "patriot" groups who want to overthrow the government give lousy legal advice.
What about Glenn Beck's future, huh?

Glenn Beck Forgot To Tell People ‘Don’t Assassinate Donald Trump,’ And Now He Is Suspended :(

Glenn Beck has been suspended for a whole week from SiriusXM after a purely speculative conversation about whether Donald Trump should be assassinated. Huh.

You Know What The Bundy Gang Really Needed? A Stolen .50 Cal Machine Gun.

Just imagine what fun the Bundy Militia could have had during their occupation of a federal wildlife refuge if they'd had a .50 caliber machine gun!
Freedumb fighter

Michele Fiore At War With Pussy Nevada Cops Who Lack The Balls To Let Her Shoot Them

Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore is sick and tired of people misunderstanding her important thoughts about the need to shoot federal agents who aren't really cops. A while back, she did a teevee interview in which she said it's perfectly...

Ted Cruz’s Allegedly Excellent Penis Adventures, Ew Gross. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Oh hey, WANKERS. It's time for your Saturday morning cocktail hour top ten list! And ugh, yeah, we sure did learn way more about what Ted Cruz's penis may or may not have done this week, and those stories...
Not a smart man.

Ammon Bundy Says Tyranny Not So Bad, Everybody Go Home Now

Guess the tyranny of the federal government thinking it's allowed to own things and, you know, BE the government, isn't the big whoop it used to be now that LaVoy Finicum, spokesman for the Oregon militia armed and illegally...
It's a sad day.

A Heartbreaking Tale Of Obama-Hatin’ Militia Buddies Murdering Each Other In The Face

They say deaths and other bad things come in threes. First we lost David Bowie, and we are not over it. Then Thursday, we learned beloved actor Alan Rickman had left us and we won't be over that one...

Texas Patriots Just Postin’ Muslims’ Addresses Online, Please Don’t Dox Them!

A week ago, a dozen or so very brave Texas Super Patriots proved how much they love America by standing around with guns outside a mosque in the city of Irving, to warn about the impending cataclysm of Sharia...
The reason for the season.

Here’s Your Turkey Drunk, Black Friday Hungover Weekly Top Ten. Read It NOW!

Good Saturday morning, Wonkers! You are so much fatter than last time we saw you, but that's OK, we are too. We hope your Thanksgiving was full of all the food you like, whether that's buckets of fried turducken...
They're also keeping Texas safe from Yeti attacks

Armed Patriots Save Texas From Freedom Of Religion

A group of armed protesters stood around with guns and signs outside a mosque in Irving, Texas, Saturday to protect the Lone Star State from the imminent threats of sharia law and/or terrorism. After a few hours of making...

Loudest Patriots In America Defend Idaho From Pro-Refugee Speeches At Boise Rally

Yr Dok Zoom's hometown of Boise, Idaho, hosted a demonstration on the steps of the state Capitol in support of refugees. Idaho has become home to about 19,000 refugees since the 1980s. Across the street from the 700 or...
Newsweek's gift to posterity

Deleted Comments: Like Your Master Obama, Wonkette Wants To Destroy America

So here's one heck of a surprise: Most of our deleted comments this week are about the Paris terrorist attacks, and the subsequent mass pants-soiling by Republican governors, Republican presidential candidates, and the truly rank Republican rank & file...
Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It's time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in...