Wonkette

As promised, Barack Obama singlehandedly defeated a squadron of Fox News anchors at a game of pickup basketball and then he healed the lepers by touching them and sat down for a little chat with Chris Wallace on Sunday. The conversation was all very civilized until Wallace asked about his Muslim flag pin, which was given to him by the Weathermen back when they were Vietnam medics. Ha ha we kid! Even then President Cool maintained his legendary sangfroid. Selected Q&As after the jump. MORE »

Secret Wonkette Operative “M” sent us this photograph, which he actually took somewhere in the Eastern Time Zone, of Barack Obama saying something menacing to this poor reporter, who was probably only doing a good journalism thing like asking Obama to prove he was American! (Or maybe it was about economics, who knows.) In other words, let’s have a Caption Contest! UPDATE: We have a wiener! MORE »

Now that Barack Obama’s victory appears pretty likely, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman must be drinking alone in his apartment, even though he knows the Obama health care plan will not cover his psoriasis later in life. Get well soon, you sad panda. Anyway, guess what “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol thinks about Barack Obama’s hatred of America? MORE »

All across America, regular citizens are pitching in to help their country capture the man who attacked it six short years ago on September “9/11″ Eleventh. They’re a crafty bunch, these citizen warriors, and their resolve is strong. Take, for example, 46-year-old Gary Weddle. Weddle has patriotically vowed not to shave until Osama is captured. Unfortunately all the stories we can find on his quest are a year old, so we’re not sure if he’s still rocking the Sunni Madhab look. Or he might be more like Lufkin, Texas city attorney Bob Flournoy… MORE »

A shocking new survey proves that the majority of Americans are now, in fact, anti-American. According to the Pew Research people, only 49% of Americans now completely agree with the statement, “I am patriotic.” MORE »

How did you honor our fallen heroes this solemn Memorial Day? Remember: Freedom ain’t free, but Biggie-sizing that Frosty will cost merely an additional thirty-two cents. MORE »

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• Page Six: Donald Trump defends the biggest, swankiest flag ever [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Cindy predicts Michael Ripoff’s demise. [NYP]
• Liz Smith: Anthony Kennedy whoops it up with Lally Weymouth. [NYP]
• The Reliable Source: Hillary Duff, Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton spotted in the area. [WP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Will Bloomberg run for President? Signs point to… maybe! [NYDN]

On this, the most pointless of patriotic holidays, we pause to… well, do something. Something flag-related, probably, but we don’t really know what. We’d think barbeques, but it’s a Wednesday and the weather’s kinda crappy. What kind of patriotic holiday is allowed to happen on a Wednesday? And we don’t even get a half-day? Fuck the flag, man. This is bogus.

All-media Flag Day Coverage Roundup, after the jump. You know you’re excited.

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Have Hollywood celebrity bashers been saying a little prayer for a return to the glory days of Spring 2003, when proving one’s patriotism was as simple as hemorrhaging a thousand-word screed about Sheryl Crow’s tshirt? If so, their little prayer has been answered.

Challenged by his producer to take risks, [Burt] Bacharach responded with songs set to hip-hop beats with lyrics, co-written with Tonio K., expressing nostalgia over bygone days and frustration with U.S. political leaders.

Sample lyric?

“Who are these people that keep telling us lies and how did these people get control of our lives and who’ll stop the violence ’cause it’s out of control? Make ‘em stop.”

Burt, the Dylanesque urgency of that run-on sentence structure is giving us chills! And that ‘em? Very street, and it proves you really mean it. Plus, we dig that your name sounds like “Back Iraq” — we bet Sean Hannity is popping a vein over that at this very moment. But is there any way you could make it even easier for critics to paint you as a totally fatuous Hollywood nincompoop?

Bacharach sings about his personal reflections on “Where Did It Go?” “It’s not like your normal, ‘I am angry, I protest’ song. There’s a groove going on. It’s kind of cookin’ along on a nice groove. And I’m saying like ‘Wow’ in the middle, a little bit of a surprise for a statement I wanted to make. It became very heartfelt,” said Bacharach, who said he cried doing the vocal.

Ok, thanks! — GREG BEATO MORE »