Tag Archives: patrick murphy

  the timecube candidate

Watch Out, Florida: ‘Satirist’ Hopes To Win Allen West’s Former District

Voters in Florida’s 18th Congressional District face a difficult decision in August — should they try to find a viable Republican candidate to face Patrick Murphy, who defeated Allen West in 2012, or should they try this guy: Ilya Katz, a self-described “political refugee of the Soviet Union” who claims to have spent “ten years in Siberian hard labor concentration camp” for his cutting satires against Leonid Brezhnev. And who knows, maybe he did! His bio page also says that after escaping the USSR for Chicago, he worked as a “full time knight watchman and part time professor at Loyola University, Columbia College and Central YMCA College,” where he “lectured on social and political topics concerning socialism and a way to endure in a totalitarism society.” We haven’t done any digging on those claims, but standing on top of a planter and shouting at passing students does count as “lecturing,” doesn’t it? He is not worried about his lack of formal credentials, because as he points out, “Noah’s Ark was built by an amateur, the Titanic was built by professionals.” He also ran against Debbie Wasserman-Schultz in 2012, and managed to get 3124 votes. He is, in short, a “character,” and so it should go without saying that he wins Wonkette’s endorsement. Read more on Watch Out, Florida: ‘Satirist’ Hopes To Win Allen West’s Former District…
  pantheon of fallen heroes

Allen West Insists It’s Not Over, While Singing Fat Lady Tramples All Over Him (With Votes)

At long last, we just might maybe have a possibly-final result for the race for Florida’s 18th U.S. Congressional District. We think. As you may be aware, Florida does not have the most competent election system in the Union, which has led to a wee bit of uncertainty about whether wingnut torture-lover and Muslin-disliker Allen West has conclusively lost or not. See, the first vote count showed he was behind, but not enough for an automatic recount, so when West insisted on a recount, a judge said No Way, but then the St. Lucie County elections board said, OK, sure, we’ll recount… And then they failed to finish that recount in time for it to affect the election one way or the other, but maybe that makes no difference since the recount actually increased the lead for West’s opponent, Congressman-elect (probably) Patrick Murphy. As the New York Times essplains, Regardless, under Florida law, previously submitted results favoring Mr. Murphy will be certified unless an emergency exemption is granted by the state. So maybe this particular long national nightmare is over (?) Read more on Allen West Insists It’s Not Over, While Singing Fat Lady Tramples All Over Him (With Votes)…
  just winging it who cares

Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse

We almost went a day without a “stupid Florida” story. Almost. In case you have already forgotten and moved on, there was an election eight days ago, and going into it everybody was quite fixated on a small number of states, Florida being one of them. As it turned out, Florida didn’t matter because Obama got 7 billion out of the required 270 electoral votes. And as that turned out, it was very lucky, because Florida didn’t finish counting its votes until the weekend after, by which time Romney had already canceled his campaign staff’s credit cards and gone home to wallow in his swimming pool full of gold coins. And as that turned out, it was quite lucky as well, because Broward County just found almost a thousand uncounted ballots sitting in a damn warehouse. Serendipity! Read more on Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse…
  that's no lady that's my wife

What ‘Porn Star’ Sex Acts Did Extremely Normal Allen West Demand Of His Lady Wife?

Never let it be said that Your Wonkette is anything but sex-positive and pro-freaky-deakiness. But when it’s Allen West and he’s writing to his wife from Iraq right around the time he is having people beaten and then shooting guns next to their heads, and he is so weird and Allen West-like, well … here, let us read together Allen West’s sexxxy control fantasies, as it has been far too long since we purged. Read more on What ‘Porn Star’ Sex Acts Did Extremely Normal Allen West Demand Of His Lady Wife?…
 

Official Wonkette Endorsement: Patrick Murphy

None of us are related to this guy, who’s running for the Democratic nomination in Pennsylvania’s 8th Congressional District, but we found his last Press Release pretty funny. LARRY OTTER ENDORSES ANDY WARREN FOR CONGRESS LEVITTOWN, PA–May 14, 2006–In response to Larry Otter’s endorsement of Andy Warren, Josh Nanberg, campaign manager for Patrick Murphy issued the following statement: “OK” Read more on Official Wonkette Endorsement: Patrick Murphy…